Have you ever stopped to think that the world we see may not be exactly the ‘real’ world? Every human being carries within themselves a powerful tool, which can be empowering, but also dangerously limited. In this article, we will talk about worldviews and the great game of human interpretation in a simple and direct way, in the best straight talk style. What does interpretation and worldviews mean? Let's say that worldviews function as invisible filters that we use to interpret reality. Based on them, we make sense of what we experience, hear, or observe. Every human being in the world interprets reality according to their experiences, beliefs, prior knowledge, emotions, and values. A simple example of this is when two people witness the same event but understand and react to it in different ways. This is because each of them organises the information according to their own emotional baggage. I don't know if you've ever heard the phrase, ‘We are responsible for what we think, feel and do, but not for how others interpret it.’ Well, interpretation, therefore, is not just the act of ‘understanding’ something. This process is also responsible for attributing (or not) meanings that relate what happens externally to what we carry internally – and vice versa. The concept of ‘worldviews’ is directly linked to our interpretation process. A worldview is a set of beliefs, principles – or lack thereof – traditions and perspectives that shape how someone observes reality. This set of beliefs is also known as a paradigm. These paradigms vary among individuals, groups, or societies and influence how they understand concepts such as justice, happiness, progress, spirituality, etc. In other words, our worldviews act to build or destroy what we understand as collective and individual meaning. Interpretation vs. Reality After all, is there an objective reality or is it all just a pre-agreed collective delusion? A good number of philosophers and scientists defend the existence of a reality independent of our mind's interpretations. They define this idea of reality as something similar to gravity – it exists independently of our will. Within this concept, our ideas of ‘truth’ and/or “meaning” would be nothing more than a collective construct, a mere result of what groups and societies have agreed to believe and value. These ‘global true’ narratives may even have some basis in objective reality, but only in accordance with what is constructed from the human interpretations involved. However, when we look at the point of view of some existing lines of thought, we see a veritable smorgasbord of worldviews: Scepticism : says that we cannot be absolutely certain about any kind of view, as all forms of knowledge can be questioned. Social constructivism : the world is collectively constructed through language and social relations. Empiricism : worldviews arise from sensory experiences and observations of events. Epicureanism : the world should be understood in terms of the pursuit of happiness and the reduction of pain. Stoicism : the worldview should be aligned with reason and nature, accepting what cannot be controlled. Structuralism : all worldviews are formed by unconscious structures (such as language and social systems). Existentialism : worldview ideas are constructed from freedom and personal choices. Phenomenology : the worldview arises from direct experiences and how consciousness interprets what has been experienced. Hedonism : guided by pleasure as the fundamental principle of life. Humanism : places human beings, their dignity and freedom at the centre of any worldview. Idealism :   the   mind and ideas shape the reality we know. Marxism : worldviews reflect the material conditions and power relations in society. Materialism : says that there is no belief in any kind of ‘mental power.’ For materialists, the world is physical, solid matter, nothing more, nothing less. Nihilism : no worldview has ultimate meaning or objective value; everything is a great void of meaning. Perspectivism : argues that every worldview is just one among many possible ones, so there is no single truth that is exclusive to everyone. Post-structuralism : there is no fixed worldview, but rather multiple meanings that are in dispute. Positivism : only scientific knowledge based on verifiable facts can form the basis of a valid worldview. Pragmatism : the value of a worldview depends on its practical usefulness for solving problems. Rationalism : reason is the main tool for understanding the world and forming a true view of it. Realism : we believe that there is an objective reality, independent of our interpretations. Cultural relativism : each culture forms its own paradigm and no culture can be measured or compared to another. Transcendentalism : worldviews are anchored in spirituality and the connection between human beings and nature. Utilitarianism : the worldview should seek the well-being of as many people as possible. Yes, these are just a few of the many views and interpretations that exist about reality. And since there is (still) no definitive proof, one that leaves no gaps or doubts, our interpretation of the world becomes a whirlwind of data and information that coexist as chaotic, incessant white noise. The role of our interpretive mind is to transform all this chaos ( Khaos ) into cosmos ( Kósmos ), into order. It captures millions of stimuli per second, organises them, interprets them, fills in the gaps and then delivers a tiny fraction of this data to our consciousness, with the rest remaining ‘running in the background’ unconsciously. With this, the bigger issue is not the multiplicity of views and ideas, but rather our stubbornness in insisting that only our version of the facts is correct. Distorted Filters And so we arrive at the dark side of the force. Our interpretive mind can save us from the madness that absolute chaos can represent, but it also condemns us to the relative madness of confirmation biases, prejudices, our struggles against them, left and right, fake news ... Our interpretive filters are not neutral. They magnify information that confirms what we already believe and blur information that might challenge us. David Hume  would cut through this nonsense with a single question: ‘Do you really see causality, or do you just assume that one event follows another?’ In order to clarify this tricky question a little, let's use a game of billiards as an example. We see a player hit ball A, which in turn hits ball B, causing it to move in some direction. Are we seeing the movement of these balls or just observing the sequence of events and interpreting them as causality? Most of what we call “interpretive reading of the world” is just a mental habit, an interpretive addiction that repeats itself until we realise that we are repeating it automatically. Words create worlds In the midst of this game, language acts as the primary tool of interpretation, which also makes it an accomplice to our interpretive biases. George Orwell , in his brilliant work ‘ 1984 ’, shows how the limitations of language prove to be limitations of thought. For example: if we do not have real and applicable definitions for words such as “unity” and ‘freedom’, how can we conceive the meaning that these words have? It is not just a matter of looking up dictionary definitions, because the views that each person, culture or society has of what it means to love and be free are usually completely different and multiple. The concepts of these words, as presented in dictionaries, are rarely applicable to the subjective sensations, feelings and interpretations of individuals themselves. If we take this example a little further, we see that we often use certain words as weapons. An “attack” today is also used to denote “peace operations”. A “terrorist” is referred to in certain cultures and situations as a “freedom fighter”. The facts do not change, but rather the interpretations that the mind makes, often with subtleties adjusted by ulterior motives. Depending on the prevailing narratives, other words such as ‘visionary’ or ‘lunatic’ have come to be used to describe the same behaviour, thus gaining interpretations opposite to those categorised in dictionaries. If you want to see these changes in the concepts of words for yourself, look up the word ‘empirical’ in a recent dictionary. If you know what this word means, see how it is being narrated today. Worldviews in the Age of Social Media We can say, without exaggeration, that social media has become a laboratory for studying interpretive and linguistic distortions, where every piece of information reflects a different and hyperbolic version of ourselves and the world. Social media feeds us only the narratives we accept and like to see. In some cases, due to these “personalised experiences”, we become mere caricatures of our own opinions. Hyperinterpretation is on the rise, and through it we not only read the world, but we read others' interpretations of our own interpretations. All this in an endless and sometimes sterile loop. Interpretation: Freedom or Imprisonment? This does not mean that we are doomed, but it does give the impression that we are living under a regime of probation. Changing our worldview, beliefs, and interpretations is possible, but it requires the discomfort of realising that not everything we believe to be true is actually true. I say this with the awareness that my interpretations may also be repetitions or errors of judgement. Admitting this does not change them, but it helps to broaden my spectrum of understanding. I believe that no one would want to live a whole life believing that the shadows projected on the wall are more real than the world that awaits outside the cave ( Allegory of the Cave   by Plato ). And for those who are brave enough, I suggest reading “ Discipline and Punish ” by Michel Foucault , a true lesson on how we interpret – and how we are interpreted – by the prevailing systems and narratives. Amidst all this interpretive dance, I cannot fail to mention the irreverent wisdom of Diogenes, the cynic, who walked the streets of ancient Greece with his lantern lit in the midday sun, shouting at the top of his lungs: ‘I am looking for an honest man.’ He was not looking for a man of flesh and blood, but rather an uncorrupted interpretation of humanity. In his brutal satire on social conventions, Diogenes showed us that most of these conventions are merely the result of a foolish collective interpretation, and not natural laws. Simplified Summary Our brains do not see reality directly. They interpret it as a kind of simultaneous translator. What makes this translator so incredible is its ability to make sense of the world, but paradoxically, it is also a great inventor, distorting facts to massage our ego, clinging to first impressions and repeating them in an ‘eternal return.’ The secret here is not to want to fire it or just ‘reprogram’ it, but rather to keep an eye on it, checking and questioning its work when necessary. Author's note: I believe, pessimistically – and slightly hopefully – that interpretive humility is one of the most neglected virtues of our time. Assuming that we may be wrong and that our filters may be distorted are antidotes to blind fanaticism, polarisation and anxiety. In my opinion, true intelligence, if there is such a thing, is not about having the most accurate interpretation, but about having the flexibility to question and change when faced with new evidence and information. Let's say I can be someone who is open to correction and not someone who calls themselves wise but stubbornly denies anything that ‘conflicts’ with my worldview. I prefer to have people around me who admit they ‘don't know anything’ rather than those who pretend to know everything and have absolute certainties about everything. I think the greatest tragedy is not having a limited worldview, but believing that this view is the only one possible. Interact (or not), the choice is yours! The exercise of looking at yourself and questioning your own beliefs may be the quest that really matters. Self-knowledge is not a luxury, it is more like a code that helps refine our filters. The journey may be somewhat lonely, but it does not have to be isolated. So, how about starting by sharing your own interpretation of this article? In the comments below, you can leave your harshest criticism, your most uncomfortable question, your most reluctant compliment, and even your suggestion for the next topic. And if you think this article isn't completely wrong, how about sharing it with someone who also appreciates a heavy dose of reflection? Go ahead, feel free. Now, if curiosity reigns in your interpretive filters, enter our backstage  UN4RT , where we unravel these concepts with even more depth, artistry, and irreverence. Oh, if you saw the value in this work and want to support us in our project, consider buying us a coffee on the ‘ Buy Me a Coffee ’ platform, where you'll find free content and membership plans with bonus content and even more exclusive material, all created by us. Your support makes a difference, and you get some goodies too. Thanks for choosing us, and see you next time! “ The illusion crumbles when we question reality” - UN4RT Sources, references and inspirations: Daniel Kahneman , Thinking, Fast and Slow . David Hume , An Enquiry Concerning Human Understanding. Diogenes of Sinope , Lives of Eminent Philosophers  by Diogenes Laertius. Edmund Husserl , The idea of Phenomenology . Eli Pariser , The Filter Bubble: What the Intenet is Hidding from you. Epictet us , The Art of Living  and Enchiridion . Friedrich Nietzsche , Beyond Good and Evil. George Orwell , 1984  and Politics and the English Language . Giuliano da Empoli , The Engineers of Chaos. Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness. Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish . General research on worldview concepts within different schools of thought. Plato , The Republic  (Allegory of the Cave). Benjamin Lee Whorf and Edward Sapir , Linguistic Relativity Theory ( Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis ) . Shoshana Zuboff , The Age of Survillance Capitalism.

‘Hypocrisy is the homage that vice pays to virtue’ - F rançois de La Rochefoucauld .   Welcome to the fascinating world of social hypocrisy, where sincerity is as rare as an honest politician! Get ready to dive into the murky waters of false empathy, because today, we're going to explore the noble art practised by those who pretend to care. A skill that many consider as essential in modern society as the ability to smile and nod while putting up with someone's idiotic behaviour.   *It is important to emphasise that this species has individuals of both sexes.   The Great Theatre of the Self-Interested   Let's pretend that we live in a great social theatre, where many play the most diverse roles, but not everyone deserves a trophy for their performance. In this grand theatre, each individual wears a carefully sculpted mask. This mask - or masks - represent roles that don't always correspond to the true essence of the individual wearing them. Some of these individuals are called ‘’Interested‘’.   They are expert actors who, with rehearsed smiles and mellifluous words, navigate social interactions with the dexterity of a conductor conducting a symphony of falsehood. These specimens are considered ‘the meticulous ones’ within the urban jungle, mastering the art of pretending to care, they build relationships based on convenience rather than genuine empathy. They are true teachers of social theatre, capable of shedding tears with such conviction that even a crocodile would be impressed. Let's just say that they take the art of pretending to care to such a high level that even Stanislavski would be stunned. If you've ever wondered why some people seem so caring until they get what they want - and then evaporate - this guide will help you identify these actors of social tragicomedy.   A Study of Character - the opportunists   The opportunists person is like a chameleon, adapting to the colours and nuances of the environment to gain personal advantage. Their actions are motivated by meticulous calculation, where every gesture of apparent concern comes from a strategic move on the board of human relations. This kind of human moulds himself to our needs, mirroring our tastes, values and even emotions in order to win our trust. They may seem like a loyal friend, a reliable partner or even a helpful colleague, but in reality they are closer to an investor: the support they give us has an expected return. Nietzsche so wisely said: ‘What worries me is not the fact that you lied, but that from now on I will no longer be able to believe you’. The self-interested person doesn't just lie with words, but with attitudes that disguise hidden intentions.   The Dance of Fake Smiles   I've had the displeasure of observing this species in action, and I can tell you that it's like watching an elaborate dance. Each movement is carefully choreographed to create the illusion of genuine interest. The eyes widen in false concern, the eyebrows furrow in feigned consternation and the lips curve into a smile as artificial as diet sugar.  As the philosopher Simone de Beauvoir said, ‘The oppressor would not be so strong if he did not have accomplices among the oppressed themselves.’ And what skilful accomplices the self-interested have! They have expertise  in emotional manipulation and are able to make us believe that we are really important in their lives - at least as long as we are useful.   The Mirror of Narcissus   These individuals often resemble Narcissus, a character from Greek mythology who fell in love with his own image reflected in the water of a lake. The self-interested person sees in others only reflections of their own ambitions and desires. Their interactions are like a game of mirrors, where the projected image is carefully manipulated to deceive and seduce.   Using mental triggers, they involve us in narratives that always culminate in some kind of ‘request’ - make no mistake, otherwise they wouldn't be looking for us. And as if that weren't enough, we often find ourselves offering them precisely what they want, without having even listened to the ‘request’. Let's just say that for them, life is a stage where seriousness is just another mask to be worn at their convenience.   The Siren's Song   Just like the mermaids in Homer's Odyssey , who hypnotised sailors with their songs, love interests use sweet words and empty promises to lure their victims. Their declarations of affection and concern are like bait thrown into the sea, designed to catch those who are looking for reciprocity in an ocean of superficiality. So don't be fooled, their song may be seductive, but it hides an imminent shipwreck.   The Vocabulary of False Interests   They are extraordinary linguists, fluent in the language of simulated concern. They master phrases like ‘Tell me more about that’ and ‘You can always count on me’ as easily as a politician masters the art of not answering direct questions. Nietzsche , who had already prophesied the uncontrolled proliferation of this breed, said: ‘Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed.’ It is precisely because of these illusions that we often become easy prey for this species.   The Daedalus Labyrinth   Interacting with a self-interested person is like travelling through the Daedalus Labyrinth: every path seems to lead to a dead end and the truth is constantly obscured by intricate webs of lies and dissimulation. Around every corner, we come across new illusions and the way out seems ever more distant. As Franz Kafka said: ‘From a certain point, there is no return. That is the point that must be reached.’ To recognise the self-interested is to reach that point of no return, where naivety is left behind - as is trust.   Classic Signs of an "Interested" Person   Attention on Demand : As long as you're useful, you'll receive messages, compliments and invitations. Afterwards, you'll only hear the echo of silence. Performative Empathy : Rehearsed facial expressions, self-help phrases and perfect timing to offer ‘help’ - as long as there's something to gain, of course. The Strategic Compliment : The self-interested person knows exactly when to inflate your ego, not out of admiration, but to ensure that you continue to provide what they want. Post-Benefit Disappearance : Did you get the favour? Did the vault door open? Has the networking been completed? He disappears like a professional magician - or at least until the next time he needs something. Convenient Memory : He remembers with surgical precision everything he's ever done for you, but suffers from ‘selective amnesia’ and ‘chronic forgetfulness’ when it's your turn to receive something in return. Manipulated Urgency : When he needs something, everything is for ‘yesterday’. But when you ask for something, they become masters of the art of postponing, disappearing or giving vague answers. Flexible Values Alignment : They adapt their tastes, opinions and principles to suit you. As long as you're useful, you'll have ‘everything in common’ and will never differ on anything. Conditional Connection : His friendship is strong and present when you're in a good phase. If things get tough for you, he becomes a distant spectator. Theatrical generosity : He makes a point of appearing generous, especially if he has an audience. They appreciate a show. But if there is no recognition or advantage, the ‘kindness’ disappears. Strategic Victimism : If pressurised for their actions, they play the victim, inverting the situation to appear wronged. It's always the other person's fault, taking responsibility isn't up to them. Tactical Appearances : They follow the saying ‘He who is not seen is not remembered’ to the letter. They may disappear for days or weeks, but magically reappear when they need something or if they think you can offer them something advantageous - if only to hear them complain. One-way partnership : They expect us to make an effort, helping them and understanding them, but when the situation is reversed, they always have an excuse ready for not responding. Oscar Wilde summed it up very well: ‘Some people cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.’   How to Survive the Theatre of Hypocrisy?   Be wary of Perfection : If someone always seems to know what to say and when to say it, it could be acting - it's essential to be attentive and aware in our relationships. Reciprocity Test : Interested parties don't like relationships without advantages. Observe how they react when they have to do something without immediate feedback. Ask them to do something and see what excuses they use not to do it. Avoid being a ‘Banquet of Favours’ : Don't always be available and don't do anything out of obligation. The self-interested take advantage of excessive generosity. Watch the Timing : They appear with the precision of Swiss watches when they need something and disappear with the same precision when we need them.   Observe Coherence : Fine words without concrete actions are just a well-rehearsed script. Make sure your actions match your speech. Beware of Emotional Neediness : Interested people love people who need approval. The less dependent you are, the less room there is for manipulation. Value Authenticity, not  Flattery: Those who flatter too much may be preparing the ground for a request. Prefer someone who compliments without ulterior motives. Setting Clear Limits : The more we give in, the more we will be exploited. We must learn to say ‘no’ without guilt. Notice the Pattern, Not the Episode : Everyone can fail occasionally, but if someone always disappears when there's no advantage involved, that's no coincidence. Don't fall for Emotional Blackmail : Interested parties use guilt and victimisation to keep us in the position of constant givers. We shouldn't get carried away with sob stories when the pattern is already clear. Detachment from the Need for Approval : The more we seek to be accepted by everyone, the more vulnerable we are to being used. Being selective means being with those who truly value our presence. Preference for Balanced Relationships : If we always give more than we receive, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate this behaviour and consequently who is benefiting from it.   Virginia Woolf said: ‘Each of us faces an internal battle, and language is often insufficient to express our true intentions.’ So let's be attentive, especially to ourselves, because if people like this have approached us, it's because we've given them the opportunity. What we can really change in all of this is our way of thinking, feeling and acting. The Symphony of Falsehood   This art of pretending to care may even be a skill refined by those who seek to manipulate the emotions and expectations of others for their own benefit. It's undeniable that identifying the self-interested requires an attentive and critical eye - especially on ourselves - in order to be able to see beyond the masks and carefully constructed illusions. We know that genuine relationships are not based on transactions, but on real, mutual connections. For as Socrates once said: ‘An unquestioned life is not worth living’. So let's question the intentions behind actions and look for sincerity between the lines of words. After all, to be a ‘good person’ who helps and really cares about others doesn't mean - not in the slightest - that we have to be a fool! We only receive what we allow. What the other person does is about them, what we accept is about us. There is a difference between what the other person does and what we allow! Here, too, is an extremely important note : Don't penalise yourself for having nurtured a relationship with a self-interested person - regardless of how long it may have lasted. We don't have the power to change others or past situations, but we can change ourselves. With that in mind, let's not waste our precious time looking for justifications and/or explanations from these people. If you don't have the chance to walk away, perhaps you can choose to smile, nod and feign dementia - you don't owe anyone an explanation for your actions, except those you believe you do. In the end, it's best to see this as an incentive to focus on what really matters: your life and your projects/dreams. It's never too late to remember that ‘Happy people don't get bored’, so go after your own happiness and leave those people to their own devices. ‘He is a fool who misses the target and blames the bow instead of correcting his aim.’   - Sun Tzu . Time for Action! Have you ever found yourself performing on the stage of false concern? Or perhaps you've fallen victim to a master of the art of pretending to care? Leave a comment with your experiences and share this content with anyone who needs to open their eyes to the theatre of hypocrisy.  And if you want to explore even more behind the scenes of human relationships and have access to exclusive content, visit UN4RT , the backstage that doesn't wear masks.  Until next time and remember: in a world of self-interested people, the real rebel is the one who genuinely cares. But ssshiiii, don't spread the secret - after all, I have a reputation for cynicism to maintain!   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT     The sources, inspirations and references are there! Personal experience : some were extremely painful because they came from people I really considered friends. François de La Rochefoucauld , Maxims. Konstantin Stanislavski  was a Russian actor, director and theatre theorist who created the Stanislavski System, a revolutionary method of acting based on emotional truth and the psychological construction of characters. His work had a profound influence on modern theatre and cinema. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra  and Beyond Good and Evil . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Narcissus , In Greek mythology, he was a young man of extreme beauty who despised those who fell in love with him. As punishment, the gods made him fall in love with his own image reflected in the water. Unable to move away from the water, he withered to death, and in the place of his body was born the flower that bears his name. Homer , The Odyssey. Labyrinth of Daedalus , a construction from Greek mythology, designed by the architect Daedalus at the behest of King Minos of Crete. It was created to imprison the Minotaur. Franz Kafka , The Trial (published posthumously). Oscar Wilde , The Picture of Dorian Gray. Virginia Woolf , A Room of One's Own. Socrates , Apology of Socrates (written by Plato ). Sun Tzu , The Art of War.

Ah, the modern mantra: ‘Love yourself as you are’. A phrase as noble as it is hypocritical in a world where Botox is more common than breakfast. Welcome to the circus of self-acceptance, where jugglers balance syringes of facial fillers while reciting their slogans  in defence of self-love. The Myth of Boutique Self-Esteem ‘Know thyself,’ said Socrates. But the industry has reworded this maxim to ‘Know thyself and discover everything that needs improving’. And so a perverse cycle emerges: the idea that self-esteem is not a state of mind, but a seven-step skin-care kit.  The concept of self-esteem has been hijacked and turned into a premium product. Have you ever noticed how beauty campaigns claim that their products will ‘empower us’? That's funny, because real empowerment would never depend on buying a lipstick worth 300 reais.  Although, to a certain extent I understand, because loving yourself as you are doesn't mean embracing skin decay with resignation. In fact, it means recognising that natural perfection is a fallacy and that there are effective ways to perfect the work of chance.  Both we and science know that the human body is a biological machine programmed for obsolescence. Nietzsche already said that ‘...man is something that must be overcome...’ - and as much as we know that he wasn't referring to the Beauty Industry - why not overcome ourselves with a strategic needle of botulinum toxin? What's wrong with that?   We are like sculptors of ourselves, constantly retouching our own art. Michelangelo looked at a block of marble and saw David. We look in the mirror and see a potential upgrade.  Let's just say that all this irony is as palpable as that detox juice we drink to ‘cleanse’ our bodies of the weekend's dietary sins. Hypocrisy Detox Diet   The same society that shouts ‘Love yourself as you are!’ is the same one that worships flawless skin and symmetrically sculpted bodies - not forgetting designer clothes, shoes and accessories, of course. The ‘beauty’ market is not growing by chance. There is a dubious reality where naturalness is exalted - and at the same time - retouched with filters and photo editing software. And then there are the diets designed to ‘lose those unwanted kilos’. Let's take the most sacred of diets as an example. The one that promises real miracles: the detox diet. Anyone who thinks that this diet is only for eliminating toxins (or the guilt of excessive consumption of substances and alcoholic beverages at the weekend) is mistaken. It is also used to cleanse our conscience of hypocrisy and lack of self-responsibility. The Paradox of Aesthetically Enhanced Self-Love Let's just say that ‘loving yourself’ is quite an elastic concept. For some, it means accepting yourself without filters, without make-up and without the help of external interventions. For others, it means accepting yourself to the point of investing in aesthetic enhancement. After all, if you can optimise software , why not optimise your own appearance? Modern self-love is the subtle combination of self-acceptance and surgical self-healing. The Stoics believed that we should accept nature as it is, without resisting its flow. But what if nature itself gave us the technology to defy time? It would be an outrage not to use it. As Oscar Wilde once said, ‘Beauty is a genius in itself. It needs no explanation’. So a well-done lip filler is an act of genius. The Beauty Industry's Greatest Trick Was Convincing You That You're Always Incomplete Let's have a little reflection:   Imagine waking up in the morning and looking in the mirror and discovering that you are... perfect. Yes, perfect, nothing is missing, everything is in place. Your skin naturally glows as if it had been sprinkled with the dew of the gods, your hair has a volume and shine worthy of shampoo commercials, your eyes haven't gone to your knees and your self-esteem is more stable than a monk in a trance. Now, with this image in mind, ask yourself: What would happen to the beauty industry if this were the natural state of things? Simple. It would collapse. The Perpetual Insufficiency Machine The industry's great move has never been just to sell products, but to manufacture needs. As our dear Jean Baudrillard once said, ‘Advertising doesn't sell a product, it sells a lifestyle.’ And what kind of lifestyle is that? One in which you need a new serum, a new acid, a new miracle procedure - which leaves your face in living flesh - so that, one day, you can achieve an ideal that never existed. The truth is that perfection, as a marketable concept, needs to be unattainable for the market to keep going. And for this to happen, the seed of perpetual insufficiency must be planted in us. Something is always missing. If it's firm, perhaps it's symmetry that's missing. If it's symmetrical, then it's time to invest in ‘natural beauty’ - which, ironically, requires an arsenal of cosmetics to look like we're wearing nothing. Beauty as the Most Modern Religion Nietzsche said that ‘God is dead’, and perhaps the beauty industry has taken his place. It has its temples (dermatological clinics and spas), its priests (influencers and beauticians) and its holy scriptures (the promises in adverts and packaging).  It offers you a paradise - a face unmarred by time, an eternally youthful body - but like any well-structured religion, this paradise never actually arrives.  We're always in search, always in penance, always in need of ‘just one more product...’ and/or ‘just lose a few more kilos...’. Self-image and the Mainstream   If Michel Foucault were among us, he might say that the beauty industry doesn't just sell products, but a model of internalised surveillance. We observe, judge and punish ourselves before others do it for us. ‘Is my skin too dull?’, “Does my nose look strange in the light?”, “My forehead is too big, I'd better hide it!”, “I'm too fat...”. We become our own jailers. And don't think that this aesthetic oppression only applies to women. The male market is growing by leaps and bounds. After all, men also need to be convinced that they are imperfect. If deodorant was once enough, now there are moisturisers for ‘male skin’ (as if it were made of titanium), rejuvenating gels and even hair dyes that promise to reverse time - and I'm not even talking about surgeries to enlarge certain parts of the body. The game is the same, only the packaging changes.    What the industry will never tell you   The greatest heresy we can commit against this empire is to realise that we are already complete. That our skin, our features, our little ‘imperfections’ are really just the marks of a life lived. That ageing is not a disease to be fought, but a natural process. That real beauty is not a consumer goal, but a state of being.   ‘Nothing is enough for those who consider little enough.’   - Seneca .   And perhaps the greatest act of rebellion we can commit today is to look in the mirror and simply say: ‘I'm fine the way I am.’ Imperfection as Existential Philosophy The beauty industry has built its fortune on the idea that we are always lacking. Unattainable perfection is its greatest asset and dissatisfaction is its fuel. However, freedom begins when we realise that we don't need to fix anything, because we were never broken. Beauty lies in acceptance - and that, ironically, can't be bought.  Now, if this article has made you rethink your relationship with aesthetics, great! If not, great too! Not least because you're the one who's going to feel the power of the acid on your face (and in your pocket), aren't you?  Leave a comment, suggest topics and share! And if you want an extra dose of information, keep exploring the articles on the blog or go straight to our UN4RT  backstage, where we explore between the lines of culture, art and society. Because at the end of the day, knowledge is the only skin-care  that really lasts and transforms.     ‘The illusion crumbles when we question reality’ - UN4RT     For intellectual masochists, the sources, references and inspirations are there. Go read, study and question! Socrates , Apology of Socrates (written by Plato ). Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra  and The Gay Science. Botulinumtoxin , a substance produced by the bacterium Clostridium botulinum, used to reduce wrinkles and other medical conditions. Michelangelo , Italian Renaissance artist who created sculptures such as David and Pietà, as well as the frescoes in the Sistine Chapel. Stoics , Ancient Greek philosophers who advocated virtue, reason and self-control as the path to happiness, accepting fate with serenity. Oscar Wilde , The Picture of Dorian Gray. Rodrigo Polesso , Este não é mais um Livro de Dieta (Without English translation). Jean Baudrillard , The Consumer Society . Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish. Seneca ,  Letters to Lucilius.

We're in the digital age! The most comfortable moment in our history, where authenticity is carefully planned while spontaneity is rehearsed like a Shakespearean monologue. Let's just say that happiness is no longer a state of mind but a public performance with the right to edit.  In this new order, the genuine is meticulously calculated and mixed with plastic naturalness to form what we call the social media feed .   ‘We live in a society where simulation precedes and determines the real.’   - Jean Baudrillard .   But calm down, it's not all criticism. We know that, in the midst of the digital stage, there are those who really try to make a difference - yes, they exist, but they are poucos.   The Dance of Fabricated Authenticity   The aesthetic of carelessness requires rigorous planning. It's the same logic as a reality show : spontaneous to a point, scripted to the right degree.  The irony reaches its peak when influencers post ‘real moments’. For example: breakfasts in bed, carefully positioned in the middle of lined sheets and strategically next to flowers or philosophy books (perhaps never read). All of this is done ‘unedited’ but, for some reason, it all follows cinematographic framing and impeccable lighting. The ideal of ‘being real’ has become a new personal marketing goal.  Sartre said ‘Hell is other people’. In the age of social media, hell is other people, yes, but... those with lives that are apparently more perfect than ours. It's hilarious how we all appear to be taking part in an undeclared competition of who can look the happiest, most successful and carefree. But meanwhile, behind the scenes, many are drowning in anxiety and insecurity.  Have we really gained greater freedom of expression with the advent of the web, or have we just become very good at appearing free while the curation of our digital image becomes a new form of slavery?  Ah, it's undeniable how delicious this paradox is. We are encouraged to ‘be ourselves’, but only if that ‘ourselves’ is sufficiently attractive, inspiring and, above all, ‘likeable’.   The Digital Society and its Emotional Currency   In a society of appearances, perfection has become the currency of exchange. The more perfect our lives seem to others, the more valuable we are - regardless of whether or not it's true. Companies, for example, hire people who radiate positivity, regardless of their actual skills. Digital influencers accumulate followers by showing off ‘film’ lives, even if they are as authentic as a 3 Euro note.  As Oscar Wilde once said: ‘Life is too important to be taken seriously’. And, apparently, too superficial to be lived in depth and away from likes.   The Economics of False Happiness   Let's not be naïve. Behind the façade of constant happiness and perfection lies a well-oiled economic machine. Companies sell us products and services that promise instant happiness. From anti-wrinkle creams (or other substances) that guarantee eternal youth to online courses that ensure success in 10 easy steps. We're all buying into illusions and the main one is that happiness is a product that's just a click away. To make things more interesting - and more controversial - let's remember that in 1844, Karl Marx warned about the alienation of the worker. Little did he know that, by 2025, we would be alienated not only from the products of our market, but from ourselves. Today, the digital proletariat produces free content for billionaire corporations in exchange for dopamine (here I am, also part of the wheel - but I have my doubts about the dopamine part). If before we sold our labour power, now we sell our own image. Jean Baudrillard said that we are living in hyperreality, where it no longer matters what is real, but rather what it appears to be. We are not judged by what we are, but by what we manage to stage for a dispersed audience, whose applause is only silent clicks. The Philosophy of Appearances   Friedrich Nietzsche said that ‘Convictions are more dangerous enemies of the truth than lies’. Applying this logic, our conviction in the need to appear happy is more harmful than unhappiness itself.   We are obsessed with showing off a cheerful façade and forget to question what really makes us happy. We've become prisoners of an image that we ourselves have created - and by whose influence?  If Michel Foucault taught us that power manifests itself through the disciplining gaze, then social networks are the new panopticons. Surveillance no longer comes from a central tower, but from the desire to be seen and approved of. And the need to appear spontaneous becomes a new type of social discipline, where everyone watches themselves and adjusts so as not to appear forced in the search for naturalness.  Schopenhauer , who saw life as an eternal frustration of desires, would have an existential crisis when he saw that we now want to be spontaneous and, in order to do so, we follow invisible rules of engagement and personal branding. Our ‘will to live’ has been replaced by an algorithm that dictates which types of performed authenticity are best accepted.   Narciso Updated: Version 5G   The Myth of Narcissus has never been so up-to-date. But instead of a crystal-clear lake, we contemplate ourselves in the filtered reflections of the feed. The original tragedy remains: we were only supposed to love our image, but we end up consumed by it. Freud would call it a modern form of neurosis, while Nietzsche would probably laugh in our faces and say that we're just slaves to a new god: other people's opinions. And if you think the solution is simply to ‘switch off the Wi-Fi’, remember that human anguish didn't start with social networks - it was (and still is) used by them. Pascal already said: ‘All the unhappiness of men comes from one thing alone: being unable to remain alone in their rooms.’ Wi-Fi or not, we're still desperate for meaning.   The Psychology of Like   B. F. Skinner , the father of behaviourism, would be fascinated by social networks. They are the perfect experiment in intermittent reinforcement: you post a photo and, if the likes come in floods, you feel a surge of pleasure. If they're scarce, we suffer a mild withdrawal. The cycle begins again. And who controls the reinforcements? The algorithm.   Meanwhile, Carl Jung would roll his eyes and say: ‘You are not what others think of you.’. But who cares about Jung when engagement is below average?  The Quest for Perfect Imperfection  And here comes a new trend: the quest for perfect imperfection. Yes, you read that right. Now, being authentic means showing ‘your flaws’... but only the pretty ones, of course. A coffee stain on your white shirt? Charming. Dark circles after a bad night's sleep? A sign of a busy and interesting life. A celebrity with cellulite? Wow, she's just like us! What a symbol of empowerment and militancy.  As the philosopher Slavoj Žižek would say, ‘The truly free choice is the one in which I don't just choose between two or more options, but choose to change the set of choices itself’.  In the context of social media, this could mean choosing not just between posting the perfect photo or the ‘authentically imperfect’ photo, but questioning the very need to post.   The Algorithm as the New God   In this new digital pantheon, the algorithm reigns supreme. It is the modern oracle, deciding what we will see, what we will enjoy and, consequently, who we will be. We sacrifice our privacy, our time and often our mental health on the altar of this binary god, waiting for its blessings in the form of likes, shares and followers.   The Irony of Connection in the Age of Loneliness   We're more connected than ever and yet the loneliness epidemic is growing every day. It's as if we were all shouting in a room full of people, but no one was really listening. We post, we like, we comment, but how many of these interactions are truly meaningful? The philosopher Hannah Arendt once said that ‘Organised loneliness is considerably more dangerous than the disorganised impotence of all the dominated’. Could it be that our carefully curated social networks aren't exactly that - a form of organised loneliness?   The Future of Digital Authenticity   So where do we go from here? Will we continue in this never-ending quest for imperfect perfection, or will we find a way to be truly authentic online? One possible answer might be: not to look for an answer. In the words of Oscar Wilde : ‘Be yourself, everyone else already exists’. Or at least, let's try to be ourselves without needing three attempts and a saturation adjustment. Let's embrace chaos, imperfection and real vulnerability - not the edited and filtered versions of life. The rebel in this regard would be the one who switches off their mobile phone and goes to live a life that doesn't need to be documented in order to be validated. Perhaps - and only perhaps - genuine spontaneity lies in the subversive act of not wanting to prove anything to anyone. Or, ironically, in the opposite extreme: assuming that our whole life is a theatre and stop pretending we don't know it. After all, if Shakespeare already said that ‘all the world's a stage...’, why pretend that we're not acting?   Emergency exit?   The aim of this article is not to demonise social networks, but to understand that our self-esteem doesn't have to depend on a volatile number. If Epicurus taught us that true pleasure comes from moderation, perhaps it's time to reprogramme our relationship with digital self-image.  If you've made it this far, congratulations! You've read more than most people can handle without scrolling through their feed.   Conclusion that is not a conclusion Everyone knows that online naturalness died the day the first selfie was taken for the third time. But that doesn't have to be a problem - as long as we're aware of the game. Pretending to be natural has become art, and like all art, it needs to be appreciated with due irony.  What do you think about this paradox of the perfect online life? Leave a comment, share your experiences and suggestions for topics you'd like to see covered here on the blog. Your opinion is valuable and can help other readers navigate this turbulent sea of networks.  Don't forget to share this article with everyone - after all, sharing is caring, even in the digital world!  And if you're hungry for more content that challenges the status quo , why not take a look at our backstage? Visit the UN4RT  website for an exclusive experience with content that goes beyond the surface. See you next time!   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT   Yes, yes... the sources, references and inspirations are there, there's no need to be spoilt! From personal experience , my relationship with social media has always been ‘8 or 80’, I either posted a lot or nothing at all. I've even created accounts and then deleted them - quite a few times - and I've lost count of the number of posts I've made and also deleted. For a while, I was deeply repulsed by everything I saw there. I often judged users harshly and disrespectfully. Today - in addition to the opinion you read above - I also have the understanding that everyone is free to do whatever the fuck they want - including me. So go ahead and be happy without giving anyone a hard time. Jean Baudrillard , Simulacra and Simulation. Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness  and Nausea. Oscar Wilde , Aphorisms. Karl Marx , Economic & Philosophic Manuscripts of 1844 . Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra, The Gay Science  and Human, All Too Human . Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish. Arthur Schopenhauer , The World as Will and Representation . Myth of Narcissus , in Greek mythology, was a young man of extreme beauty who despised those who fell in love with him. As punishment, the gods made him fall in love with his own image reflected in the water. Unable to move away from the water, he withered to death, and in the place of his body was born the flower that bears his name. Sigmund Freud , Civilization and its Discontents. Blaise Pascal , The Pensées (Thoughts). B.   F. Skinner , Science and Human Behaviour. Carl Gustav Jung ,  The Undiscovered Self. Slavoj Žižek , the phrase mentioned in the text does not come from a specific work, but encapsulates recurring themes in the philosopher's work relating to freedom, choice and the transformation of existing conditions. Hannah Arendt , The Origins of Totalitarianism. William Shakespeare , As You Like It. Epicurus , Letter to Meneceus . Tristan Harris , The Dilemma of Networks. Eli Pariser , The Filter Bubble: What the Internet is hidding from you. Nir Eyal ,  Indistractible: How to Control your Attention and Choose your Life. Giuliano da Empoli ,   The Engineers of Chaos.

Ah, life, an eternal social experiment in which we are forced to coexist, resulting in a Herculean challenge: to deal with ‘arseholes’ without committing a crime worthy of a streaming platform documentary - yes, they are everywhere.  From the neighbour who decides to listen to funk at seven in the morning, to that co-worker who insists on explaining the obvious to you, as if she were Einstein revealing the Theory of Relativity. That's why it's important for you to know that no matter who you are - Doctor or Monster - sooner or later you will be confronted by the mythological creatures of boredom.  But calm down, there is hope! Grab your cup of coffee (or something stronger) and join me, because today we're going to explore how to survive these beings without ending up behind bars.   A Brief Study of Annoying People   Whether it's the bloke who makes conversation by poking, the enlightened being who decides to tell his testimony at the top of his lungs at the bus stop, or the little human being who ends every sentence with ‘Got it?’ it's undeniable that humanity is full of characters who challenge our patience and test our ability to socialise without accidental murder. Jean-Paul Sartre , always very clever, had already warned us when he said ‘Hell is other people’. But do we really need to consider moving to a faraway cave just to avoid a nervous breakdown? I don't necessarily think so. There are more civilised and less legally compromising ways of dealing with the annoying fauna around us. So let's start by understanding what defines this species.   Irritating People: A Definition   Irritation is subjective, but some creatures seem to have the universal gift of exhausting other people's reserves of patience. Schopenhauer saw human interactions as a dance of porcupines: we approach each other to seek warmth, but end up poking each other. That's why I say that: the citizen who listens to bad music without headphones, the aunt who asks when you're going to have children (even though she knows you don't want them), the driver who slams on the brakes in front of you: they all have something in common. They just don't realise (or don't care) about the impact of their actions on the world around them. ‘Patience is bitter, but its fruits are sweet,’ said Jean-Jacques Rousseau . But, Rousseau , dear, have you ever tried to keep your composure while someone chews with their mouth open in front of you?   Strategies for Survival (Emanating Inner Peace)   Well, since the penal code still considers murder a criminal offence, we need to find less extreme ways of dealing with these creatures. So here are a few methods I've tested - mainly during my time as a bartender in Berlin.   The Adapted Stoic Method - Be a Rock, Be a Mountain, Be Wi-Fi with a Password Seneca , the stoic of stoics, said: ‘Life is too short to be small’. Which in other words means: don't waste emotional - or any other kind of - energy on those who don't deserve it. He preached emotional indifference in the face of adversity. If applied correctly, Stoicism allows you to react to an inconvenient subject (drunk or not) with the same impassivity as a statue in a public square. Is someone telling you an endless story about some shit that doesn't interest you? Imagine a desert, a lavender field, a silent film. Practise the ‘neutral museum face’ - that unaffected expression the security guards at the Neues Museum  give when they hear tourists ask where the Bust of Nefertiti is (when it's right there in front of them). Another famous Stoic, Marcus Aurelius , in his work ‘ Meditations ’, reminds us that ‘The best revenge is not to be like your enemy’. So you can also use the ‘Art of the Verbal Dodge’, another powerful weapon in our armoury. It boils down to using the shield of sarcasm and the sword of irony. When someone says something irritating and inconvenient, respond with a smile a la  Sphinx and a phrase like: ‘How clever! You should patent that idea’. The Zen Method Version 2.0 - The Way of the Detached Monk Buddhism teaches us that irritation is a construction of the mind. This means that, in theory, you don't have to get angry with the guy who decides to pay for a coffee with a mountain of two cent coins. In theory. In practice, your soul is already screaming internally like a fire evacuation siren. The secret? Breathe. Meditate. Imagine yourself floating in the cosmos while humanity continues with its usual mediocrity - it's just another day in paradise, enjoy it. Another way would be to imagine yourself as a monk watching the ocean waves: they come and go, just like the annoying people in your life. Don't try to control or change these people: just accept their ephemeral existence in the grand scheme of things. Buddha said that suffering comes from attachment. Perhaps irritation is, deep down, a reflection of what we expect from others. Try looking at the irritating person as a case study, a phenomenon of nature, a passing storm. Does their voice sound like a cracked stick or a hoarse duck? Imagine that it could be a duck in mating season. The Method from a Nietzschean Approach - The Art of Intellectual Contempt If patience really isn't your thing and you're a fan of a bolder approach, why not try refined contempt? Instead of rolling your eyes like an annoyed teenager, adopt the intellectual aristocrat attitude: a look of slight superiority, a resigned sigh and a sentence involving at least two words the interlocutor doesn't know. Example: An annoying person says: ‘I don't really like reading, I find it boring.’ You reply: ‘Oh, I understand. Some minds develop better through other primitive stimuli.’ (And walk away). We must admit that Nietzsche mastered the art of refined contempt, he taught us that ‘That which does not kill us makes us stronger’. A sharp but elegant response can turn an unbearable interaction into a small personal triumph. Just be careful not to cross the line and end up with unnecessary bollocks. Use common sense without moderation. The Powerful Method of Sarcasm reinforced by Strategic Escape Oscar Wilde was the master of refined irony. When confronted by someone irritating - which in the Victorian era meant almost the entire population - he would respond with acid humour - but without losing his elegance. After all, nothing disarms an irritating person faster than realising that their provocations are met with witty indifference. Sun Tzu wrote that ‘The supreme art of war is to defeat the enemy without fighting’. Sometimes the best way to deal with the unbearable is to simply walk away. Avoid, dodge, disappear like a ninja. If that's not possible, invest in headphones, a good podcast or a momentary astral journey. Oh, you can always pretend that the person is part of the scenery, like a post or a potted plant. You can respond with a vacant stare or even the Miss Candidate Technique . The Social Experiment Method This one is extremely simple, just turn annoyance into fun. Try interacting with the annoying person in an unexpected way. If an annoying person at work is monopolising the conversation, ask them something absurdly philosophical like: ‘Do you think time is linear or a collective illusion?’ Hopefully, he'll get distracted and you'll escape unscathed (it's worked every time for me). The Final Conclusion Method (Metaphorically speaking) But if all else fails and your patience reaches critical levels, the best solution is to avoid these individuals like a vampire avoids sunlight. There are a number of advanced techniques for this, and here we can get creative. The fake headset : even without music, it protects your sanity. The ‘busy face’ : it works mainly at work. Interest in a book : pretend to be deeply engaged in reading a book (even if it's just an instruction manual for some rubbish you bought on impulse). Always walk down the street wearing sunglasses : people never know what you're looking at, so you can always pretend you didn't see when the annoying person waves - combined with headphones, this is a must. The classic excuse : ‘I need to take an important phone call’ and disappear into the smoke of your own genius.   The Moral Dilemma   Here arises an intriguing philosophical question: are annoying people really to blame for being that way? Or are we, with our unrealistic expectations and lack of tolerance, the real villains? Simone de Beauvoir said: ‘Man is free; but he finds the law in his own freedom.’ Perhaps we should reflect on our own responsibility for harbouring negative feelings towards these inevitable human interactions.   What results in the development of empathy, that rare and elusive feeling, can also be useful. Try to imagine the annoying person as a human being with their own problems and insecurities. Maybe they're just trying to get attention, like a peacock desperate for praise and recognition. Or maybe they're just... annoying and that's fine.   The Great Challenge of Living with Humans   The world is full of annoying people and, unless you move to a cave in the Himalayas, you're going to have to learn to live with them. Living with them can be a daily test of mental endurance and self-control. So if you think about it, these individuals provide us with a constant exercise in spiritual evolution - or at least a great opportunity to train our ability to avoid a breakdown.   Let's not forget that deep down we are all just part of the chaotic spectacle of human life and we don't control the actions of others, only our own. So if all the methods, techniques and strategies for getting along fail, we can always feign dementia or an attack of selective amnesia.   In my opinion, annoying people are like distorted mirrors; they show us our own flaws and insecurities in an uncomfortable light. Perhaps it's time we embraced this discomfort and used it to grow - or at least to laugh as we move forward. Now, if you've got this far without wanting to throw your mobile phone at the wall, congratulations! You're ready to survive without the need for police reports. So how about exploring some more?   Like it, leave your testimony in the comments, what techniques do you use to avoid using your primary defendant? And don't forget to share it with those who need a dose of philosophical sarcasm.  And if you want to access exclusive content and dive into the ‘backstage’ of the most daring ideas, visit the UN4RT  website - a free refuge for brilliant minds who need a breather from this exhausting world.   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT     Yes, the sources, references and inspirations are there! Good luck, you'll need it!   Doctor or Monster , a reference to the classic work of literature written by Scotsman Robert Louis Stevenson : ‘ The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde / The Doctor and the Monster ’. Jean-Paul Sartre , Huis Clos (No Exit). Arthur Schopenhauer , Parerga and Paralipomena . Jean-Jacques Rousseau , the quotation in the article is an adaptation of a popular proverb, not a direct quotation linked to a specific work. Seneca , Letters to Lucilius. Neues Museum , n English ‘New Museum’ is one of the five museums that make up Museum Island. (Museuminsel) in Berlin, Germany. Bust of Nefertiti , an important work made of limestone and approximately 3400 years old, which depicts Nefertiti, the Great Royal Wife of the pharaoh Akhenaton. The bust is on display at the Neues Museum in Berlin, Germany. Marcus Aurelius , Meditations. Buddha ,  Dhammapada . Friedrich Nietzsche , Twilight of the Idols. Oscar Wilde , Irish writer, poet and playwright. Sun Tzu , The Art of War. Simone de Beauvoir , The Ethics of Ambiguity.

In the wild paradise of the internet, there's always some guru saying that waking up at 5am and taking a cold shower is the secret to success. And if there's one thing that's trending, it's productivity - as well as its cousin, the notorious burnout.  In the theatre of modern life, being disciplined has become a violent sport - almost a competition over who can ignore their human desires the most in the name of high performance.  Imagine a world where you wake up at 5.15am, drink a green juice or bulletproof coffee and run 10 kilometres while listening to a podcast about ‘quantum productivity’. If that sounds like a dream come true, congratulations! You've just wished you were in machine mode, where even your leisure time is timed to generate ‘existential efficiency’ reports.  The irony? Discipline is indeed necessary for life, but our society has taken this idea and started selling it in the best ‘life hacks’ style, all at a modest price, of course.   It sounds very practical and pretty, but come on, capitalist grasshopper. Before you turn into a caffeine- and spreadsheet-fuelled automaton, let's philosophise a little about how to tame this beast of discipline without having to sell your soul to the god of unbridled profit.  Being disciplined and productive is perfectly possible, even better it's achievable and you won't need to become a cyborg programmed by some coach in a tight shirt. All without a nervous breakdown and even without having to read ‘The Magic of the Morning’, thinking it was a divine revelation (my own experience). Yes, even if nobody tells you, there is a middle ground between absolute laziness and the cult of high performance, and all without turning our lives into an eternal episode of ‘Black Mirror’.  Let's start by poking - very lightly - at the wound of the status quo.   The Great Misunderstanding: Discipline ≠ Modern Slavery   Let's say the word discipline has been hijacked. In the past, philosophers like Aristotle saw discipline as a path to virtue - the ethos  of those who sought excellence (not followers). Today, it's been repackaged and has become synonymous with working until you're sick or die. (Ps: That's not discipline, it's alienation with a productivity filter, hint hint).   Disciplining yourself isn't about becoming an efficient machine, it's about building an honest relationship with yourself. It's more about self-mastery and less about self-exploitation. Simone de Beauvoir said that ‘...freedom is the act of choosing oneself at every moment...’ - that, ladies and gentlemen, is discipline and not chaining oneself to a toxic productivity agenda. It's consciously deciding where we're going to invest our time, our focus and our energy.   How to have more Discipline: The Dilemma between Zen and Corporate Zombie   The problem today is that we have come to confuse discipline with obedience. Obedience is a slave; discipline is free. Thinkers like Michel Foucault have already warned us about the techniques of power that discipline includes. These techniques are subtle forms of control that we internalise and that shape our behaviour. Discipline, in this context, can be seen as a technology of power that is imposed on us, domesticating us for the proper functioning of society.   But what if we could subvert this logic? What if discipline were a tool for personal liberation, a means of achieving our own goals, detached from the incessant pursuit of capital accumulation? Nietzsche , with his usual audacity, told us about the ‘will to power’, not as domination of others, but as the driving force for self-overcoming. Genuine discipline, therefore, would not be imposed from outside, but would emanate from an internal desire to grow, to conquer oneself. It's the difference between being a robot programmed to obey and an artist who sculpts his own life with care and dedication.   Of course, this idea wouldn't have gone down too well in the factories of the 19th century, where workers learnt to dance to the music of the machines - today, choreographies are made for engagement metrics. The school? Nothing more than an assembly line for ‘useful minds’.  Simone de Beauvoir already spoke brilliantly about freedom as a constant project, a daily ethical construction. In this spirit, discipline isn't a prison, it's a bridge. Between what you want to be and what you're willing to do to get there.  You don't have to wake up at 5am. But you could stop scrolling through your social media feed until dawn, the meaning of your life won't appear in the next story.  The Invisible Monster   You know him well, maybe you're even him - sometimes - you just don't realise it. You're the one who wakes up to one or more annoying alarms - and who presses ‘snooze mode’ several times before getting up and is already listening to a productivity podcast while in the bathroom, then answering emails or scrolling through social media while munching on an isolated protein bar and treating any form of rest as a moral failing and useless ‘for not doing anything’.   That robot is the legitimate child of a society that has convinced you that your only function on this planet is to produce. Not to reflect. Not to feel. Not to create. Just produce, easy to understand and execute. You're just another member of the Borg collective. It lives in us whenever we feel guilty about resting and when we look at a beautiful sunset while thinking ‘I should be doing something useful with my life’.  Let me tell you something, this thought is not yours, but that of people who monetise your attention, your anxiety and your time. Exaggeration? Read on.   Visions of Discipline   Simone de Beauvoir , with her lucid analysis of the female condition, showed us how social structures often impose invisible disciplines on us, limiting our choices and moulding us into predefined roles. Her quest for autonomy and freedom required relentless personal discipline, a refusal to bow to other people's expectations. With his mathematical and philosophical ideas, Pythagoras spoke of the importance of order and harmony. He believed that discipline was something that extended far beyond the simple fulfilment of rules, something deeper that reflected our search for inner balance, the consistency between our thoughts and actions.   Stoicism, on the other hand, defended self-discipline as the road to virtue and acceptance of the things we can't control. Meanwhile, hedonism whispers in a hoarse voice that momentary and immediate pleasure is the only truly relevant goal. The middle ground, as always, seems to be the ideal - and the most labour-intensive to achieve. We can seek pleasure, of course, but without it completely distracting us from our long-term goals. Let's say it's like eating half a tin of carrot cake with Belgian chocolate ganache icing at the weekend, knowing that we have an appointment with the dietician on Monday.   Behaviourism, with its reinforcement and punishment experiments, tries to condition us to desirable behaviours through rewards and corrections. But do we really want to be like Pavlov's puppies, salivating at the sound of the productivity bell? Genuine discipline comes from an internal understanding of why we do what we do, and not just from seeking an external reward.   Discipline and Freedom: An unlikely marriage?   The apparent contradiction between discipline and freedom is just that: apparent. Again using the Stoics as an example - especially Epictetus - who already taught us that true freedom comes from internal mastery. It's not about doing what you want and when you want, but knowing what's worth doing and standing firm, even - and especially - when no one is looking. Virginia Woolf, at the height of her visceral writing, would say that you need ‘a room of your own’ - an internal space for reflection and choice, which can be summarised as space, time and silence. Both Epictetus and Virginia were talking about the same thing in different ways: Structure as freedom, not prison. Healthy discipline is an architecture of existence. A pact between you and your ability to create meaning, even in the midst of chaos. But it's important not to fall into the trap of thinking that discipline and austerity are synonymous. In fact, all of this also boils down to healing our relationship with time. We should stop seeing the hours as coins and start seeing them as brushes. Demystifying Self-Discipline   Discipline is that stubborn muscle you need to exercise. At first, it hurts, you sweat, you think a million times about giving up and maybe even cry a little in the foetal position. But with time and constant practice, it gets stronger, allowing you to lift heavier weights - metaphorically or literally, it depends - and all without your mental sanity ‘going to buy cigarettes and never coming back’.   Therefore, being disciplined - in my experience - means being consistent with your own objectives, not those of your company's HR department or those of other people. It's having the courage to choose a comfortable and constant cadence in a world that values erratic haste. It's sleeping eight or nine hours a night with your mobile phone in aeroplane mode. It's reading at least 10 pages of a book without checking your mobile every three minutes.   Real discipline is subversive. Because it implies self-knowledge, and self-knowledge is the most dangerous weapon against a system that wants us alienated, tired and sick.   Practices & Tips for Loose Discipline (all without having to become a Drone)  Let's get down to business. Here are several (not so) secret practices that I've sought out, studied and practised - some to this day, not only on how to have more discipline, but also on how to optimise it. Choose the one(s) that make the most sense to you and just go!   Be wary of productivity gurus:  they profit from your insecurity. If someone promises that your life will change in 7 steps (with or without a planner), run. Life is more chaotic than that, and what works for one person may not work for the rest of the population. Remember: Buddha learnt to meditate without needing an online course, so you can too. Define your ‘whys’ clearly : why do you want to be more disciplined? If the answer is just ‘to make money and impress my neighbours’, perhaps you lack a deeper purpose. Set priorities that make sense to you : not to your boss. Not for your husband/wife/children, in other words, no-one but YOU. Start small, think big (but don't put too much pressure on yourself at first) : don't try to run a marathon on the first day. Start with small, achievable goals and gradually increase them. Have a routine, but treat it as an outline, not a court judgement : flexibility is also discipline. Rigidity is the fastest way to giving up. Manage your distractions (unless they're really fun) : identify what prevents you from concentrating (social media, side conversations, the rambling of your own mind) and find strategies to deal with it. Avoid multitasking like avoiding a financial pyramid scheme - unless you REALLY have the capacity to do it : doing everything at the same time is the shortest route to doing nothing properly. Include rest as part of the process, not as a reward : rest is not a reward. It's a physiological, mental, emotional and creative need. Use the Pomodoro technique with wine: work for 25 minutes, rest for 5 and on the fifth cycle replace the coffee with wine, for example. Embrace the art of saying ‘no’:  saying no to useless meetings and other things we don't want or need (including people) is like saying ‘no’ to an overdose of sugar - it hurts at first, saves later. Use technology to your advantage (without becoming a slave to it) : there are many applications and tools that can help you organise your progress. But remember, they are tools, not masters. Practise mindfulness and self-care (broken robots don't produce) : sleep well, eat real food and make time for activities that give you pleasure. Concentrate on your present, you don't need to become the Dalai Lama. You just need to be  aware of where you are. Create rituals (without falling into neurosis), not just tasks : Making coffee can be a ritual of focus. Writing can be a ritual of presence. Drinking coffee while reading a book is more effective than marking ‘read 10 pages’ in your diary. Rituals give meaning to actions and create pleasure in practice. And pleasure is addictive - or why do you think rituals are still used so much in religions and so on? Rituals are sacred, routines are bureaucratic. Use this to your advantage. Let go of the lash of penance, be comfortable with inconstancy and allow yourself to fail : Discipline is not linear. There will be good days and not so good days. The important thing is not to give up at the first slip, so train like a Zen monk, but allow yourself a lazy day. Even the samurai had days off. Develop self-compassion (because you are not - yet - a superhuman, regardless of whether you think you are or try to be one) : Be kind to yourself, especially in times of difficulty. Excessive self-criticism is paralysing. Deal with procrastination as a symptom, not a character defect : You don't procrastinate because you're lazy. Maybe it's fear, or insecurity, or tiredness, or even boredom... Investigate! Reinterpret failure : You made a mistake? Good. Now you have data, not a reason to flagellate yourself. Replace self-criticism with self-responsibility : ‘I only fuck up’ is self-punishment. ‘I made a mistake, I can do better’ is maturity. One phrase builds, the other destroys. Embrace creative leisure:  discipline lives where entertainment dies. Anyone who can't spend 10 minutes in silence with themselves is going to be held hostage by the algorithm. Uninstall social media. At least for a week. Go on, be strong. As Bertrand Russell once said: ‘Boredom is a breeding ground for ideas.’ Give the algorithm a holiday and give your intuition time : those who live by notifications become products. Silence your mobile phone and listen to yourself. Ps: You have really good ideas. So listen to yourself. Have a greater motive than your bank account : goals motivated only by money or social validation become sand dripping through your fingers. Discipline requires purpose. Ask yourself: ‘What exactly do I want this for?’   Create micro-habits, not existential marathons : Don't try to become a Buddhist monk in 3 days. Start with 10 minutes of reading, 5 minutes of meditation, 2 minutes of conscious breathing. It's the accumulation of small actions that moves mountains. Automate what doesn't matter, prioritise what moves you : Steve Jobs always wore the same clothes. Not because he was a Zen monk and certainly not because he couldn't afford to buy new ones, but because he understood that focus is a limited resource. Save your energy for creating, not for deciding between jeans or a sweatshirt. Always doubt that ‘great is the enemy of good ’: Perfection is a trap to justify   burnout. Prefer ‘done, not perfect’ - even your coffee can be bad and still work. Reward yourself without guilt, celebrate micro-victories, but in moderation : Celebrate your achievements, even the ones you consider small, this will help you reinforce positive habits. Finished an email without sending someone to hell? Congratulations. Only those who live/work with people know how much this counts as a victory. Practise ‘cold ignition’ : Start boring tasks without thinking and do them first. As Nietzsche would say: ‘Sometimes you have to jump into the abyss and discover that it is shallow’. Mix work and pleasure (in moderation, of course) : write reports while listening to heavy metal. Read a philosophy book in a pub. Chaos can be extremely productive. Just don't use it as an excuse for a lack of organisation in your home or acts of a sexual nature in public. Cultivate discipline like a novel, not like a military regime : Discipline isn't something you impose, it's something you seduce. It's a daily flirtation with your best self, not a rallying cry. Practise patience (discipline is a marathon, not a 100-metre race) : Significant results take time. Don't get frustrated if you don't see changes overnight. Find a ‘discipline partner’ (if you're the type who can stand the company of another person or who needs encouragement from someone) : Sharing your goals with someone can help you stay motivated and accountable, BUT be absolutely careful with this. Choose someone you really trust and (preferably) who shares the same goal as you. Otherwise: Grow in silence! You don't have to tell anyone about your dreams, goals and plans. Remember that your value doesn't lie in what you produce : you're valuable even if you spend the day staring at the ceiling, scratching your bum or even dragging chains around the house.   In Brief (for those who have just arrived and are too lazy)   Discipline isn't a lash, it's a compass. It serves to guide you, not punish you. Being disciplined without becoming a slave to work is finding a balance between the pursuit of goals and respect for your own sanity. It's about using discipline as a tool to achieve what really matters to you, without letting yourself be consumed by the pressure of a system that often wants us to be mere production machines. It's about having focus, creating healthy habits and persisting, but it's also about knowing when to slow down and enjoy life. Society tries to sell us the idea that discipline is synonymous with obedience - to something or someone. That's a lie. Real discipline is a silent rebellion against the tyranny of ‘I don't have time’. Did you like the article?   Leave your comments, suggest topics, curse my analogies, send questions, share with friends who are slaves to planners... We'll read everything and respond with pleasure!   Oh, and if you're the more demanding type, more questioning, more off the beaten track, then hurry over to the UN4RT  website - our backstage with even more daring and visceral content, made especially for those who won't swallow superficiality even with brown sugar.  Discipline, yes. Not alienation. Resist, be disciplined, but in your own way and with style! Author's note : This article ‘wrote itself in my mind’ between 3am and 5am, with the help of mosquitoes buzzing in my ears, a cat fight at my window and a healthy hatred of my Notion idea organisation spreadsheets. Irony is never accidental - it's a survival technique.       ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT       Ah, get the sources, references and inspirations out there, just don't bother!     Black Mirror, British television series that was bought by Netflix. It was created by Charlie Brooker and focuses on dark themes in a satirical way, where the main focus is modern society. In particular, it talks about how technology can turn our lives into a ‘high-tech nightmare ’. Aristotle , Nicomachean Ethics . Ethos, a word of Greek origin with a philosophical concept. It is defined as the set of characteristics and ways of being that define the character or identity of a group. For the ancient Greeks, this word originally meant the dwelling place of man, in other words, nature. Ethos is moulded through education, example and constant practice, which forms virtuous character. Simone de Beauvoir , The Ethics of Ambiguity . Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish e a The History of Sexuality. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra . Borg, ‘Resistance is futile’, a phrase known by the “species” of cybernetic organisms from the fictional Star Trek universe. They believe that the solution to all the universe's problems is to turn everyone into a robot with no opinion of their own. Pythagoras of Samos, Greek philosopher and mathematician, founder of Pythagoreanism. Stoicism , a philosophy that teaches us to live according to reason, seeking inner tranquillity by accepting what we cannot control, focussing on our reactions to adversity. Hedonism, a philosophy that defends the pursuit of pleasure as the main goal in life. Behaviorism, a psychological approach that focuses on the study of observable behaviour, rejecting the analysis of internal mental processes. Pavlov's puppies , a reference to a famous experiment conducted by psychologist Ivan Pavlov, which demonstrated the principle of classical conditioning. In the experiment, Pavlov used a sound (bell-like) every time he offered food to a puppy. After several repetitions, the dog began to salivate only when it heard the sound of the bell, even if it didn't receive any food. This was because the sound was associated with food, and the dog began to automatically respond to the sound with salivation, without the need for the presence of food itself. This phenomenon showed how behaviour can be conditioned by associations with external stimuli. Epictetus , The Handbook (Enchiridion). Virginia Woolf , A Room of One's Own . Buddha , or Siddhartha Gautama, was an Indian prince who lived between the 6th and 5th centuries BC. Dalai Lama, title given to the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism, considered to be the incarnation of Avalokiteshvara, the Bodhisattva of Compassion. The current Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso , was born in 1935 in Tibet and was recognised as the fourteenth incarnation of the Dalai Lama when he was two years old. Bertrand Russel , The Conquest of Happiness. Steve Jobs , was one of the founders of Apple Inc. He was widely known for his vision, perfectionism and his ability to anticipate market needs, as well as his insistence on simplicity and user experience. Notion, productivity application that integrates various tools. Developed by Notion Labs Inc. and launched in 2016.

Ah, motivation! A beautiful word, full of promises and more like a mythical creature. It's the elixir of coaches, the unicorn of the lazy and the perfect excuse for those who live in existential ‘snooze mode’.  But, between you and me, who hasn't heard - or said - this gem of procrastination disguised as self-knowledge?  In this article, we're going to analyse this universal statement by the eternal initiates, the experts in beginnings and the masters of non-action. We're going to take a trip to the world of those who never finish anything, but firmly believe that everything would change if only motivation would appear.  There's something rotten in the self-help kingdom - and that's why we're going to talk about it with all the seriousness of a comedy. What is Motivation?   According to behavioural dictionaries, motivation is the internal impulse that makes us act. Blah, blah, blah... In real life and in practice, it's the fire in your ass that makes you get out of bed and write that essay on ‘ The Illusion of the Self ’ - which has been mouldering away for months. Or start that healthy eating programme. Or reply to people who have been writing to you for over a week. But let's face it: motivation is a lousy lover - beautiful and full of promise at the beginning, but ‘when it comes down to it’, it disappears. Friedrich Nietzsche , always audacious, used to say that human beings create illusions in order to survive the void. And motivation is certainly one of those illusions.   The Eternal Beginnings Syndrome: A passion called Starting Point   Seriously, most of us may disagree, but we can't deny it: Getting started is easy. Yes, everything new has more lustre. Beginnings intoxicate and offer the illusion of infinite possibilities. Kierkegaard said ‘... anguish is the vertigo of freedom...’ and it is precisely in the freedom of choice, in the sea of possibilities, that many drown. But why is it so difficult to finish what we've started? The answer may be simple: completing something requires confrontation. Finishing something means looking in the mirror and facing everything we were, what we failed to be and everything we could have been. It means seeing failure and mediocrity where there should only be responsibility. Beginning, on the other hand, is pure romanticism, with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and expensive notebooks that won't be crossed out and used until the end.   Motivation is not a cause. It's a consequence!   And the hard truth that nobody wants to hear is: Nobody acts because they're motivated. But everyone is motivated because they have started to act. Action always comes first. Motivation is just the applause that echoes at the end. An example of this is taking up walking (or any other type of physical exercise). The first day is a slog. On the second, we're still making excuses not to go. On the third, perhaps we feel less pain. On the tenth day, we look in the mirror and see a minimum of definition - even if it's illusory, it doesn't matter - but something inside us lights up. And there's the motivation, like the fire and not like the spark.   The Unicorn Corporation of the Modern Era and the Generation of Almost   Let's just say that, as well as living in the age of ‘almost’, motivation has become a fetish. It's sold and packaged in three-minute videos with epic soundtracks and out-of-context catchphrases. The interesting thing is that many of us need it to keep ‘going’ - yes, it's sad. Just like an addiction, the motivation market works in the same way. What nobody tells you is that motivation is something that comes and goes. It acts in the same way as a Sunday night moral hangover, which always promises changes on Monday - something that is never fulfilled. But the issue here is not a lack of motivation but a lack of discipline. It's very easy to feel motivated by a sunset and promise yourself that everything will change tomorrow. It's hard to get up early on Monday and do what needs to be done - even if you don't want to.   Our dear, bitter and brilliant Nietzsche said: ‘He who has a why will face any how.’ In other words, if you don't know what you want out of life, no motivation will be enough for you. Nobody erects statues to those who have almost made history. Jean-Paul Sartre said that we are condemned to be free and in this freedom we often choose inertia dressed up as planning. And it's not that we lack capacity, what we lack is the ability to face up to the fact that, behind the talk of a lack of motivation, what may exist is fear of failure, of judgement, of change and even of being successful.   Motivation has become a gourmet  excuse for a lack of discipline  and shame. We live in times when the idea of being productive requires buying courses, hiring coaches and following people who we don't even know if their lives are real. And as if that weren't enough, where are those who buy into these ideas and ‘techniques’ but remain stuck and feel even more frustrated? The ‘side effects’ aren't mentioned, and when they are, it's obviously in illegible letters.  My point is: the problem is not the techniques, but the identity behind the need for them. Seeing yourself as someone doomed to give up: ‘Oh, that's just me.’, ‘I just can't do it!’... No, my dear. You chose to be like that. Assume it! Freedom implies responsibility, including for your own failures.   Raw and Honest Practices for: Get rid of the curse of non-completion, stop relying on motivation and to act more consistently Well, enough of the rhetoric and let's get down to business. If you're willing to step out of the victim role and take responsibility for your life, these suggestions are for you!   Have clear objectives  - there's no point in wanting to ‘be better’. Better for what? What for? Why? Switch off notifications when you're focused on something important  - Seriously. All of them. Focus isn't born in noise (unless you practise it). Learn to enjoy boredom  - repetition builds results. Stop comparing yourself  - This will get you nowhere, as most people use comparison as self-flagellation rather than inspiration. Create real consequences  - what will happen if you don't do what needs to be done? It will continue the way you don't want it to. Is there a greater punishment than being mediocre in your own life? Not for me. Be your own ‘boss  ’ - self-indulgence is the cradle of failure. Set a ‘shame deadline  ’ - set dates, appointments with yourself. Cross out phrases like: ‘When I can, I'll do it...’, ‘Monday I'll start...’, ‘Tomorrow I'll do it...’ from your dialogue (internal and external).   Reward yourself for the effort and not for the result  - make the process more enjoyable than the result itself. Learn to start with what you hate  - the least pleasurable tasks should always be done first and without overthinking it. Don't give yourself chances to give up before you've even started. Accept the fact that nothing will be perfect  - do it, because what's done is far better than what's ideal. Perfectionism is just another form of fear. Read more biographies and fewer self-help quotes  - people have become accustomed to wanting things ready-made, ignoring the process behind them. Go and see how the thing was built, how much discipline was involved. Understand your energy cycles  - stop charging yourself to exhaustion. Especially us women who don't have a stable monthly line. Respect is the watchword here! Keep a list of things you've finished  - that way you'll see how capable you are. Create rituals, not hope  - those who hope are always waiting for something. Stop waiting, create your own rituals, they give you pleasure and pleasure is addictive! Reward yourself, but sparingly  - too much pampering creates what? Spoilt adults, so stop proliferating this ‘breed’. The world is already full of spoilt people, you don't have to be one yourself for a change.    The Motivation Paradox   Funnily enough, those who need motivation are the ones who run away from action the most. Yes, it's cruel, but it's real. Those who try to motivate themselves are often those who have already decided, even if unconsciously, that they are not going to finish the thing itself. These are the people who look externally for what should really be an internal commitment. Discipline is boring, but it's faithful. Motivation may be sexy, but it's a bitch. Simone de Beauvoir would say: ‘It is through work that woman frees herself from man, and man from boredom.’ Replace the word ‘work’ with ‘action’ and you'll turn a key. Summary for the motivated   If you've come this far expecting a magic formula for motivation, I'm sorry. What you need isn't motivation, maybe just a bit of shame and a dose of self-irony. Motivation doesn't grow on trees. But maybe you'll realise that it doesn't save anyone from anything. It can inspire, but it's discipline that will build. Habit moulds, but it's persistence, that insistent nag, that will turn any project into a reality.   What we need is more attitude, more action and not more motivation. We need to build up the courage to continue, even without the internal applause. The motivation will go, but the habit will stay. So let's not fool ourselves any longer. Let's start now. Even if we don't want to, even if we don't feel like it. No-one will save us from the comfortable prison we've built for ourselves. And if you're the type who likes a philosophical punch and a kick of irony, keep reading the other articles on the blog. Here the talk is straight and without make-up. Comment, ask questions, criticise, suggest topics, send it to your mum, send it to your crush  or to that friend who's always talking about motivation. And of course, check out the UN4RT  website - our free backstage of in-depth and exclusive content, made especially for those who aren't afraid to think, feel and transform.  And remember: The pain of regret is silent but unbearable. The pain of action is noisy but liberating. At the moment of death, it is better to die with memories than with dreams.     ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT     Here are the sources, references and inspirations. Go and read.   Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Søren Kierkegaard , The Concept of Angst . Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex .

Grab a coffee, sweeten it with disdain and sit down. Focus and let's go, restless soul, because today we're going to talk about a social addiction that no one likes to admit they have, but that everyone practises. You know that feeling that someone owes you something? That little bit of frustration that comes up when someone doesn't live up to your simplest expectations? Well, hopeful creature, let's tear away the veil of illusion, because yes, waiting is the art of suffering in advance, and we deserve better! Take a deep breath. Let it out. Repeat after me: ‘ No one owes me anything .’ And now, keep reading...   The Origin of Addiction   Why do we expect so much from others? Since childhood, we have been indoctrinated by the greatest illusion industry that has ever existed, ‘society’. Like a good salesperson, it always pushes the whole package on us: unconditional love, eternal loyalty, 24-hour availability, understanding and ‘humane’ bosses, fairy-tale relationships... And all this for a modest price: our time, attention and, in some cases, our sanity. Sartre , our favourite lucid curmudgeon, once said: ‘Hell is other people.’ Not because other people are heartless monsters, but because we insist on projecting onto them everything we would like to receive - even if, for some mystical-karmic reason, we never do.   Expectations: the Mother of Frustration (and the Absent Father of Peace of Mind)   Have you ever stopped to think that every disappointment is the bastard child of an uncommunicated expectation? We usually fantasise, project, romanticise and then complain that the other person doesn't reciprocate, when they didn't even know they were part of a mental soap opera script. Expecting others to reciprocate, understand, perceive and read between the lines of our neural litanies... is like using an open Wi-Fi network and thinking we're browsing safely. The problem isn't the other person, but the connection we hope to have.   Smart people who had already figured this out long before it became a trend   Epictetus , the root of Stoicism, already said that we should control what depends on us and ignore the rest. Expecting others to do something is the opposite of Stoic philosophy. If we want peace, we have to abandon the ‘he/she should’ and embrace the ‘whatever.’   Nietzsche , with his eternal return and acceptance of inevitable chaos, had already said it best: ‘If you had to live your life, with all its disappointments, over and over again... would you live it?’ Yeah, right, so it's better to stop being like a broken record, repeating the mantra of expecting others to be how you are with them. Wanting the world to fit our values is pure arrogance. Suffering is inherent to existence, but resisting it transforms us. The Übermensch  (‘Superman’/‘Beyond Man’) expects nothing from anyone. He creates. He transforms ‘you disappointed me’ into ‘I don't care! I'm going to surpass myself!’ Therefore, expecting nothing from others is to stop resisting the obvious: the other is and always will be unpredictable.   Simone de Beauvoir , wonderful and sarcastic, already warned us: ‘...the other is free, even when it hurts us...’ Expecting others to understand us or treat us as we would like is to deny their freedom. We should not want to mould or manipulate them just because we want affection, attention, acceptance or paid bills. Other people's freedom is rarely sympathetic to our emotional whims. Simone Weil , the mystical philosopher, once said that giving without expecting anything in return is the only act that characterises true freedom. Genuine love gives without asking or expecting anything in return. Not because those who do so are weak, but because they are aware of their strength.   Schopenhauer , that pessimistic uncle with a grim face, said that all forms of attachment are potential suffering. ‘Life swings like a pendulum between pain and boredom.’ So adding ‘expectations about something or someone’ to that pendulum would be like asking to be hit in the face with a brick. Therefore, expecting something is digging the grave of our own peace of mind with a teaspoon.   Lacan said that desire always belongs to the other, which means we're fucked. What we want others to offer us — whatever that may be — is something they have no idea even exists. Waiting is like trying to control something unconscious, something that even the ‘recipient of that wait’ doesn't understand.   Chico Xavier – yes, let's add a spiritual twist to things – preached, ‘Expect the best, prepare for the worst, and accept whatever comes.’ Even the people's favourite medium knew this and threw this stoic wisdom wrapped in spirituality in the face of Brazilian society.   The Social Paradox: the longer we wait, the more we are told to be patient   Anyone who has never heard the annoying phrase ‘Everything in its own time’ doesn't know what it's like to want to punch someone in the face. We are aware that we live ‘at the mercy of temporal laws’, as Severus Snape said: ‘Time and space matter in magic, Potter.’ But even so, there are the ‘Einsteins’ of life who love to repeat this phrase as if it were the elixir of problem solving, when those on the other side - in most cases - find themselves in the midst of an emotional storm.   It's curious how many of us demand only the bare minimum — respect, consideration, a response that isn't just an emoji... — and often, even that minimum is enough to earn a ‘calm down’ or ‘yeah, it's a shame, but that's normal...’ in response.   Even more curious, in my opinion, is when we stop expecting, paying attention, or calling bad behaviour ‘normal.’ That's when, as if by magic, we become cold, selfish, ‘disillusioned,’ negative... and even crazy nihilists.   Emotional Dependency in Liquid Times   Our relationships have a short shelf life, but eternal demands. Therefore, we cannot depend emotionally on people who change their profile pictures every week and promise love in 233 characters and emojis. Waiting is giving power, and waiting is the altar where despair marries disappointment. It is when we turn others into the owners of our peace.   And why does it hurt us so much?   Because we are trained to please and be pleased. Conditioned, like Pavlov's dogs, salivating at every crumb of approval. Because the ego always screams ‘I deserve more!’ And maybe it does, but the universe has no obligation to give anything when the being does not do it for itself.   Practices for Sending Expectations to Hell   These are suggestions, do them at your own risk. The idea is always to create unicorns, but not to create expectations.   Start the day by saying, ‘No one owes me anything , but I owe myself everything ’ - Repeat this like a mantra. Write it on the mirror. Print it on a T-shirt. It's more liberating than cheap therapy. Stick it on your forehead: ‘I am not the centre of the universe’  - This is not a lack of self-esteem. It is emotional maturity. Accepting that no one is obligated to act the way you want them to is the pure juice of freedom. Have a list of everything the world does not owe you  - The list is long, but starting to write it is realising how much responsibility you have for yourself. Keep your sarcasm sharp  - Sarcasm is the philosophical shield of the sensitive. Use it sparingly and with timely irony. Practice anonymous generosity - Do good and forget about it, because expecting a ‘thank you’ is just another undiagnosed addiction. Be wary of promises (including your own) - Value those who surprise you more than those who promise you something. Promises are like expired jelly beans: they look good, but the taste disappoints. Learn to laugh at drama before it laughs at you  - If everything goes wrong, laugh. But laugh hard, almost screaming. Laughter is the cheapest and most painless form of emotional revenge. When someone fails you, repeat: ‘That's about them, not me.’  - The responsibility for creating expectations is and always will be yours, but the fact that someone else screwed up is not your problem. Be present, but with one foot out the door  - This does not mean you should have shallow relationships. Empathy, yes. But with common sense. If the door of affection slams shut, don't let it hit you in the face. Use ‘fuck you’ with spiritual awareness  - It's not about being insensitive, but about knowing where your peace begins and where the other person's ‘obligation’ ends. Develop an erotic relationship with the word ‘no’  - It's short, honest, and will save you money on therapy sessions. Have emotional escape plans  - Yes, they work like an emergency button. When shit starts to stink, at least you have somewhere to go (even if it's just to take a cold shower). Reward yourself when you don't explode  - There's nothing like chocolate, a walk, or a good book to celebrate maturity. So every time you don't send that long text or listen to that podcast, celebrate. That's spiritual growth. Make yourself your best company  - There is a big difference between loneliness and feeling alone. So when loneliness becomes a choice, it ceases to be a prison, and everyone who is or comes close to you can come and go as they please. Create bonds, not dependencies  - Those who need, cling. Those who share, are free. Be wary of exaggerated compliments  - They are like an appetiser before the main course: affection disguised as demands. Let go of ‘recognition’  - Most people will only recognise you after you die. So live your life more lightly. Build your routine without relying on ‘let's make plans’  - If someone wants to, you can be sure they'll show up. Those who want to will find a way, and those who don't will ghost you or make an excuse. Make plans for yourself and invite others, but without pressure  - If someone comes, great. If not, the outing continues and life goes on. Be whole before expecting half from someone else  - This is for those who believe in ‘soul mates,’ ‘better halves,’ and whatever else... Invest in self-development and mature emotionally, so you won't need someone to complete you, but rather to multiply you. Learn to enjoy and respect other people's silence  - Not every silence is rejection - and even if it is, no one is obliged to accept it when they don't want to. Sometimes it's just a lack of desire to respond or someone being... themselves. And that's okay. Avoid using phrases such as ‘if I were you, I would do it differently’  - You are not in the other person's shoes and you might not even be able to handle it. So, if you don't have anything better to say, just keep your mouth shut. Don't forget, there will always be someone ready to judge what you do, feel or choose. But these people are never in your shoes, right? Coincidence? Be generous by choice, never out of need - Don't be a martyr of good intentions, because martyrdom doesn't pay the bills. Doing good and expecting applause is just theatre, and giving something while expecting something in return is a transaction, not generosity. And, like any good transaction, there is always the risk of default. Do it if you want to, and forget about it if you don't get anything in return. Treat expectations like an ex-boyfriend: say thank you and walk away  - They were part of your life and now they're just getting in the way. Say goodbye with class. Make a list of broken illusions and read it from time to time  - Nothing teaches you more than a good dose of documented reality. It's therapeutic. Not waiting is being free; it's not about being cold   It's easy to get confused. The absence of expectations is not cynicism, it's just clarity. We continue to love, give ourselves, live together, curse - but without letting others define our peace. We do, we offer, we contribute... because we choose to, not because we expect something in return. The truth is that the only person who can guarantee anything for you is... yourself. Expecting things from others is like placing a high bet at a casino. You may win, but you will lose more often than you would like. The secret to peace lies in letting go, detaching yourself, releasing expectations, idealizations, and outsourced dreams. Those who expect nothing from anyone are never disappointed and are still surprised from time to time. To avoid any doubt:   No one is here to meet your expectations. And that's not a bad thing. It's actually liberating. Freeing ourselves from the need for approval, recognition, and emotional feedback makes us lighter. And no, it doesn't make us insensitive. It makes us more lucid. Life is better when we stop carrying other people's emotional baggage.   ‘ Laziness kills ambition, jealousy kills peace, anger kills wisdom, fear kills dreams .’ (Now read that backwards) - Augusto Cury .   If you enjoyed this philosophical beating, then come closer:   Read more blog articles - direct, sharp and sarcastic. Comment, criticise, suggest, ask questions. This space is also yours, and revolution begins with exchange. Share with those who live waiting for crumbs and calling it a feast. And of course, visit the UN4RT  website - our backstage where only the brave have access. There you'll find exclusive, free content, raw and unfiltered, just waiting for those who really want to break out of the script.   PS : In case anyone is wondering how to practise all this with people close to them, such as family and friends... The answer is simple: with the same lightness of someone visiting an exhibition, i.e., admire, respect... and leave. But if you still want to expect something from someone, the answer would be: waiting is human, just don't build castles on other people's promises...     ‘The illusion crumbles when we question reality.’ – UN4RT     Oh, take a look at the sources, references and inspirations below. Draw your own conclusions and stop parroting others.   Jean-Paul Sartre , Huis Clos ( No Exit ). Epictetus , The Art of Living   and The Handbook ( Enchiridion ) . Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra  and The Gay Science . Simone de Beauv oir , The Second Sex . Simone Weil , Gravity and Grace. Arthur Schopenhauer , The World as Will and Representation . Jacques Lacan , First Writings . Chico Xavier , Brazilian medium and philanthropist. Although the phrase has been widely disseminated as part of his thinking, it does not appear explicitly in a single work, but rather in his spiritual messages and advice during his lectures and writings throughout his life. Severus Snape , one of the most complex and intriguing characters in the Harry Potter saga, written by J.K. Rowling . Zygmunt Bauman , Liquid Love: On the Frailty of Human Bonds  and  Liquid Modernity and Beyond . Pavlov's dogs , reference to a famous experiment conducted by psychologist Ivan Pavlov, which demonstrated the principle of classical conditioning. In the experiment, Pavlov used a sound (like a bell ringing) whenever he offered food to a dog. After many repetitions, the dog began to salivate just by hearing the bell, even if it did not receive any food. This occurred because the sound was associated with food, and the dog began to respond automatically to the sound with salivation, without the need for the presence of food itself. This phenomenon showed how behaviours can be conditioned by associations with external stimuli. Augusto Cury , The Dreamseller .

Choices, beautiful traps in the guise of freedom. They say we are free to choose our path – but they forgot to mention that we are equally free to dig our own grave. Because even though we know that our choices have consequences – and we're not talking about little pebbles in a lake, but real emotional tsunamis – most of us seem completely inept when it comes to... well, choosing.  Are we stupid? Lazy? Both? Or just victims of a system where choosing badly is more convenient, but accepted, even more profitable? This simple article is a small, sarcastic, philosophical and somewhat acidic dive into the depths of this cruelly relevant question: why, after all, do we choose so badly?   The Paradox of Choice in the Age of Abundance   We are living in the age of ‘anything is possible.’ Endless shelves of products, paths, lifestyles, courses, dating apps, careers, diets, spiritualities, and religions, all ready for quick consumption. But contrary to what the status quo suggests, more options do not necessarily mean better choices. It often means paralysis.   Sartre, from the height of his keen vision, shouted: ‘We are condemned to be free.’ Simone de Beauvoir added to this cry with: ‘... freedom without responsibility is an illusion...’ And what do we do with this freedom? We buy cigarettes, accept toxic jobs for fear of change, marry for convenience and/or need, eat pizza at 3 a.m. and then blame our metabolism. The irony of it all is that freedom paralyses us, and the more options we have, the worse the decision. Yes, and this is not just bar talk. Psychologist Barry Schwartz shows that the ‘ paradox of choice ’ is real. In his work, he demonstrates with data that too many options lead to anxiety, indecision and regret. Therefore, many options do not liberate us, but rather suffocate us. And our brain, my dear, is a lazy conservative that loves mental shortcuts. The result? Quick, dumb choices and addiction to the same old habits. The logic is actually quite simple: when everything is possible, nothing is satisfactory. And this constant dissatisfaction pushes us towards hasty decisions based on impulses, which are always easier to justify afterwards with an ‘oh well, at least I tried’ than facing the frustration of choosing consciously. Another interesting point here is that we love to confuse having options with being free. Freedom is not — and never has been — about quantity of choice, but rather quality in decision-making. Real freedom requires responsibility. And between us, responsibility is not on the wish list of the vast majority of people.   Bad Choices: Are They Genetic or Just Contemporary Stupidity?   Going back a little in our timeline, let's say that Homo sapiens  evolved to survive, not to be happy. Our brains still operate with reward systems developed in the Stone Age. This explains why we choose immediate pleasure over long-term well-being. It's the classic trade-off of inner peace for five minutes of dopamine.  It is undeniable that we are surrounded by manipulative stimuli. Advertising, algorithms, social media gurus — all ready to decide for us. The result? Thoughtless, unconscious, and automated decisions. In an age of infinite information, we are emotionally illiterate, hostages to our own misunderstood desires.   An Old Debate, but Always Relevant   But this whole story is nothing new. Good old Socrates already said that the problem is not not knowing, it is thinking you know. We are in the midst of a ‘pseudo-knowledge’ epidemic. Everyone has an opinion on everything, and many, especially on what they do not understand. When someone thinks they know enough to decide, in reality, they know nothing, and disaster is guaranteed. Socrates said that the key lies in ‘knowing yourself’, something that, in my opinion, few people are interested or willing to do. Understandable, after all, self-knowledge takes work, time and energy, hurts the ego, and everyone knows that the ego loves easy choices. Nietzsche kicked us in the gut with the idea that living is asserting oneself in chaos. It's almost funny, most of us prefer the comfort zone, where decisions are outsourced to leaders, companies, algorithms, gurus, tarot readers, parents, spouses, friends, and so on. Choosing autonomously also means accepting the weight of the consequences, and that requires courage — a virtue that is unfortunately becoming extinct. Simone de Beauvoir , for her part, didn't let us off the hook, reminding us that we are free, yes, but also responsible for what we choose to be. And since no one likes to admit that they are the author of their own bad soap opera, we prefer to blame the horoscope, the movement of the planets, our childhood, our parents, the devil, etc. Responsibility has never been glamorised, but it is what defines whether we will continue to make bad choices or start deciding with a little more awareness.   Pattern Repetition and the Curse of Procrastination   Ah, but to err is human. Yes, it is. But repeating the same mistake is foolish—and turning it into a habit is almost a work of modern art. Bad choices never happen in isolation. They always come in packages, like a supermarket promotion: ‘Buy one bad decision now and get three future regrets for free!’ Now, if there is one thing that undermines good decisions, it is the famous ‘I'll start on Monday’. Putting off a decision is often the same as choosing to give up. Those who put things off will eventually trip over them. Procrastination gives us a false sense of control — ‘I'll choose when I choose’ — but in practice, we are only postponing the inevitable. People who procrastinate live in hope of last-minute divine inspiration.   Self-deception and Laziness of Thinking   It's super comfortable to deceive ourselves. When we make a wrong decision, our brain goes into defence mode and starts creating plausible justifications for what we know deep down was a mistake. Psychology calls this cognitive dissonance, the old mental discomfort caused by thinking one thing and doing another. Instead of facing our mistakes head-on, we prefer to rewrite history — ‘it wasn't that bad...’, ‘better than nothing...’, ‘I'll never do that again...’. And so we go on, throwing justifications at questionable choices, like someone building a castle on a swamp. At that point, the question remains: Is all this fear of making mistakes or laziness in thinking? Ah, cruel little question. Many bad decisions are made not out of ignorance, but out of sheer laziness to reflect. Thinking is hard work, it takes energy, and in some cases it even hurts. So it's no wonder that most people prefer to delegate this task to others. The fear of making mistakes does paralyse us, but laziness numbs us. And, in the midst of this existential limbo, choices are made by everyone and everything, except the person who should actually be making them. We often think we are in control, but we are just clicking ‘accept all cookies’ in life without reading the terms and conditions.   The Outsourcing of Thinking   Man, I have nothing against people seeking advice, I've done it myself, but today we have a veritable industry selling ready-made recipes for life. It's obvious that the amorphous masses no longer feel the need to seek, study and apply things for themselves. There are coaches for everything, from finances to existential purpose. And the most interesting thing is that crowds follow the formulas of these ‘experts’ as if they were sacred manuals, without reflecting, without questioning. As if what they teach really made sense to everyone, and if something goes wrong, it's the client's fault for not doing it right — obvious.  We are in the era of outsourcing thinking. ‘So-and-so said this is the best path for me, so I'm going to take it.’ And if it goes wrong? It's the fault of the person who said it. Convenient, isn't it? There are people following the advice of a 15-second dance video and still wondering why they made the wrong choice.     Practices to Avoid (or at least try to avoid) Making Bad Choices   Alright, life is chaotic, society is lost, social media manipulates us, the media only lies, and our brains love to sabotage us. Since it's always someone else's fault, we might as well stay calm, because all is not lost.  People don't value what is given for free (if you want to buy us a coffee, click here ), but even so, I'm going to offer some suggestions. If you want to do it, do it; if you don't, don't. It's your responsibility. Meditate  - it's not hippie talk, it's a tool for self-awareness and self-control. Breathe before deciding anything  - impulse is the enemy of clarity. Question your intentions  - why are you choosing this? Will it bring you closer to your goal? Write  - put your options on paper, read them aloud. How do they sound? Sometimes that's the only way to realise how stupid certain ideas are. Avoid making decisions when you're feeling emotional  - emotions completely distort the reality of the situation. Make lists of pros and cons  - be pragmatic like Ross. In these cases, it's a simple and effective tool. Conduct a risk analysis  — what could go right? What could go wrong? I know, it's scary, but it helps a lot. Study your past choices  — mistakes teach more than coaches, if you let them, of course. Go to therapy  - yes, a GOOD therapist (they are few and far between, but they do exist) will help you see beyond your own excuses. Have a ‘personal advisory board’  - (this is for those who need other people's opinions), sensible friends are worth their weight in gold. Use the ‘next week’ technique  - imagine the effects of your decision in the future. Consult experts  - I mean real experts, you don't need to know everything, so you can listen to those who really understand the subject. Read  - about philosophy, neuroscience, psychology... extremely useful, they help a lot to understand your own chaos. Practise critical reading  - read books by authors who have different opinions from yours. This helps to expand your mind and decision-making repertoire. Avoid mental multitasking  - decisions require focus. Study other cases  - learn from the successes (and mistakes) of others, but without becoming paranoid. Other people's experiences are a free MBA, just be careful when choosing which ones to analyse. Accept your mistakes  - they are part of life, just don't use them as an excuse to repeat them. Take a strategic break  - sleep on it before deciding, wait 24 hours. Urgency is the enemy of wisdom. Review your beliefs  - do they still make sense to you? Or are they just useless emotional nonsense? Analyse your habits  - life is made up of repetitions, not isolated moments. However, habits and addictions form in the same place in your brain. Come up with a plan B  - if it goes wrong, what will you do? For some people, having alternatives gives them more confidence to take risks. STOP!   Yes, that's right. Stop. Breathe. Think. Reflect on what you really want, not what you think you should want. Choosing well is not about having all the answers, but about asking the right questions.  Preferring the illusion of control to the discipline of self-knowledge  is not a sin. Therefore, it is necessary to stop being impulsive and emotionally disorganised. We live in a society where we are bombarded by external influences, and yet there are still people who think they are in control.  Want to change that? Start by understanding your patterns. Stop following advice that promises eternal fulfilment and happiness. Accept that you and your life can be much more complex than simply following the technique in a dance video! The idea is to take the first step towards making less stupid decisions. Remember: Even not choosing is a choice, and it will also have consequences. The price of omission is usually higher than that of action. There is no magic formula for making good decisions. What exists are practices and cultivating the habit of thinking, questioning, and taking responsibility. If you are the type of person who thinks that others choose better than you, you are probably only looking at the result and not the process. No one posts the drama of indecision, only the success of the choice. Regret stems from the illusion that there is an ‘ideal choice.’ There isn't. Choosing is a skill like any other, which means it improves with time, reflection, and sincere self-criticism.   And if you've made it this far, congratulations. That was a good choice. So I invite you to continue this journey. Read the other articles   on the blog, comment, criticise, suggest topics and send us your questions. But if you want to dive deeper, visit our UN4RT  website, our backstage of exclusive and free content, for those who don't have sensitive ears and eyes. ‘The illusion crumbles when we question reality’ – UN4RT     Would you like to take a look at the sources, references and inspirations for this article? I thought so. Here you go, they're all there. Jean-Paul Sartre , Huis Clos (No Exit) and  Being and Nothingness. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Barry Schwartz , The Paradox of Choice . Socrates , Apology of Socrates  (written by Plato ). Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra and Beyond Good and Evil. Ross Geller , character from the series ‘ Friends ’ in the episode ‘ The One with the List ’ (Season 2, Episode 4), he makes a list of pros and cons to decide whether to stay with Julie (his current girlfriend) or Rachel (who he has always been in love with).

Have you ever noticed that every time we are about to do something important, something that will help us grow, evolve and develop ourselves, something happens to stop us? It is as if there is a safety lock that paralyses our achievement. This ‘lock’ can take the form of a thought that tells us not to go ahead, or comments/judgements from people close to us, or even feelings that freeze us. It's as if everything around us becomes more important than doing what we want to do... There is not a single human being who has not encountered this ‘force’ that disguises itself as conscience, common sense and maturity. But what we don't know is that it is the echo of the world, disguised as intimate thoughts, and that it is not laziness or indisposition. It is more like a Machiavellian internal mechanism, almost disguised as prudence and perfectionism. We are talking about Resistance, of course, something that seems to have been born from the incestuous union between fear, social conditioning and a nervous system that is tired of taking a beating. Most of the time, we think we are listening to our conscience, when in fact we are listening to the collective voice of everything we have been told not to be.   The Bow Tie Saboteur   Contrary to what many people think, resistance does not come shouting or kicking down doors. No, quite the opposite. It is sneaky, takes off its shoes, tiptoes in and settles down on the sofa of our mind with a sarcastic smile, ready to begin its speech.  The wretch is more articulate than a politician in an election year and more convincing than a pyramid scheme salesman. Resistance is, in its excellence, the most powerful mental algorithm that has learned to keep us in ‘safety and energy-saving mode’.  It is more like a command, programmed like an antivirus in our psyche, which detects any attempt at transcendence and rejects it as if it were a threat. Try writing a book, launching a project, getting out of a failed relationship, starting a diet... voilà , resistance appears.  It is the cunning enemy of artists, creators, entrepreneurs and passionate people, but above all of anyone who dares to want to escape mediocrity. And make no mistake, when we hear the voice of resistance, we are not ‘just being realistic’. No. We are being tamed.   At the Self-Sabotage Buffet, Resistance is the starter dish   Resistance is an ancient and collective force. It reverberates in our minds. An echo of the voices of society that told you you were mediocre, that you were good for nothing, that you were ordinary and unnecessary, stupid and foolish, of those bosses who demanded more and more productivity, but killed your creativity...  Over time, all these voices became so constant that they ended up becoming part of your mental furniture. They became resistance, the kind that loves a sophisticated answer, wears a suit and bow tie, and speaks in a difficult way, sometimes even quoting philosophers.  It's that part of us that loves to procrastinate on projects with the classic excuse: ‘I'm maturing the idea,’ even when the idea itself is already rotten from being so mature... Don't believe me? Here are a few examples: ‘I'm waiting for the right moment.’ (that moment doesn't even exist) ‘I bought another course, it was cheap. This one will help me.’ (anything to postpone the action just a little longer) ‘Oh, but so-and-so already does that better than me...’ (so what?) ‘I don't want to seem selfish or arrogant...’ (so being mediocre is better?) Internal sabotage is a low-intensity vicious cycle. It doesn't kill you quickly, but it sucks the life out of you in homeopathic doses.   The Diagnosis of an Invisible Illness   If you haven't read Steve Pressfield's ‘ The War of Art ,’ you should. Do it before you decide to buy another online course that promises to unlock your productivity and discipline. Steve talks about Resistance as the most insidious force in the creative universe. It's an almost metaphysical thing that acts against any impulse toward evolution, innovation, or authentic expression.  If at any point in your life you have tried to start a business, lose weight or simply change a harmful habit (such as smoking, for example), and somehow you have mysteriously failed... congratulations. You have come face to face with Resistance.  The most perverse thing about this force is that it disguises itself as rationality, using our own arguments against us. Pressfield states: ‘... the more important the project is to our soul, the stronger the resistance  will be...’, ‘... resistance is impersonal, relentless, inexhaustible ...’. It acts like gravity, it doesn't care about our biography, it will simply turn our stumble into a fall.  The interesting thing is that if we recognise its existence and make a daily commitment to our craft (writing, painting, creating, meditating, living with purpose...), we can also overcome it. Not in a heroic and definitive way, but in daily battles.  Pressfield also introduces us to the figure of the Professional, who, unlike the amateur, shows up every day to do the job. The Professional may be afraid, uninspired, have a stomach ache... it doesn't matter. He faces Resistance with discipline and not with cheap motivation.   Fear as Symbolic Capital   But if you're sitting there thinking that Resistance is just an individual issue, both Pressfield and other thinkers would politely disagree with you or even give you a metaphorical slap in the face...  We live in a society that profits from our paralysis. An entire industry is built on our low self-esteem and lack of self-worth. The lucrative machine of spiritual well-being, motivational coaching, and even certain niches of pop psychology exploits precisely the gap left by resistance: that existential hole of ‘I could, but I can't.’ The result? Everyone is spending money on pills that promise to relieve anxiety and give courage, courses on how to find purpose, and meanwhile... society continues to applaud the unfinished effort. Failure, as always, is socially acceptable.   Everyone was already talking about this plague   Although Mr Pressfield christened it Resistance, it is no surprise that various philosophers, thinkers and creators of both sexes who dared to live outside the norm have also fallen victim to this ‘force’. Arthur Schopenhauer , that sad-faced uncle, for example, believed that life was dominated by a blind and irrational will that pushes us towards pain and boredom. In other words, resistance is a natural consequence of our existence. It is a force that, if not properly mastered, will drag us into resignation. On the other hand, Angela Davis spoke of resistance as a political act. She said that the act of resisting is about survival and reinvention, not only personal, but collective. When we decide to face internal resistance, we are saying ‘no’ to the structures that want us to be inert, conformist and silent. The philosopher Søren Kierkegaard once said that the greatest despair is not to be oneself. Resistance acts on this open wound, preventing us from being ourselves, but allowing us to be like everyone else. It does so not because it wants to harm us, but because it is, in fact, the force of inertia disguised as self-preservation — and like all forces of inertia, it will only lose when the force of action overcomes it.   The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud , would call resistance an ‘ego defence mechanism.’ When we are about to face our deepest desires or most intense traumas, our mind always finds a way to sabotage the process.  Jung said that what we fear most is where the greatest treasure of our psyche lies. In other words, what we ignore, resist and don't want is actually exactly where we should be focusing our attention.  Nietzsche spoke extensively about overcoming the ‘common man,’ about killing the ‘herd spirit’ to become the Übermensch  (beyond man/superman). This is not in the fascist sense that some ignorant people interpret, but in order to be beings who create their own values. However, for this to happen, it is necessary to silence the echo of imposed morality.  Simone de Beauvoir , in ‘ The Second Sex ’, spoke of resistance, exposing how women are educated from an early age to be the ‘other’, the supporting actor, the shadow. We are educated to give up, to retreat, to doubt ourselves. She spoke of how much the other defines, limits and shapes us. This resistance is sometimes just a reflection of the gaze of others, tattooed with fire on our foreheads. When we analyse these different views, we perceive a certain air of duality. While some see resistance as imprisonment, others transform it into a tool for liberation. Let's say that it is precisely in the midst of this tension between opposites that we, as modern individuals, find ourselves — between letting ourselves be carried away or becoming masters of our own path. The point is that resistance, like the gods of the Hindu pantheon, has many faces... and to face it, we must recognise them all. To do this, perhaps we should think a little more like Albert Camus , who, when looking at the absurdity of life, did not fall into nihilism, but found his own freedom. Resistance may tell us that it is useless to try, but Camus's answer is: always try and do it anyway.   When the Resistance ‘Wears’ a Familiar Face   You've probably seen the classic film The Matrix . In the film, the antagonist Agent Smith — that man in a dark suit, dark glasses, monotone voice (‘...  Why, Mr. Anderson? Why? Why do you persist?...’ ) and omnipresent presence — is brilliantly played by actor Hugo Weaving. The guy is not just a villain, but the embodiment of the system, resistance in its purest and most aggressive form. What is frightening is not Smith himself, but the fact that anyone can become an agent. It is very easy to remember the scene in which an ordinary, seemingly harmless civilian witnesses a potential threat to the stability of the Matrix  and, in seconds, his body is taken over by the programme. And so, as if by magic, another Smith appears to maintain order.  This is exactly how the resistance operates in the real world. It infiltrates well-meaning friends, overprotective family members, marriages... all to ‘spare us frustration.’ This gives rise to phrases such as: ‘Are you sure...?’, ‘Wouldn't it be better to wait a little longer?’, ‘If I were you, I would...’.  Phrases coated with affection and attention, but steeped in the logic of restraint. People who use these phrases unconsciously become agents of resistance. Of course, they are not bad people, they have just been plugged into a system that considers anyone who dares to dream outside acceptable standards to be dangerous.   Identification of Possible Agents Yes, they are everywhere. Often, we are them — especially on days when we are tired, feeling down, or just going through the motions. The biggest problem is not that these agents/people exist in our lives. The problem is when we listen to them. Below are some tricks that can help you identify an ‘Agent Smith’ who has infiltrated your daily life.  They have a habit of projecting their frustrations onto others  - Everything they didn't have the courage to do, they will try to prevent us from doing. They always appeal to conservative logic  - Stability, security, and not standing out too much. These are the arguments they use. Don't draw attention to yourself, just be one of the crowd. That's how they roll. Many use the word love as a weapon  - ‘I only say that because I care...’ Yeah, right, most people fall for it, because they forget that misinterpreted love imprisons the other person. When we are about to break an internal boundary, they appear  - Coincidence? Definitely not. Resistance always knows when to act. They like to mock discreetly and subtly - unfunny jokes, irony and sarcasm... the target? Your dream. All very well disguised as ‘jokes’. These people don't wear suits, but they are everywhere, even in your mirror. Yes, sometimes Agent Smith lives inside us - and we don't even realise it.   Which Pill Should You Choose?   Neo begins his saga feeling insecure, fragile and doubting everything, including himself. Just like us, when we decide to act against the resistance. Choosing the red pill, deep down, is not about seeing the truth all at once. It is about deciding to see the truth every day, even when it is painful.  Resistance hates questions, movement, improvisation. The system loves and encourages predictability, which is why any creative, bold or counterintuitive action is always seen as a threat.  Every time someone reacts with disdain or fear to what I want, I see Agent Smith's face. I see his sunglasses, his furrowed brow, and his robotic tone of voice. And then I ask myself: Is this the person who will define my life?  This action may seem extreme to some, but remember: the voice of resistance may come from your aunt or with your company's HR signature. Therefore, if we are living according to our truth, we will be out of the Matrix , even if we are still learning to fly.   When the Trigger Becomes a Grenade   We already know that resistance is a master of manipulation, that it doesn't come in through the front door and announce its presence. So it's good to know that it can also creep in through the cracks left by unresolved issues from the past. It rummages through our traumas like an emotional hacker  and, once it finds a trigger, turns any innocent phrase into a war zone.  You know that silly comment someone made that shouldn't have affected us so much, but it makes us explode? Yeah, that's right. It feeds on what we haven't healed, what we sweep under the Persian rug of our minds. It doesn't matter if it was rejection in childhood or abuse disguised as a joke, a comparison made between siblings, or even the silence after the first heartbreak can serve as ammunition. Resistance will recycle our traumas and blockages, putting them in the mouths of others. And those others are often the closest, dearest, and most intimate people in our lives.  So don't be fooled. It won't be the internet haters who will prevent you from growing the most. It will be those we love. Not out of malice! But because these people are often afraid, afraid of losing us, afraid that we will change and leave them behind... Thus, our triggers end up becoming real emotional grenades.  A simple phrase like ‘You've been different lately...’ can turn into a ridiculous argument. All this for what? Because it touches that spot where we still bleed. That trauma of not feeling accepted, of being rejected and judged... and that's what resistance loves most.  This cycle of sabotage happens silently, and what's more, it's socially accepted. We start to mould ourselves so as not to ‘bother’ others, to avoid ‘conflict’, to not ‘upset’ anyone and to keep things ‘peaceful’. But guess what? That peace becomes the grave where our evolution and growth rest in eternal peace.   What weakens the Resistance   As long as we allow our past to dictate our present, resistance will survive. And this isn't cheap motivational talk, it's just biology. Our brain reacts to triggers with the same level of threat as an armed robbery. It paralyses us and makes us react like a frightened child rather than a conscious adult. Because of this, healing is no longer a luxury, it's a war strategy. Every trauma we recognise, name and process becomes a piece of ammunition we take from the hands of resistance. Every difficult conversation we face with vulnerability becomes armour we build for ourselves. We shouldn't wait for others to change so we can free ourselves. The initiative for change begins with us. We change so that others reveal their true intentions. Will some of our relationships end? Yes, but only those that worked based on our limited version of reality. Because if there's one thing the resistance hates, it's when we heal. When we heal, we start to act differently. We start to respond with clarity where there was once anger. We start to say ‘no’ where there was once only silence. We start to believe more and say ‘yes’ to ourselves, and that, my friends, is the greatest affront we can make to the system.   The smaller the target, the harder it is to hit   Imagine your ego as a target, with a red circle in the centre. The bigger the target, the easier it is for anyone – whether a friend, relative or stranger – to hit it squarely with criticism, subtle contempt, judgements and biased looks.   Now imagine that target shrinks significantly. Let's say it shrinks until it fits in our pocket. It becomes much harder to hit, doesn't it? That's right. That's my idea of a healthy ego. Small, centred and firm. It is invisible when it needs to be and present when necessary. Resistance will always want to inflate our ego. The bigger, the better, because a big, pompous ego is always much easier to hurt — and the more hurt it is, the more vulnerable the person will be to self-sabotage.   The Universal Victim Syndrome   When we take everything too seriously, everything becomes an attack. A differing opinion becomes an offence. Constructive criticism becomes disrespect. Furthermore, any form of disagreement will be seen as a direct threat to our identity. The disproportionate ego, the one that needs approval, recognition and external validation, is the target that resistance likes best. It whispers in the ear of the inflamed ego: ‘You are too special to fail...’ When deep down, it would like to say: ‘You must not risk anything at all, because you cannot bear to fail.’ The old trick of false pride, which disguises itself as self-esteem. But, as paradoxical as it may seem, when we manage to diminish our ego, that is when we grow inside. The less space our ego takes up, the more room we have to try without fear of looking ridiculous. Nietzsche loved paradoxes and said that ‘... you must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star...’ This becomes possible when we deflate our ego to the point where we can move with greater freedom. An inflated ego is like an invisible prison; we are always more concerned with what we appear to be than with what we really are. Resistance works hard to make us take offence, to make us retaliate, to make us fight... all in the name of defending something that does not need defending. It always wants to keep our ego as an easy target, prominent, exposed, needy and emotionally dependent on the opinions of others.   Some ways to face Resistance, educate the Ego, and grow as a human being   Call a spade a spade  – identify the voice of resistance, personalise it if you want, use a phrase like ‘Get out on the field, princess’ ( Spring ins Feld, Prinzessin !). Be ridiculous sometimes  – do it on purpose, tell bad jokes, wear tacky clothes, dance and sing in public. This destabilises vanity. Set micro-goals  - they can be absurdly small, it doesn't matter. The idea is to get you to the next step. Apologise first  - regardless of whether you are right or wrong, apologise. This helps to educate pride. Write to the resistance  - write a letter, talk to it as if it were a toxic ex-boyfriend. Listen to criticism without arguing  - write it down, analyse it and maybe learn something from it. Question your excuses as if you were Sherlock Holmes  - investigate the excuses you love to give yourself and others, then ask yourself why you use them. Talk less about yourself  — in conversations, take a genuine interest in others, otherwise don't talk to anyone. The ego always kicks up a fuss with this one, ignore it. Visit your ‘cave of fear’ once a week  — yes, analyse and question your fears. Know exactly why you still carry them. Quote your favourite thinkers  - Use quotes like a weapon. ‘ Nietzsche said: become who you are, then shut up, resistance.’ Leave Plato's cave immediately  - if you feel pain when you consciously face the light of day, then congratulations, you have left the cave. Embrace doubt as a philosophy  — the ego loves certainty, and so does resistance. We evolve through questions, so use that to your advantage, not against you. Come back tomorrow  — didn't work out today? No problem, tomorrow you have another chance. Resistance hates persistence.   The Resistance does not want us dead, it wants us neutralised   To be clear. Resistance does not want us to give up, it just wants us to become harmless, mediocre, silent, predictable... In short, it wants us to continue existing without truly living. It wants to see us posting motivational stories while avoiding real confrontation. It wants to watch us read about spirituality without ever meditating or applying what we have just read. It wants us to say, forever, ‘one day I will...’ until our last breath. The resistance will always adapt, evolve, and sometimes even appear to be an ally, but what it really wants is for us to remain in comfortable existential limbo, that place between action and potential. The idea is that we continue to be emotional zombies who look like successful people. And the only way out of this mess is conscious confrontation. That's when we develop the emotional courage to take a stand in front of life and others. Not as martyrs, but as individuals who have finally understood that living is a creative act.  Resistance is the voice of a system that is also inside you, trying to keep you exactly where you are. Don't listen to it anymore. Do something. Get started. If you make a mistake, that's okay, laugh. If it hurts, take care of yourself. But don't stop, not anymore! Well, if you enjoyed this article, keep exploring the others here on the blog. Interact, leave your comments, criticism, suggestions, questions, stories... do something! And, of course, recommend this blog to anyone who needs to hear irony with affection. Oh, if you're the type who likes more underground, raw and unfiltered content, visit the UN4RT  website - our free backstage, but reserved only for the most demanding, restless and free minds.   PS : Some final information worth mentioning. Resistance is not always negative; it can signal important areas of life where there is fear, unresolved trauma, unconscious blocks... Facing it always leads to personal growth. To find out if you are acting for yourself or under the influence of resistance, ask yourself: ‘Am I avoiding this out of fear or by conscious choice?’ The answer will be very clear if you are honest with yourself. People close to you can often reinforce resistance out of unconscious protection, fear of loss, or simply because they are also dominated by their own resistance. Therapy, when facilitated by a good professional, helps to identify patterns, restore emotional autonomy and dismantle the invisible mechanisms of self-sabotage. All of this effectively helps to combat resistance. It is not possible to live without resistance. It is omnipresent and will always exist. The difference is that when we act consciously, we make it smaller and weaker. But for this, we need to be in motion, in creation and, above all, in the present moment.     ‘The illusion crumbles when we question reality’ – UN4RT     Grab those sources, references, and inspirations. Good luck!     Steve Pressfield , The War of Art. Arthur Schopenhauer , The World as Will and Representation. Angela Davis , Freedom is a Constant Struggle . Søren Kierkegaard , The Sickness unto Death . Sigmund Freud , Inhibitions, Symptoms and Anxiety , The History of Psychoanalytic Movement  and Introductory Lectures on Psychoanalysis . Carl Gustav Jung , Aion: Researches Into the Phenomenology of the Self . Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra  and Ecce Homo . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Albert Camus , The Myth of Sisyphus. The Matrix , A science fiction film released in 1999, written and directed by sisters Lana and Lilly Wachowski. It is considered a landmark film for its philosophical depth, innovative visual style, and for popularising the concept of ‘simulated reality’. Agent Smith , is an artificial intelligence programme created by the machines within the Matrix. Its original function is to maintain order and eliminate threats to the system, such as Neo and the awakened humans. It is a kind of ‘system antibody’ that acts against anything that tries to disrupt the status quo . “… Why, Mr. Anderson?. Why?, Why do you persist?...” , This phrase occurs at the climax of the third film in the Matrix  franchise, The Matrix Revolutions  (2003), during the final battle between Neo and Agent Smith in a rainy, apocalyptic version of the Matrix . Smith, already corrupted into an uncontrollable and cynical virus, questions this to Neo in a tone of contempt and incomprehension. Hugo Weaving , He is a renowned Australian actor, born in Nigeria. He is known for his striking presence and voice and for playing iconic characters such as: Agent Smith in The Matrix trilogy (1999–2003), Elrond in The Lord of the Rings trilogy (2001–2003) and The Hobbit trilogy (2012), V (voice and body) in the film V for Vendetta (2005), and Red Skull in the film Captain America: The First Avenger (2011). The First Avenger (2011). Neo , The protagonist of the film series The Matrix , played by Keanu Reeves. His real name in the real world is Thomas A. Anderson, a software programmer who lives a double life as a hacker   with the code name Neo . He represents the ‘chosen one’ — a messianic figure destined to free humanity from the illusion of the Matrix, a simulated world created by machines to keep humans under control. Spring ins Feld, Prinzessin! , It is a German saying that basically means ‘Go out into the world, princess!’, a call to leave the safety of your comfort zone and face the real world. This phrase is often used here at home by the other UN4RT . Sherlock Holmes , A fictional character created by British writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle  in 1887. He is considered the most famous detective in literature and an icon of Western culture, known for his sharp intellect, relentless logic, and ability to solve complex crimes based on the art of deduction.

If you are here, you have probably already realised (or suspect) that being silly is not a very pleasant thing. This undesirable trait may seem like a humorous and somewhat pejorative term, but in reality it is a problem of everyday philosophy and has existential implications.   If Freud were still alive, he might point out that part of this concept stems from an ‘emotional populism’ with origins in childhood attachment patterns. This means that all our foolishness could be an unresolved issue from our past.   But, as the father of psychoanalysis has been six feet under for quite some time now — and I am not a psychoanalyst — let's say that ceasing to be foolish involves being aware that someone is making us foolish and that we are encouraging this behaviour.   It would be nice to stop this pattern, which only exists because, at some point—and regardless of the reasons—we lowered our values in favour of a false need for emotional crumbs and approval.    What does it mean be a fool?   To put it bluntly, being foolish is allowing other people to take advantage of our kindness, naivety or lack of boundaries. It is when we are that person who always gives too much of themselves, who is always ready to help/listen to everything and everyone, who puts their own resolutions and problems aside to provide brotherly support.   Most of the time, fools receive no recognition or reciprocity. After they provide support, information, money, etc., they are left with only the sound of silence from the other person.   I don't know what you think about this, but I know that there would be no need for each of us to have an average of 86 billion neurons to understand that this is not such a great thing to experience. Even a flatworm, if it had emotions, would not like it very much.   And the most interesting thing is that only a fool is capable of changing this condition. He is 100% responsible for what he allows others to do to him.   The Philosophy of Foolishness    If ‘being made a fool’ existed as a branch of philosophy, it would certainly be centred on the concept that:   ‘Foolishness reflects the attitude of a naive person who is overly confident and almost completely lacking in perception when faced with situations in which they may be harmed and/or deceived.’   Unlike stupid behaviour, foolishness occurs within the emotional and relational dimensions. Its basic principles are:   Extreme trust : Fools deeply believe in the goodness and honesty of people, even when faced with evidence to the contrary. Persistence in error : The fool ends up repeating the same mistakes because they firmly believe in giving second chances, precisely because they believe in the redemption of certain situations. Conscious naivety : Although the fool is repeatedly deceived, they remain faithful to the principle of good faith. They do not do so out of stupidity, but rather out of personal ethics and an unconscious resistance to the cynicism of others.   With knowledge of the concepts and principles of philosophical foolishness, we realise the fundamental questions below:   Would it be possible to live without being foolish? Or is foolishness an inevitable characteristic of the human race?   Could foolishness be considered an ethical virtue? For, in a way, it reveals emotional openness, vulnerability and trust, qualities that are highly valued by some philosophical traditions.   Is foolishness a choice or an existential condition? To Be Foolish or Not to Be, That Is the Question…    Nietzsche , our favourite moustachioed philosopher, would say that foolishness is a mortal sin against oneself. The fool is not only being made a fool of by others, he is, above all, denying his own individuality - and dignity. He would shout in the fool's ears: ‘Become who you are!’ Precisely to remind him that, first of all, the fool needs to discover who he really is not. Kierkegaard might call this ‘an unresolved existential choice.’ In other words, the fool prefers to please others rather than honour his own essence. Simone de Beauvoir would look at the fool with pity and teach him about the importance of autonomy and legitimate empowerment.   The serious-faced uncle, Arthur Schopenhauer , would emphasise that ‘expectations are the root of all suffering.’ The fool tends to believe so much in the good intentions of others that he begins to harbour illusions, often unconscious, that lead him to suffer painful disappointments. The old tale of naive optimism that makes the ‘excited fool’ easy prey for opportunists.   Now, let us imagine a scenario in which a hypothetical debate takes place, the theme of which is the fundamental questions of the philosophy of foolishness. We will adopt a dialectical approach here, using two fictional characters who recognise the presence of paradoxes and ambiguous values in the philosophical line in question.   On one side, we have the philosopher Arthémisia II of Delphi, founding master of the Order of Delphaia.   On the other side, we have Erixane of Halicarnassus, regent philosopher of the Hýlaxica School. Question 1: Would it be possible to live without being foolish?   Arthemísia - Yes. Life requires discernment, trusting all individuals, regardless of who they are. This is not a moral failing, but we must also stick to our experiences and learn from them. Constantly and indefinitely repeating the same mistakes is not a virtue, but recklessness. The world requires individuals to have a healthy dose of scepticism. And the development of reason and emotional intelligence are part of the maturation of any human being.   Erixane - No. Every individual is or will be foolish at some point in their life. In human relationships, vulnerability is inevitable. All forms of trust always involve risk. Thus, foolishness occurs as a kind of openness to others. Feelings and actions such as love and help are ways in which we expose ourselves to the possibility of being deceived. If there were no form of foolishness, life would be nothing more than an isolated and sad act, like an emotional prison.   Question 2 : Could foolishness be considered an ethical virtue?   Arthemísia - No. The exercise of ethical virtue requires balance. There must be harmony between trust and prudence. Any form of kindness that insists on not learning is nothing more than collusion. Ethics that ignore context and repeated mistakes can end up becoming immoral, precisely because of their omission.   Erixane - Yes. When understood as a form of good faith towards others, foolishness becomes an act of radical love. We could say that foolish people should be seen as individuals who protest against the coldness of current relationships. Therefore, the emotional courage that these individuals have in not giving up on others should not be seen as a sign of weakness.   Question 3 : Is foolishness a choice or an existential condition?   Arthemísia - Deception is part of the human experience, especially when we talk about emotional relationships, regardless of whether they are romantic, fraternal or familial. Foolishness is not just a decision, it is an inevitable consequence that stems from the deep need that human beings have to belong, to give of themselves and to connect with others.   Erixane - Everyone chooses to trust, love or forgive, regardless of whether they have been hurt or not. In this way, the act of being foolish is given moral agency. For there are those who are fully aware of their own foolishness and therefore choose to assume this ‘position’ in an ethical manner.   The Third View   This is not a conclusion to this imaginary debate, but rather an addendum.   This business of imprisoning ‘foolishness’ in fixed categories may be a mistake. Speaking from experience, obviously, ‘being foolish’ is not a virtue to be embraced, much less a weakness to be overcome.   We must not forget that trust, error, and vulnerability coexist in the real flow of human existence. The polarisation demonstrated by the fictional debate between Arthemísia and Erixane was a playful way I found to demonstrate how we have become accustomed to ‘having to choose’ one side.   The vast majority of people, when faced with situations of debate, tend, even if unconsciously, to choose the opinion that most closely matches their beliefs. As a result, they may fail to consider the other view, even if it is more coherent. This is called confirmation bias.   Therefore, it would be interesting to reflect on the following information: life constantly confronts us with the desire to trust and the sense of self-protection. There will be times when foolishness is a conscious choice, while at other times it will simply be the result of an illusion, even if unintentional. And curiously, these moments of foolishness and not bringing are part of the whole complex cluster of our human condition.   The maxims: ‘For every choice, there is a sacrifice.’ and ‘We are winning and losing with every decision we make.’ They can be used for reflection and even taken into account when making decisions. We often live to minimise our mistakes, but even so, this does not prevent them from happening. Trusting, being sincere and believing in people is optional, even if they are important conditions in any meaningful relationship.   While an attitude can be heroic — insisting on a friendship because of the past, for example — it can also be self-destructive. Ethics and virtue, therefore, are not about being or not being a sucker, but about knowing how to recognise when our kindness is building us up and when it is draining us. Empathy is necessary, yes, but so are lucidity and good sense.   Choices and conditions are not opposites, they are layers. Foolishness may be partly a matter of the human condition, because we all know what it is to trust and believe in those we shouldn't. But what we do with that experience is, in fact, a choice that is ours alone.   We can become cynical and ‘use’ the other side as much as they use us, we can continue to bet on the other in a more conscious way, we can simply walk away... the possibilities are many. But none of them should be chosen for the sake of the other, but rather for ourselves. Because, contrary to what many say, this is not selfishness, it is freedom of choice.   In short, the fictional Philosophy of Stupidity, in its essence, does not defend stupidity or glorify naivety. It invites us to enter the neutral zone, the middle path. Where vulnerability meets wisdom, where mistakes give rise to growth, and where being foolish is sometimes just a misnomer for those who insist on trusting those who do not know or have forgotten how to respect.   The dignity of foolishness dwells in this harmony. It is neither destiny nor a banner. It is just part of the journey.   The Neutral Zone   Now, faced with this reflection and a possible broader and more compassionate understanding of foolishness, we can see that the goal does not necessarily have to be to banish this experience from our lives. Perhaps it would be more interesting to cultivate awareness and self-questioning so that we can identify when it is happening and thus act more wisely.   After all, there is a big gap between trusting and losing oneself. And in order to fill that gap with self-knowledge , a sense of limits and intuition, some practices can be useful.     Recognise repetitive patterns   Sartre said, ‘...we exist first, then we define ourselves...’ So, if we only recognise our value after someone uses us, something is wrong. If you feel like you are always repeating the same situations — helping too much (even when you are not asked), forgiving beyond limits, giving everything and then being left aside — this is not just a coincidence, it is a pattern.   Observe yourself honestly (and, if possible, without judging yourself), foolishness lies in repetition that does not want to become learning.   Set Clear Boundaries Learning to say ‘no’ is the new ‘I love myself’. It won't do any good just to know what you deserve, you have to practise, and that's where ‘no’ comes in. Fools will always try to bend their own boundaries out of fear of conflict, loss or rejection, to play the good Samaritan, to please others... The cliché ‘Life is too short to please everyone’ exemplifies this very well.   Balance between giving and receiving The fool's heart suffers from emotional imbalance; they give more than they receive. Therefore, when only one side is investing, only one side is wearing themselves out. Generosity is wonderful, but it is interesting that it is reciprocal, even if in completely different ways.   Value your time more In the age of social media, time has become gold. It is a valuable resource, so don't waste it waiting for gratitude or on those who don't deserve it. Do what you believe is right without expecting emotional returns.   Listen to and trust your  intuition   Fools always sense trouble coming, but emotional attachment always ends up silencing instinct. Our intuition is subtle and makes us uncomfortable, but it is accurate. It is like a dog: the owner may be miles away, but the dog always knows he is on his way.   Cultivate yourself before others   No philosophy or practice surpasses the value of genuinely loving yourself. If you don't know what that is, then learn! Every human being seeks happiness, but the root of it all has to do with knowing, loving and respecting yourself. Knowing what and who is good for you determines how much you will allow yourself to be walked over. In other words, if you treat yourself badly, you are automatically allowing others to do the same.   Debunk the Myth of the Saviour of the Nation Providing support is very different from being a crutch. Nietzsche would say that all idealism is a way of hiding frustrations. So, if you're playing the superhero, ask yourself the following: ‘What would I like to save myself from?’ Or ‘What is all this redemption for?’ Every excess hides a lack.   Build your emotional autonomy We don't need constant approval or advice from others for every decision we make. Clarice Lispector once said: ‘Freedom is not enough. What I want still has no name.’   And remember, there are people out there who are living proof that evolution is not mandatory. So don't be a pile of empty words when arguing with someone who has already lost their mind before even opening their mouth.   We can also be the ones who light up the room when we leave it. After all, not all spaces need our presence.   If you enjoyed this article, leave your comments, suggestions, complaints, whatever. Feel free. And don't forget to recommend the blog to those who are openly foolish. Oh, and if you enjoy more exclusive, unfiltered content tailored to sharper minds, visit the UN4RT  website — our free backstage, reserved only for the most daring.   “The illusion crumbles when we question reality” - UN4RT       Here are the sources and references. Enjoy without moderation.     Personal experience : I was a for a long time, so I know all the nuances of what that means. I learned a lot from my experiences, but today, I no longer follow that philosophy. Sigmund Freud , Civilisation and Its Discontents. Friedrich Nietzsch e , Thus Spoke Zarathustra  and Beyond Good and Evil . Søren Kierkegaard , The Concept of Anxiety . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Arthur Schopenhauer , The World as Will and Representation. Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness. Clarice Lispector , Near to the Wild Heart.

If you are the type of person who thinks that guilt is something serious, a weight on your conscience or even divine punishment, then get ready. In this short article, we are going to deconstruct this muse of sleepless nights, because, let's face it, if guilt were money, many of us would be rich - or even worse, many would choose to spend that fortune on the art of transfer.   But what is guilt, anyway? Everyone knows this beast, which is often the protagonist of life's best and worst dramas. For some, it is a companion that surrounds decisions, stumbles and everyday misadventures. For others, it is an extremely flexible invention, so much so that it can be used as a mask to be worn or removed at will. We all know that it can be as capricious as a poet's imagination. So, without further ado, I would say that guilt is a feeling that lives on the border between the real and the imaginary. It inhabits the “grey area” of our minds, the same place where information that is “on the tip of our tongues” resides and which we often cannot verbalise. It arises in those moments when we believe we have made a mistake, that we have done something that displeased someone else or ourselves. The thing is, guilt is a very complex concept, a mixture of moral, social and even biological feelings. But before we begin, let's refresh our memory by remembering the meaning of this word:   Fault  - Responsibility for something reprehensible or harmful caused to another person. Now, let's take a closer look at this topic. Responsibility & Guilt - Distant relatives or Siamese twins?   Let's use something that has happened to almost everyone as an example. Being fired. Was it our fault? Maybe. Was it the boss's fault? Perhaps, or probably. Was it the economic crisis? Definitely. Blame always works like a play of light and shadow in an expressionist painting: depending on the angle you look at it, it changes. And it is precisely because of these different angles that many people insist on confusing blame with responsibility, and vice versa. It seems that people love to lump everything together. Blame and responsibility. Thinking and having thoughts. These different concepts love and hate each other, all at the same time. Speaking of responsibility, it is something that drives us forward. It is through responsibility that we become aware of the consequences of our actions while looking to the future. Guilt, on the other hand, is more like a cage, trapping us in the past and condemning us to relive our mistakes in an endless looping.   A good example of this would be the view of the strict moralist, Immanuel Kant , who spoke a lot about duty and morality. For him, responsibility is the duty to act according to reason and morality. In this context, guilt would be the weight we feel when we fail to fulfil our duty.   Note that this weight we feel is more related to our perception than to objective reality. But that doesn't mean we should become masters at blaming everyone for everything — even if most people do. The idea here is to reflect on how guilt can be manipulated, used as a sword, a shield, or even a mirror for recognising flaws, but in a more conscious way.   Because when we gain knowledge and control over guilt, it loses its power to torment us, and we realise how much we use ‘it's his/her fault’ as a defence mechanism. Often, without realising it, this act has become a vicious cycle that does not help our development but encourages us to delegate responsibility for our own lives to others.   The Push-and-Pull Game   We still find it difficult to admit that blame has become a national sport, where regardless of the environment or context, the art of pointing fingers is always easier and more practical than taking responsibility for one's own mistakes. This is because blame has been widely used as a bargaining chip for centuries. The reasons are diverse, whether for manipulation, domination or even to overcome some, while others - the real culprits - escape unscathed from the consequences of their actions.   Machiavelli  already explained in his work ‘ The Prince ’ that power is maintained, in most cases, through the art of manipulation, so there is nothing better than ‘blaming’ something or someone in order to maintain control. We live in a world where admitting one's mistakes can mean the loss of status, employment or even affection. Therefore, it is not surprising that taking responsibility does not become a trend. The Duel of Minds   As we delve into the spiral of unambiguous concepts of guilt, we encounter a fascinating range of interpretations. Different philosophical, religious and psychological schools of thought approach this topic from perspectives that are often conflicting and sometimes complementary.   We will start with Socrates , the guy who said he knew nothing (‘ I know that I know nothing ’), but at the same time kept repeating that people needed to know themselves (‘ Know thyself ’). For him, self-knowledge was essential. It was the basis for living well and not something optional, as many people think today. His view is very straightforward: if individuals know themselves, they do not need to feel guilty about their actions. Well, before we decide to throw this whole story into the common grave of self-indulgence, it is worth remembering Sartre . Yes, the Frenchman with the glasses and the big mind would not let us forget that ‘We are condemned to be free...’. In existentialism, guilt is an inevitable condition that is linked to freedom. And this freedom, in turn, goes hand in hand with responsibility. The choice is always ours, which is why it often comes with the weight of regret and remorse.   Translated into English, this means that guilt can be just a haunting created by our own conscience, which, badly and poorly, tries to control our choices. It would be just a sign that we are truly alive and not a punishment to be avoided at all costs.   Still within existentialism, Simone de Beauvoir  spoke of guilt as a natural reaction of the conscience that should not be ignored, but rather confronted and used as fuel for true authenticity and freedom. This more balanced approach tells us to face guilt as a burden that we do not need to carry forever; we should simply let it go and move on. From a traditional Christian perspective, this idea could sound like heresy. Guilt plays a central role here, being seen as the recognition of sin that requires penance. This concept has shaped Western culture for centuries and gave rise to the concept of paralysing and oppressive guilt that we know today.   Nietzsche  comes in strong, saying that guilt is something created by the weak to subjugate the strong. This whole story is nothing more than a power game between what we call ‘slave morality’ and ‘master morality.’ He did not agree with Christian guilt and saw it as a form of repressive mental slavery that prevents individuals from expressing their ‘will to power’ — the desire of every human being, the ‘beyond man’ ( Übermensch ), the one who breaks the internal and external bonds and becomes who he really is.   To quote our friend Kant  again. He saw it all in a more ‘normal’ way, guilt was in the light of responsibility and duty, that is, if we do not do what we should, the feeling of guilt will whip us mercilessly.   Psychoanalysis, on the other hand, talks about subtle layers. Both Freud , the father of psychoanalysis, and Lacan  sweep guilt under the rug of our unconscious. They say that guilt emerges from internal conflicts, often unconscious, that drive us to act in search of psychic balance. In this view, guilt is both a symptom and a solution.   Meanwhile, in the peaceful temples of Buddhism, guilt is treated in a more uplifting way. Buddhists see guilt as a feeling to be understood, accepted and overcome so that suffering may cease. There is no divine punishment, only learning and liberation.   All well and good, but really... these contrasts make us reflect on how we view real guilt and invented guilt. Yes, there is also the kind of guilt that we imagine and go around distributing to others. How do these views shape our decisions and our way of life? What if we started using guilt - and responsibility - as a tool instead of a prison? The choice is ours.   The Supreme Court of the Collective Michel Foucault , the master of power relations analysis, draws our attention to how society uses social control to maintain its own interests, and guilt is a highly effective tool for perpetuating this control.   When we talk about witch hunts or the Inquisition trials, we remember the ‘angry mobs,’ crowds of people who were often driven only by collective guilt or fear of others and even of the unknown, deciding who should pay for social ‘sins.’   In the modern world, collective guilt appears very clearly on social media, where ‘cancelling’ has become the ultimate embodiment of ‘collective guilt’ and the unbridled transfer of responsibility. Guilt has always been a spectacle, where the public - the masses - are the jury and the executioner, all with a dramatic touch, because who doesn't love a little theatre in the name of justice, right? Not all blame levelled on social media is true, just as not all criticism is unfair. But how can we identify this when we lack critical thinking skills – because we have not learned to develop them – and when digital sanity is almost non-existent?   The Monster in the Attic   When guilt ceases to be something external and settles within us, it becomes a shadow that follows us every step of the way. This internalised guilt has corrosive effects, affecting our self-esteem, our decision-making ability and even our mental health. Carl Gustav Jung  brought these repressed feelings to light with his concept of the ‘shadow’ - the rejected and repressed parts of ourselves. The accumulation of guilt is often part of this shadow that we do not want to face. Ignoring or denying this guilt and the shadow itself does not make them disappear; on the contrary, they become even stronger. The more we try to escape guilt, the more we become attached to it.   This is precisely why recognising emotions and working through them in order to understand them is so important. After all, guilt is not divine punishment, but a complex emotional reaction that deserves our full attention and care. Freedom may lie in accepting guilt as part of life's premium package, but without letting it define us.   Playing ‘Master of Your Own Destiny’   We already know that guilt is something we can control, but to transform a tormenting feeling into an ally, we need time and practice. With that in mind, here are some suggestions. Practice self-awareness Yes. Learn to recognise and reframe your emotions, understand where they come from, question them. Identify patterns and beliefs, change them if necessary. This is the kind of work that no one can do for you. We don't control everything The only things we really have control over are our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Guilt often comes from the desire to control the uncontrollable, such as other people's attitudes, for example. Learn to separate the wheat from the chaff Question yourself and learn to recognise real guilt and discard invented guilt. Not all guilt is actually yours. Therefore, be brutally honest with yourself and separate legitimate responsibility from what is just a projection or excuse for not acting — always according to the situation. Don't drown When you recognise real guilt, try not to drown in it. Looking at how you feel is essential, don't ignore it, BUT don't dwell on it. Treat yourself as you would treat a loved one.   No one is perfect A cliché phrase that means no one gets through life without making mistakes. You are the one who defines your mistakes, and when we accept that they will happen, we allow ourselves to be imperfect and automatically take a giant step towards freedom of being. So, if making mistakes is part of the show, forgive yourself. Seek help if necessary Therapy isn't just for ‘crazy people.’ It's 2025. Wake up! Most people suffer in silence, so it's no wonder that anxiety and depression rates have never been higher. Therapy and talking to someone who understands are your allies. Help yourself. Develop emotional intelligence and learn to say ‘no’ Set boundaries; other people's guilt doesn't have to become yours. If you are the type of person who is a ‘sponge’ — who absorbs other people's issues — it's time to learn that this does not mean empathy. Know the origin of things Where or from whom is the guilt you are feeling coming from? Ask yourself. Are you blaming someone else or yourself for something real or imaginary?   No looping Learn from your mistakes, i.e., don't repeat them. See them as a learning experience, not a sentence. Not everything reported by the status quo makes sense Develop your critical awareness, question norms and standards that make you feel guilty for no reason. Study, research, the world is full of imposed social guilt.   Recognise yourself before expecting others to do so Feelings of guilt and shame tend to mask recognition of the good things we have done. It is up to us to value ourselves honestly so that we do not have absolutist thoughts. No one is 100% good or bad. Be present in your life. Stop dwelling on yesterday or tomorrow. Those who take control of their own guilt take control of their own lives. It's Our Fault, and We're in Control   We dare to say that guilt is a complex, malleable, multifaceted and almost inevitable human invention. But like all feelings, we can also learn to manage and redirect it. It is not a sentence or an eternal burden. Not everything that happens around us is our fault, but it is our responsibility. Yes, the choice of how to act is always ours. We can choose to drown in guilt or surf it, and the best ways to do this are by recognising it, questioning it and transforming it into learning.   Continue exploring ‘outside the box’ ideas here on the blog. Interact if you want, comment, complain, suggest topics, question... feel free but be responsible. And for those who don't have sensitive eyes and minds, just visit our backstage   UN4RT , a free space reserved for those who are truly demanding in their knowledge and critical thinking.     “The illusion crumbles when we question reality” - UN4RT       And for the smart questioners, the sources, references, and inspirations are there.   Personal experience : I have blamed others and been blamed many times. Some of these accusations were real, while others were completely imaginary. I have suffered because of them, especially the illusory ones. I have done many things I am not proud of, but regret is a word that does not exist in my vocabulary. Every lesson, every mistake, every fault served its purpose. I learned and did not repeat them. Life happens in the present, just as it is in the present that blame can be reinterpreted. Immanuel Kant ,   Groundwork of the Metaphysics of Morals. Niccolo Machiavelli , The Prince . Socrates , The Apology of Socrates  (written by Plato ) and Maxim of Delphi . Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Friedrich Nietzsche , Beyond Good and Evil  and The Genealogy of Morals . Sigmund Freud , Civilization and its Discontents. Jacques Lacan , First Writings . Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish . Carl Gustav Jung , Man and his Symbols . Albert Camus , The Myth of Sisyphus . Zygmunt Bauman , Liquid Modernity and Beyond .

Who has never felt an uncontrollable urge to tell someone to kindly take a seat on the back of their own head?   Life presents us with such incredible situations that sometimes it feels like we're participating in a bad stand-up comedy show. With that in mind, let's talk about the art of offending without offending. But since ‘kicking with class’ is a sport that few practise, here we'll talk a little more about it so you can learn the basics and maybe even test your skills at the next family gathering.   NVC - Nonviolent Communication: Origins and Fundamentals   NVC will provide us with the opportunity to express our frustrations in an aristocratic manner with touches of philosophical irony.   It was created by Marshall Rosenberg back in 1960. The practice was born from the studies of Carl Rogers, the humanistic psychologist who analysed how excessive judgement and criticism lead to conflict. Rosenberg believed that human beings can learn to express themselves without sounding like a rhino with an identity crisis.   Let's say that NVC has traces of Aristotle , who valued the art of empathetic rhetoric, and Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. , the great transformers who, with their peaceful speeches and non-violent struggles, demonstrated how the power of words can change the world. Mr. Rosenberg also drew inspiration from Jean-Paul Sartre , who emphasised individual responsibility in choosing one's own words and actions.   In summary, NVC provides us with: The ability to express what we are feeling, without simply reacting like an irrational animal and free from accusations, judgements or drama typical of Mexican soap operas. The best thing is that this gives us the possibility of getting what we need, but without having to enter into a cold war with someone. It's as simple as losing weight by eating bread and eggs.   Why do we need to be polite when telling someone to make good use of their posterior muscle ring?   You may even be wondering why you should use politeness to say something so humorous. The answer is very simple: out of self-respect and for greater effectiveness. When an insult is accompanied by politeness, it passes through other people's defences more easily, without causing a direct shock to the wall of resentment. It would be like throwing a dart with a velvet tip; it may hurt the ego, but it does not tear the fabric of social interaction. Every swear word, even the most trivial ones, carries energy. And if you are the type of person who thinks this is all nonsense, look for ‘ The Hidden Messages in Water ’, a book and film in which Dr Masaru Emoto  shows the results of his research using magnetic resonance imaging. If you do some serious research, even just a little, you will realise how silly your thoughts on the subject may be. It is the year 2025, the age of technology and information. It was to be expected that, at this point, we would know that ignoring our feelings is like trying to grill steak without fire, i.e., it doesn't work. Giving voice to what we feel, even if it is our frustration or anger, is important, otherwise all the tension can turn into an ulcer or even something worse, as studies in psychosomatics show. But that doesn't mean we have to go around lashing out at half the world, and that's where NVC comes in.   Why do we continue to be rude when we know there are other ways to deal with situations/people?   Once again, the answer is simple: Because exploding is much quicker than explaining yourself coherently; Because many of us do not seek to know ourselves so that we can understand our emotional triggers; Because we still think that whoever speaks the loudest wins; Because no one taught us how to disagree with someone without sounding like a comic book villain; Oh, and let's not forget laziness;   Most people don't even know that it's possible to express themselves, set boundaries, maintain their dignity and sanity without shouting and blocking everyone. This may seem funny, but many of the stereotypical media narratives encourage reactive behaviour. We are beings who learn through repetition, and it doesn't matter whether this repetition involves constructive or destructive patterns. Everything becomes a habit. Our minds do not differentiate between limiting and expansive beliefs unless we consciously do so.   The Use of Irony   For those who are already familiar with NVC in its classic form, the idea of using irony may even sound like heresy. But, thinking about it, let's take the example of Simone de Beauvoir . This sharp-minded lady deconstructed the ideas of patriarchy with cutting elegance and behaviour worthy of a true sage.   Those who have read her work ‘ The Second Sex ’ have noticed this characteristic. Her writing is a true intellectual investigation that conveys a form of knowledge that questions our existence, our view of freedom and ethics. In short, it is a work that has its own rigour, irony and transformative essence. Therefore, when I refer to irony in this context, I am referring to specific behaviours, which I will illustrate below through an imaginary dialogue between a couple who have arranged to meet up: This date was supposed to start at a specific time, let's say 8 p.m. at a fancy restaurant. One of the parties arrives more than 30 minutes late, and this is not the first time they have been late. Thus, the person who was waiting decides to speak up using ironic NVC.   1  The person speaking observes the situation without judging and without using dramatic adjectives: Ex: ‘I noted that you were late again.’   2  The person names her feeling  without dramatisation or victimisation, talking about herself without using the other person as an instrument of torture: Ex: ‘That made me impatient - and slightly angry.’   3  The person expresses their real need  without resorting to emotional blackmail or demanding that the other person read their mind: Ex: ‘Could you be on time next time? It's important to me.’ 4  The person makes a request in a polite manner, without veiled threats, using light irony and a touch of humour. All without any drama worthy of a soap opera: Ex: ‘Could you kindly be late in another universe next time, please?’ - followed by a relaxed laugh and a pat on the hand of the person who is late.   From this example, we can cite other situations from everyday life. Work environment At the office: "When you come to my desk and start going through my papers, I feel disrespected. It would be great if you could do me a favour and take my patience out of this cupboard (point to a cupboard or drawer) and give it back to me intact.‘ With your boss: ’I realise there is pressure to get results. I need more clarity on deadlines so that I can improve my performance." Home environment Two people sharing a flat: ‘I noticed that you “forgot” to wash the dishes for the fourth time this week. My hygiene needs are begging you to pick up the sponge.’ Inconvenient family members: ‘I appreciate your stories, but now I need a moment of silence to digest them.’   In a taxi The passenger and the reckless driver: ‘I notice your driving is as free as the wind. I, on the other hand, would prefer to be in a whole car. How about keeping the wheels on the road and my heart rate down?’ On social media and chat apps To respond to inappropriate comments and/or messages: Use the “edit” button as a shield. Refine your aggressive response until it becomes a thoughtful observation. Two examples of polite outbursts: "Your attitude makes me wish I were in a temple in Tibet. Could you please rephrase your approach?‘ ’Dear colleague, I feel at this moment that you should go exercise your imagination on another planet." Obviously, these examples are followed by the appropriate facial expressions, as real understanding and a genuine desire to improve are the keys to any type of NVC.   But what should we do in those situations where we feel that the other person is “asking for a map of hell”?  This is the classic ‘some people ask for it...’ Yes, there are always those who will test our level of intellectual articulation. And this is where NVC becomes even more interesting. The general idea is not to be passive, but also strategic. We don't have to swallow frogs, we can cook them over low heat and serve them with diplomacy. Example: ‘When you mock what I say in front of other people, I feel humiliated. Like anyone else, I deserve respect. So, if you have any comments about what I say, next time please make them in private. Is that OK?’ Translation: ‘One more of those and you'll need to go to the dentist to order a full set of dentures.’   Some philosophical analogues to ‘Go take a walk in the depths of your rectal canal’   As expected, philosophy always brings us different and more elegant perspectives on the typical anecdotes commonly conveyed by common sense. Let's start by talking about Plato  and the art of teasing with class. The guy loved a debate. In his Dialogue, his sarcasm cut deeper than a diamond, but in a profound, surgical and elegant way that only Greek philosophy is capable of.   Our favourite stoic, Seneca , would say: ‘By containing anger, I transform it into strength.’ A perfect phrase to keep in mind before telling anyone to go drink a cup of tea in the lower patch.   Nietzsche 's ‘ Übermensch ’ was not afraid to throw out sarcastic comebacks. He flirted with elegant insults, calling his opponents ‘walking corpses’ (obviously in a figurative sense). Nietzsche's audacity teaches us to always wrap our words in politeness.   Arthur Schopenhauer , on the other hand, was known for his acid remarks and claimed that ‘every common applauder is a buffoon.’ Translated into NVC, this phrase would be ‘you applaud everything without thinking about it.’ From an existentialist point of view, Jean-Paul Sartre  would defend freedom of expression in its purest form. This could even include profanity, but with total self-awareness.   In Buddhism, compassion is radical. The Dalai Lama , for example, would suggest sending love to the irritating agent before verbalising any insult or discontent. For the great Hannah Arendt , the word meant our action in the world. She would tell us to use our impactful phrases as a political performance, including those that tell people to gently and convincingly enter their own intestinal abysses.   Acidic humour and sarcasm in relationships   It should be noted that this “art” also has its risks, as everything in life has its opposite. Therefore, be aware that sarcasm can bring people closer together or drive them apart. If you use it, use it as a spice rather than a main ingredient.   On the other hand, sarcasm can also become something constructive. It can spark reflection when used in the right measure, as long as we monitor our tone and the context of the issues themselves.   Therefore, use common sense . Do not seek to humiliate or belittle others. Use the information to build a greater understanding of yourself and those around you. I am not responsible for the misuse or malicious use of what I write. Everything here is information, and what you do with it is your responsibility.   Tips for speaking without hurting   Take a conscious pause and breathe before responding. Deep breathing while counting to 5 in your head is a calming technique that requires no prescription. If necessary, do it more than once. Use ‘I’ instead of ‘you.’ It may sound like coach talk, but it works. If you have a problem, solve it without using others as scapegoats.   Listen as if you weren't the main character in the whole story. It's never too late to understand that the world doesn't revolve around us. Instead of always being nice, be firm. NVC isn't hug therapy, it's more about effective communication without any kind of violence. Replace ‘go to ... ’ with ‘enjoy a long walk to Pluto.’   Know when you are feeling ego overload. If we all respected our moments of silence, we would automatically respect the silence of others. And guess what? We would have a much healthier and more conscious coexistence. Choose a lighter vocabulary. Don't use the word ‘stupid’; replace it with ‘wise in denial,’ for example. Write letters. If you feel the need, write letters to the person you would like to insult, but DO NOT send them. Burn them safely, throw the ashes in the toilet, and then consider the matter closed.   Role-play philosophy. Imagine yourself debating with Socrates . Ask the person in question: ‘But, my dear, what is the reason for such rudeness?’   Use colourful metaphors. Always analyse the situation first and, if it contributes to the moment, say, ‘Your attitude is greyer than a rainy weekend.’ Learn to use self-deprecating humour. If you are unsure about the person's behaviour, start by saying, ‘Maybe I'm overreacting, but...’   Feedback with empathy. If the situation calls for it, you can mix a compliment with criticism: ‘I admire your passion, but could you channel it better, please?’ Use pop culture references. As a humorous response to a silly comment: ‘Do me a favour, young Padawan , withdraw from the premises.’   The art of elegant silence. Remain silent for a few seconds, look calmly into the person's eyes, say ‘Well...’ and walk away.   Self-care rituals. Learn to meditate, take relaxing walks, listen to calming music, read self-growth books, talk to yourself. Grow in silence. In short: Go take care of your life.   Tips for Overcoming Common Challenges   When we are afraid of not being understood: practise in front of the mirror. Talk to yourself as if you were Michel Foucault  himself when he spoke of ‘discursive edges’ - an expression that denotes the ideas of discourse and the forms of exclusion, control and organisation of knowledge elucidated by this philosopher.   For when others overreact: remember that you are entirely responsible for what you say and not for how others interpret it. Be consistent and you won't need to dwell on situations or look for excuses for other people's reactions. When you find it difficult to maintain your composure: anchor yourself in an inner philosopher, be your own Marcus Aurelius . Delve deeper into topics that help you deal with your own reactions and act accordingly.   When we judge ourselves: stopping labelling ourselves with adjectives such as “rude” or “weak” is always a start. Recognise your value and highlight your abilities, keeping your needs in mind.   When automatic reactions want to take over: consciously create a trigger and use it as an anchor. For example: Take a deep breath before any impulse. You will need to do this a few times before it becomes a habit.   When you lack emotional vocabulary: study feelings, needs, triggers (e.g., Rosenthal , Rosenberg …). Learn how and why you feel the way you do; seek out a good therapist. There are many ways to develop ourselves.   NVC is not just about peace and love, but also about freedom   No one said we need to become doormats who accept everything. The idea is to learn to communicate what we are feeling in a coherent way without coming across as medieval ogres. Unlike traditional education, NVC focuses on expressing needs, not on shaping behaviours that can avoid judgement. It is in moments of tension that this practice can make a difference, especially when it is used in its four pillars (Observation, Feeling, Need and Request). The use of irony in practice was something I suggested as a form of humour, a dissertation on the topic, and also as a way of dealing with those who ignore polite requests. In such cases, both irony and sarcasm can be used, as long as they serve to “enlighten” and not to hurt, and are always in accordance with the four essential pillars.   We can always be clear, direct and still maintain respect - this applies to corporate environments. If you want to use sarcasm and irony here, it's at your own risk. The idea of this article is not for you to get a promotion in the form of dismissal. When we use acid humour, we may always end up hurting some inflated egos, even if we do so elegantly. Therefore, consideration and restraint are necessary.   I strongly recommend that those who would like to learn more read Rosenberg's ‘ Nonviolent Communication .’ And don't forget that it's always better to tell someone to go to... the heart or elbow, even if you really want to tell them to shove their insignificance where anatomy ends and dignity begins.   Now, if you enjoyed this article, keep reading the others available here on the blog! Feel free to leave your comments, complaints, questions, and send them to the gang. Oh, you can suggest the next topic, ‘How to appear calm while screaming inside’ is next in line.   I also invite you to present us with a coffee ( just click here ). Every contribution helps and encourages us in our mission to bring you quality content without you having to skip ads. In the confirmation email for your contribution, you will receive a password for our backstage  UN4RT  ( check out  all the benefits of your contribution here ) where you will find even more in-depth, daring and elaborate content for those who are not afraid to use their own minds. Thank you and see you next time!   “The illusion crumbles when we question reality.” - UN4RT Sources, references, and inspiration for curious people like me.     Carl Rogers ,   Becoming a Person . Marschall B. Rosenberg , Nonviolent Communication. Aristotle , Rhetoric . Mahatma Gandhi ,   The Story of My Experiments with Truth . Martin Luther King Jr. ,   one of the most important leaders of the civil rights movement in the United States. Known worldwide for his non-violent struggle against racism, racial segregation and social injustice. His most famous speech was delivered in 1963 before 250,000 people, which he began with the phrase ‘I have a dream...’ Jean-Paul Sartre ,   Being and Nothingness . Masaru Emoto ,  The Hidden Messages in Water. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Plato ,   Dialogues . Seneca , Letters to Lucilius . Friedrich Nietzsche , Beyond Good and Evil . Arthur Schopenhauer , The art of insulting . Dalai Lama , he 14th is called Tenzin Gyatso, the most important spiritual leader in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition. The title “Dalai Lama” literally means “ocean of wisdom”. Hannah Arendt ,   The Human Condition . Socrates , Apologie of Socrates  (escrito por Plato ). Padawan , a term from the Star Wars universe (created by George Lucas and now owned by Disney) that designates a Jedi apprentice. Michel Foucau lt , The Order of Things . Marcus Aurelius , Meditations . Robert Rosenthal , social psychologist famous for the Pygmalion Effect, a phenomenon in which one person's expectations influence another's performance.

Why is the neighbour's grass always greener? This article is for those who, in their routine of looking at social media, have found themselves thinking how much better some people's lives seem to be. Well, this feeling has a name, an address and even a philosophical birth certificate. It's called comparison  - one of the most practised mental sports in humanity.   Let's analyse what lies beyond the metaphor and what hides in the depths of everyday comparison, because this practice, although it may seem harmless, carries with it a series of psychological reflexes and existential implications.   Let's finally understand why the hell we care so much about other people's grass and why we look at other people's lives through a magnifying glass while using a broken rear-view mirror to analyse our own.   The Origin of ‘Chronic Comparison Syndrome’ As expected, since Ancient Greece, philosophers have sought to understand this almost pathological behaviour. Plato  spoke about the restlessness of the human soul and the quest to always obtain something beyond what one already has. His disciple Aristotle  argued that virtue lies in happiness, not in what others have.   Epictetus  preached about the simple pleasures of life, those that allow us to enjoy without pain and with acceptance of what we already have.   Seneca , in turn, said to ignore the opinions of others, because what really matters is living in peace with oneself. In other words: the focus is on what you can control, and comparison is not on the list.   As the centuries passed, this topic continued to be debated. Until it reached Freud   and his psychoanalysis. Yes, the guy who thought everything was his mother's fault was one of the first to name and shape what we feel when we look at someone else's lawn. He called it the ‘castration complex,’ which is a feeling of loss or lack of something essential, which is projected onto others, and we only see what we should have.   Lacan  was not far behind and refined this idea, saying that desire is never ours, it always belongs to the other. In other words, we desire what the other desires, simply because the other desires it. He practically called us emotional parrots, saying that it is not other people's grass that we want, but rather the validation of being the owners of the most desired grass in the neighbourhood.   Let us now jump to the point of view of Schopenhauer , the grumpy uncle of philosophy, who said that desire is the source of all suffering. For him, we live our lives based on desiring, conquering, becoming frustrated, and then desiring again. A hellish cycle that turns comparison into more fuel for the fire of despair.   Simone de Beauvoir , on the other hand, said that, historically, women have been taught to compare themselves using standards, unattainable ideals and even to see other women as rivals, causing them to compare themselves with them as well.   For Mademoiselle   Beauvoir , comparison is a mechanism of domination and self-sabotage, because human beings construct themselves through others, and the problem arises when this construction becomes a competition. In other words, philosophy has tired of telling us that comparing ourselves is a waste of time.   The Rooted From an early age, we hear phrases such as: ‘Why aren't you like...’ or ‘Look at your son/daughter...’. The culture of comparison is taught to us from an early age as a method of motivation, but what it really does is plant deep insecurity and a sense of inadequacy that we carry into adulthood.   Psychoanalyst Melanie Klein  spoke about how childhood shapes our relationship with the world. When we grow up being compared, we start comparing everything. It's as if our self-esteem is constantly being evaluated by external criteria.   It doesn't take a genius to realise how cruel this is — the perfect poison to kill authenticity. We start living a life trying to please people who don't see us for who we really are.   Deconstructing this requires awareness and action. When we notice automatic patterns of comparison, we can question them instead of repeating them. Using the phrase coined by researcher Rodrigo Polesso : ‘ Compare who you are today with who you were yesterday and be inspired by who you want to be tomorrow. ’   Modern Self-Exploitation We are all trying to perform something that, deep down, we know we are not, according to philosopher Byung-Chul Han , who coined the term ‘performance society.’ He also added that we are living in an age of exhaustion, where society has replaced external oppression with self-exploitation. Now, we are our own bosses and executioners, all at the same time. And this has everything to do with our desire for the neighbour's grass. Self-exploitation is born out of comparison. We force ourselves to run faster because we see others producing more, earning more, and we think we are falling behind.   Comparisons that kill (our grass) The rock star of Western thought, Friedrich Nietzsche , defended the idea that we should live according to our own ‘will to power’ — that is, to achieve what is unique to us. But how can we do that if we are constantly looking around, bombarded with information that shows us everything we don't have and everything we are not? In this context, comparison would be a silent form of symbolic violence. Hannah Arendt  already warned about this when she said that great evils do not come from monsters, but from the normalisation of the absurd.   Here, this absurdity is the constant feeling – which is transmitted to us and which we feed – that we are behind, insufficient and small in comparison to our neighbour's “perfect” lawn. Returning to Nietzsche , he also spoke about the “eternal return”, the idea that everything repeats itself infinitely. Comparison in this case is also one of these repetitions. It would be like an itch: once it starts, it doesn't stop, becoming a habit. According to him, there is a way out of this condition, and it is called amor fati  - loving what we have, what we live and what we are. Living so intensely and authentically that, if we had to repeat everything forever, we would still do everything the same way. Green Grass as a Trigger for Frustration There is a concept in psychology called the ‘hedonic treadmill,’ which basically means that no matter how much we achieve, we will always want more. Did we buy a new car? Soon we will want the next model, newer and better than the first. Is the neighbour renovating their kitchen? We consider taking out a loan to replace our refrigerator, even if it's just that. Thus, this story becomes more like a silent resentment that grows as we watch others fulfil the dream we constantly put off. These are the first symptoms of when comparison begins to become a type of passive-aggressive envy. This resentment, like excuses, is a poison we take while we envy instead of being inspired. Brazilian philosopher Marcia Tiburi talks about how resentment is one of the driving forces of today's society - working better than motivation. This feeling paralyses, blinds and, above all, disconnects us from ourselves. The Fuel of Modern Frustration and Resentment Now the million-dollar question is: Who planted the idea in our heads that we need to have everything, all the time, and as quickly as possible? Ah, yes. Our beloved consumer industry. In the age of meritocracy, those who don't achieve something are failures. After all, who hasn't seen the advert ‘finds I didn't know I needed until I bought them’? Well, another point for marketing . Because its job isn't to sell products, but to sell us problems we didn't even know we had, and then offer us the solution. Touché .   Wherever there is a lawn parched from lack of watering, there will be a new organic fertiliser with nanoparticles of synthetic happiness. Is your love life lukewarm? No problem, a new perfume with shark pheromones will solve the problem! Are you sad? Then buy something!   This is how the neighbour's grass becomes a product. Comparison becomes business. Discontent becomes a sales driver. And we, docile consumers, continue on this merry-go-round, seeking to buy the happiness that seems to live only in the garden next door.   Writer Clarissa Estés  writes about the ‘archetype of the wild woman’, who does not bow to external demands and lives according to her own truth. But what we often see is the opposite being sold - a cult of manufactured perfection, where there is no room for pain, doubt, slowness, let alone authenticity.   All of this leads us to realise that expecting too much of ourselves, based on the edited lives of others, is a sure recipe for emotional collapse. Expectations  are a trap with a gold ribbon bow.   The dark side of the grass   Anyone with a garden knows that every blade of grass has its pests. Every life has its cracks. But when the light hits at an angle, we only see the brightness, never the shadows. The neighbour's grass may even look greener because we only see the side that is illuminated. The shadow remains hidden. Just like our own. Everyone knows or has known someone who seemed to have the perfect life until, as if by magic, everything fell apart. Yes, these things happen all the time. Comparison is based solely on projections - and projections are illusory by nature. Looking at other people's gardens with blind admiration is to forget that even the most beautiful flowers grow amid dirt.   Ironies, Hypocrisies and Contradictions Only life and experience can provide us with certain ironies. Sometimes, your neighbour is looking at your grass and thinking it's greener than his. This exchange of mutual envy is pathetic and brilliant at the same time. It's as if we are all broken mirrors, trying to complete ourselves with the pieces of others.   But this cycle of exchange is, in the end, a bad joke: his grass looks better to us, ours looks better to him, and in the end, no one enjoys their own garden. This is where the bitter humour of our existence comes in. We take ourselves too seriously when, deep down, we are all just trying to look less lost than we really are. The Green Illusion The neighbour's grass seems greener not because it actually is, but because we see it that way. This is called perceptual illusion, and it is the basis of the entire emotional circus. We look at other people's lives through a lens that highlights only the high points, ignoring the weeds and smelly fertiliser they also use to keep their lawns looking beautiful.   But why do we want what we don't have? Because what we have becomes invisible over time. Habit is the greatest killer of gratitude. The new, the different, the forbidden... all of these shine more brightly in the shop window of comparison.   The Role of Gratitude (without the coach spiel) Who hasn't heard, ‘Be grateful’ during a difficult time and wanted to punch the person who said it? Anyone who hasn't is already enlightened. All this talk is great, as long as it doesn't become a cliché from a bargain store.   Gratitude is not denying pain, it's more like a lens of reality. When we look around us and recognise what we already have, no matter how imperfect it may be. Using this practice daily helps detoxify our minds from the poison of comparison. When we start to value our small victories — like not telling people to go take a hike, for example — the weight of feeling like we don't have or aren't enough begins to lift. Viktor Frankl , Holocaust survivor and creator of logotherapy, said that even in the worst scenarios, life can have meaning. If he could find meaning in a concentration camp, we can find meaning in our routine, be it spreadsheets and bills. True gratitude, in my view, is rebellious. It screams in my ear: ‘Even without having everything, I have enough for today, now shut up and go do something you enjoy.’   Stepping Out of the Mirror of Others Have you ever tried looking at yourself in the mirror for more than two minutes? Without judging yourself, without looking for flaws, just observing? This exercise is brutal. The first time I did it consciously, I started crying. Most of us see ourselves through the eyes of others.   The writer Audre Lorde  said that ‘taking care of yourself is an act of resistance.’ And it really is. Stopping and looking at yourself with compassion, recognising your shadows and your light, is revolutionary. There is no comparison that can withstand the power of someone who knows themselves or seeks to know themselves deeply.   If we live trying to fit into moulds that were not made for us, it can end in emotional deformation. The challenge I pose here is: step out of the reflection of others and look back at yourself.   This task cannot be accomplished with a snap of the fingers, but as Dumbledore  said: ‘... choose the right thing, not the easy thing...’ Freedom lies in living within our truth, even if it has its flaws, but without giving up our conscience.   Be your own gardener Constantly comparing ourselves is the emotional equivalent of running on a treadmill: it only exhausts our strength, but we don't get anywhere. This practice is the most democratic illusion that exists; it affects the poor and the rich, the young and the old, philosophers and bloggers. But it is also a choice. We can continue to desire someone else's garden... or we can start building our own paradise, one square metre at a time. So, if you've read this far, stop and breathe. Allow yourself to break out of this spiral of comparison and self-sabotage. The neighbour's grass only looks greener because we haven't yet realised that ours has deep and strong roots.   Now, if you liked the article, stick with us! Here on the blog, every text comes with an audio version — uncut, uncensored. Want to comment, suggest topics, send questions, or just complain? Go for it! Comments are open and your participation is very welcome.   Oh, and I also invite you to treat us to a cup of coffee ( just click here ). Every contribution encourages us in our mission to create quality content, and in the confirmation email for your donation, you will receive the password for our UN4RT  website — ( check out the benefits of your contribution here ) — our secret backstage  with  underground  material that you won't find anywhere else.     ‘The illusion crumbles when we question reality.’ – UN4RT   Sources, References and Inspirations:   Plato , O Banquete . Aristotle , Nicomachean. Epictetus , The Handbook (Enchiridion). Seneca , Letters to Lucilius. Sigmund Freud , The Ego and the ID. Jacques Lacan , The Four Fundamental Concepts of Psychoanalysis. Arthur Schopenhauer , The World as Will and Representation. Simone Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Melanie Klein , Kleinian envy and gratitude. Byung-Chul Han , The Burnout Society. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Hannah Arendt , The Human Condition. Marcia Tiburi , Como Derrotar o TurbotecnoMachismo ( No English translation available). Clarissa Estés , Women Who Run with the Wolves. Viktor Frankl , Man's Search for Meaning. Audre Lorde , A Burst of Light .

The feeling of being lost is not exactly new in human history. Since we stopped hunting mammoths and started paying bills, our notions of existential confusion have merely changed narrative: we moved from the open fields to offices and factories. Some say that this ‘loss of direction’ is just a modern symptom, a simple side effect of contemporary hyperconnectivity. When, in fact, since Ancient Greece, philosophers and thinkers have been questioning the meaning of life. Socrates  asked himself, ‘Who am I?’ Diogenes  responded with a cynical look, while living in his barrel, laughing at the seriousness of people. Today, this ‘barrel’ has become, in some cases, a 40m² flat financed over 30 years. Times may have changed, but the ironies remain the same. Is the feeling of going around in circles really a problem, or is it just an inevitable characteristic of those who breathe and think “After all, why do we feel lost, even when faced with so many options?” We are living in an era where we have app options for practically everything. We can order food, find love, call a car, meditate, entertain ourselves... The list goes on. Amidst all this, we realise that there is no app, website, AI or social network that can accurately tell us what our role in the world is. There is no algorithm that can replace the complexity of human experience, and this is not for lack of attempts to create an intelligence that can answer why things are the way they are. The illusion of existential GPS is when we believe that there are right, linear, and safe paths to follow. It seems that we often understand life as a kind of automated spiritual compass: ‘In 300 metres, turn left towards complete happiness.’ The beloved and misunderstood Nietzsche  used to say that we need to create our own values, because the universal ‘map’ of moral ideas has collapsed. Jung  spoke about the integration of the ‘shadow,’ the dark and repressed side of our psyche, because only then can we truly know ourselves. This idea sounds very poetic, but that is only until we realise that in order to integrate our shadow, we need to look it in the eye. We would have to strip ourselves of the persona we use to interact with the world, saying goodbye to fake smiles and phrases like ‘everything is fine’ when, in fact, everything is less than fine. The Marketing of Positivity Let's say that if the status quo were a religion, its main commandment would be: ‘You shall be happy at all times, or die trying.’ Our current narratives sell us an endless menu of solutions to our problems, even those we don't have. We navigate a sea of productivity courses, millionaire mindset, coaching, self-help books, spiritual retreats, various therapies, and even consultancies and masterclasses that help us find our purpose. The diversification of this market, as well as the search for help, are not acts to be condemned. The issue here is the diverse interpretations that navigate between the lines of these practices, tools, and methods that are often sold as 100% effective lifestyles. By believing that happiness is something that can be bought with money or promises of a perfect and limitless life, many of us end up trapped in a new cycle. With each new technique or miracle method we buy, our motivation is renewed. But how long does it last? When we fail to maintain consistency, create discipline or blindly follow the step-by-step instructions, the emptiness returns, along with the internal pressure, only now accompanied by 12 instalments to be paid. So we set off in search of a new solution, be it another technique, another method, another job or another external agent to fill our inner void. Stoics, such as Seneca , already warned us. They said that life is full of uncertainties, and the quest to eliminate suffering is futile. The goal is not to avoid chaos at all costs, but rather to learn to dance with it, to see it as a phenomenon of change – creative chaos, which drives us forward, opening us up to our own solutions. After all, who knows more about our own lives than we do? No one else walks in our shoes, and there is no method or step-by-step guide in the world that can replace our own understanding of ourselves. But living in a society where selling illusions of comfort is preferable, it is obvious that we may feel even more lost. Especially when we realise that the “premium happiness” package does not work as effectively as it was advertised on the packaging. The Culture of Comparison Nothing confuses us more than our insistence on comparing ourselves to others. The popular saying, ‘The grass is always greener on the other side’ ( click here to read the article about it ), has never been so prophetic and universal. These mental comparisons are fuelled by the logic of ‘emotional scarcity.’ When we see others happy—even if it is only on the surface—we may think that we are failing in some way. As a result, we lose our internal reference point. Instead of asking ourselves, ‘What do I want?’, we start asking ourselves, ‘What is acceptable to want so I don't look like a failure?’ When we reflect more coherently on our beliefs, we realise that these comparative mechanisms are just inherited repetitions. They are still present, simply because we do not question them. The Idea of Separation   Contrary to what we hear, it is curious to realise that feeling lost is not just a mental issue. Our body also gives very clear signs that something needs to change. Chronic fatigue, insomnia or excessive sleep, pain and allergies with no apparent cause, all of these can be our body screaming: ‘Hey, you are ignoring what really matters.’ We still hold certain Cartesian beliefs that put our bodies on the back burner. These beliefs have been getting worse over the years, and one of the consequences of this separatist view is the growth in the production of highly processed foods. We often give preference to highly palatable substances that feed us but do not nourish us. An example of this is the price difference: edible substances have become much cheaper than natural foods, those that our ancestors planted and harvested. The philosopher Maurice Merleau-Ponty  was one of many who defended and still defend the fact that our consciousness is not separate from our body; we are the body. In modern life, our mind has become a kind of control panel crowded with notifications and red buttons, while our body... well, it now serves only to carry our head to the next goal. Reconnecting with our own bodies, whether through walking, exercises that use our own weight, meditation, dialogue with ourselves, cooking without rushing using natural products... helps us both in resolving our existential dilemmas and in realising that we are demanding more from ourselves than we are living. The Labyrinth of Choices When we listen to our grandparents' stories and experiences, we realise that although their life choices may have been few, they were very clear. Today, we have greater ‘freedom’ within our scope of choices. This diversity of professions, knowledge and even shampoo brands may seem liberating. But for many of us, this multitude of possibilities can also be paralysing. The existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre  said that ‘we are condemned to freedom,’ which means that every choice, even the smallest, carries the weight of all the others we did not choose. Therefore, for those who feel lost, this view works, in practice, like pouring more petrol on the fire of indecision. Outsourced Expectations Now, if there is one fuel that further feeds the fire of ‘Why do we feel lost’ and, consequently, our mental confusion, it is expectations - our own and those of others ( click here to read the article about this ). From an early age, we receive an invisible manual written by family, social and cultural beliefs. This manual tells us what it means to ‘be successful’, ‘be responsible’, ‘be an adult’; it practically tells us how we should be in order to be accepted and seen as members of society. To a certain extent, there is nothing wrong with that. However, this manual, in most cases, does not take into account who we really are. We may want to make a living from studying and writing, but the narrative screams that the right thing to do is to seek a ‘lifetime job,’ which is often related to something we have no real interest in. One possible consequence of this scenario is that we end up living a life designed for others, regardless of whether they are our parents, friends or strangers. The life and career we should choose to satisfy ourselves become a limitation of choice. Søren Kierkegaard  often said that ‘most people live in a state of silent despair’ precisely because they choose to follow paths they did not consciously choose. And, ironically, the more we try to meet expectations, the further we stray from ourselves and, as a result, become even more lost Fear One of the reasons that intensifies all the confusion is when we avoid silence and emptiness at any cost. Paradoxically, it is in these moments that we find the most distractions: the television on, our mobile phones at hand, music in our headphones, anything to avoid facing the echo of our own questions. Emptiness, no matter how much we have been taught otherwise, has never been our enemy. It is fertile ground from which solutions emerge that we are unable to perceive amid so many distractions. It is there that new ideas are born and intuition speaks louder. Philosophers such as Pascal  have extensive material on the subject. He already said that ‘all of man's unhappiness comes from not knowing how to stay quiet in his room.’ Today, we have brought infinite timelines  into our rooms, a place of rest and comfort. This makes us pay much more attention to them than to ourselves. Accepting our own emptiness as a natural part of our existence may not be something that happens at the snap of a finger. It does require the courage to turn off the external noise and face what is left. And what is left is often just us, without filters or distractions. The Traps There is a popular narrative that we all have a fixed or unique purpose, like a secret mission waiting for us to discover. This idea, while appealing, also requires some caution. For if we believe in the existence of a single purpose or specific path that we must take to find it, we begin to live with anxiety. Eastern philosophy, especially Taoism, suggests something quite different: instead of pursuing a fixed destiny, we should live in alignment with the natural flow of life (the Tao). This would mean accepting changes of direction, temporary interests and the multiple passions that arise throughout our existence. Perhaps the idea of ‘purpose’ has much more to do with how we walk than with a final destination. Our Internal Compass Since we cannot buy an existential GPS, how about tuning our internal compass? Yes, this exists and is called: Self-knowledge through self-questioning. When we observe our reactions to situations and question them when necessary, we begin to perceive and understand our emotional triggers in a broader way. We learn about what drives us forward and what keeps us stuck in fruitless cycles. Self-knowledge teaches us to differentiate between what we really want and what we have been trained to want. The Stoic philosopher Epictetus  said, ‘It is not things themselves that disturb us, but the opinions we have about them.’ By knowing these opinions and where they come from, we take a big step towards leaving behind the feeling of being lost. Time and Our Confusion It is undeniable that time is one of the greatest illusionists of existence. When we are young, it seems to drag on. But when we grow old, it flies by. The feeling of being lost often comes from the perception that ‘time is passing’ and we have not yet ‘got there’ – wherever ‘there’ may be. Heidegger, the philosopher who was already intrigued by time, said that living authentically means recognising our finitude and that we should use time as an ally, not an executioner. Our problem, in this context, is perhaps not a ‘lack of time’, but rather not knowing what we want to do with it. What if logic doesn't work? Feeling lost does not mean, at any time, that we are completely adrift. Small habits, when incorporated into our routine, can work very effectively. They provide us with a kind of anchor in the midst of confusion. This does not mean that we have to follow a rigid and inflexible routine, but rather create reference points that remind us of who we are. It does not matter if these small actions take the form of a quiet breakfast without a mobile phone, a notebook, some form of physical exercise or even a daily moment of silence. These little anchors may not completely eliminate doubt, but they help us navigate through it without being swallowed up. It's like using life buoys to cross a wide river: we still need to swim, but we know we won't sink.   Acceptance Amidst our routines, perhaps the biggest turning point we can have right now is to understand that feeling lost is not a problem, it is not a flaw, it is not a sign of failure. It is simply a reminder that we are alive, trying to do our best while moving through unknown territory. The very word ‘find’ implies that, at some point, we were lost. This can occur at various stages of our lives, where each transition – new jobs or careers, moving to a new city or country, the end and beginning of relationships – requires a part of us to reorganise. The trick is to stop seeing this as a failure and start seeing it as an opportunity to reinvent ourselves. The Luxury of Being Lost If we stop to think about it, feeling lost is a privilege of consciousness. A stone does not feel lost. A cat probably doesn't either. But we do, because we have too many thoughts and think too little. Perhaps being lost is ‘the price’ we pay for freedom. As Sartre  would say: ‘Freedom is what you do with what has been done to you.’ And if that is the case, being lost is not a problem to be solved, but a state to be passed through. In simple terms Feeling lost is normal. It is the result of freedom, external expectations, comparisons, too many choices, and the difficulty of listening to yourself. There is no ready-made formula to avoid this. But what does exist are small practices, reflections, questions, and the courage to live amid the possible uncertainties of life. In my view, this excessive search for ‘finding oneself’ can be as overwhelming as being lost. Perhaps it would be better if we allowed ourselves to live without needing to know the next step all the time. Sometimes it is in improvisation that we find our most authentic moments and ideas. Note : The idea for this article came to me on the very day I was supposed to post it, when I felt lost because I didn't know what to write about. Even in moments of self-criticism, we can learn some lessons. Ultimately, we can say that self-knowledge is essential, not a luxury. So, if you've read this far, I invite you to reflect on what really matters to you today. This brings us to the end of another article. Feel free to interact (or not) by leaving your comments, suggestions, questions, complaints, or simply recommending this text to someone who is also ‘searching for themselves.’ Visit our official website UN4RT , our free backstage  with exclusive and somewhat daring content (in a good way, of course). And, if you want, you can support this project by accessing our profile on ‘ Buy Me A Coffee ’, where you will find free materials, e-books written by us, membership plans and much more. Thank you and see you next time! “ The illusion crumbles when we question reality” – UN4RT Sources, references and inspiration at a glance. Have a safe trip! Socrates , Dialogues by Plato . Diogenes the Cynic , Philosophical Traditions and Anecdotes. Friedrich Nietzsche , The Gay Science . Carl Gustav Jung , Man and His Symbols . Seneca , Letters to Lucilius . Søren Kierkegaard , Human Despair  and The Concept of Anxiety . Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Albert Camus , The Myth of Sisyphus . Maurice Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception. Blaise Pascal , Thoughts . Epictetus , Enchiridion . Lao Tzu , Tao Te Ching . Martin Heidegger , Being and Time. Barry Schwartz , The Paradox of Choice . Viktor Frankl , Man's Search for Meaning .

Everyone has heard, at least once in their life, the clichéd motivational phrase: ‘If life gives you lemons, make lemonade’. Harmless, optimistic and almost naive. This phrase is ‘shoved down our throats’ as if it were an infallible philosophy of life. Since the dawn of humanity, we've had the strange habit of turning defeats into catchphrases. Which is understandable in a way - who likes the idea that things might be happening for no reason, right? But between you and me, have you ever wondered: who is profiting from all this citrus abundance? Who really gains from the idea that you should accept challenges and turn them into an ‘opportunity’? Because, let's face it: life doesn't hand out lemons for free, and if they're dumping a whole load on us, there's someone taking advantage of it.   The Existential Lemons Market   Pain has always been a valuable commodity. If you think that all the difficulties we face are just random misfortunes that are part of chance or ‘fate’, then you'd better rethink that. Human suffering has always been a gold mine for those who know how to capitalise on it.  The misunderstood philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said that ‘Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs man's torment’. And what do they do with our suffering? They package it in self-help books, turn it into productivity courses, sell it as miracle pills.  Exaggeration? Want an example? The self-help market is a billion-dollar industry. There is a veritable empire built on the idea of the ‘millionaire mindset  ’. While we're out there trying to ‘win at life’, someone is selling the secret to success for just 997.00 or 12X 83.08 without interest. But don't worry, if you act now, you'll get a free e-book! Of course, because all we need to thrive is a video webinar and a 50-page e-book.  What they don't tell us is that the real game is to get us to keep buying, after all, we only bought Volume I. Dependence, addiction, habit, need... call it what you like.  But don't get me wrong. I'm not belittling the knowledge and work of those who have developed their expertise and offer it to others - I'd be being hypocritical if I did. The issue here is the conscious USE of our pain in order to achieve greater profit.  This article is about those who want only one thing: to benefit at our expense. And believe me, you'd be amazed at how ‘in your face’ this is. We're the ones who don't even realise it. Unfortunately, this isn't a conspiracy theory - it used to be.   The System Doesn't Want You Healthy or Dead: It Wants You Sick (and Exhausted)   Jean Baudrillard alerted us to the fact that we live in a distorted reality, a kind of ‘simulation’ carefully designed through narratives that keep us running like productive cogs. But Byung-Chul Han went further and described our time as the era of self-exploitation: ‘The neoliberal subject exploits himself and believes that this fulfils him.’. In other words, we no longer need a boss shouting orders. The system has made us torture ourselves. We believe that all we have to do is try harder, sleep less, work longer hours, produce more and if we don't succeed, it's because we didn't try hard enough.   And so we continue on the hamster wheel, without realising that the game has been set up so that only a few win. While some reap the rewards, others are exhausted trying to make lemonade out of lemons they didn't ask for.  It's important to emphasise that this is also where the myth of meritocracy comes in, which is part of these distortions. ‘Work hard and you will win’, “Work while others sleep” are slogans  created to make us accept exploitation as if it were a virtue.  Capitalism doesn't want you to discover that your neighbour's oranges are irrigated with government subsidies. It prefers that you continue to believe that everything can be solved with more effort and a positive mindset. No wonder the machine keeps churning out content about ‘resilience’ and ‘millionaire mindset  ’ while the owners of the game keep multiplying their wealth.   The Economics of Toxic Optimism   ‘Optimism is the opium of the people,’ Karl Marx might have said, if he had lived long enough to see industry flourish - and also to see his ideas practised and fail in equal measure. An interesting thing would be: instead of blindly embracing these narratives, let's decide to question the system that bombards us with these lemons. As the brilliant philosopher Simone de Beauvoir suggested, ‘One is not born a woman, one becomes one.’. Which, taking poetic licence, could also mean: ‘You're not born an optimist, you become one’. And, apparently, we become optimistic by buying an endless series of products to deal with life's lemons. Do the Ends Justify the Means?   Machiavelli , if he were alive, would probably say that the power dynamics behind this system are indeed brilliant. He had already taught that ‘the end justifies the means’, and this philosophy has been taken to a new level by modern capitalism. Artificial problems are created and then solutions are sold at ‘gold-plated banana’ prices. The idea that ‘all you have to do is try hard enough’ is a good decoy. Not because effort is irrelevant, but because ignoring structural inequalities is convenient for those at the top. The neighbour's oranges are irrigated with subsidies, while we struggle to grow our lemons in the desert. In other words, the genius of modern exploitation is to make you think that it's all your fault.   The Metaphysics of Bitterness   Let's think for a moment: what are these ‘lemons’ that life is supposed to give us? Problems at work? Failed relationships? A shortage of money? Bills to pay? Or are they merely social constructs, designed to keep us eternally dissatisfied and therefore eternally consuming? As Nietzsche might have said (if he had an obsession with citrus fruits): ‘When you look at the lemon, the lemon also looks at you.’ Profound, no? Or maybe it's just the citric acid eating away at my metaphorical retina.   The Squeezer Paradox   Here's a question to get your brain in a sailor's knot: if we make lemonade out of all the lemons life gives us, aren't we actually perpetuating the cycle? The more efficient we become at dealing with problems, the more problems ‘the universe’ seems to throw in our lap. It's as if the cosmos were a sadistic barman, always ready to refill our glass with challenges. With this in mind, what would it be like if instead of passively accepting lemons or turning them into lemonade, we decided to change things a little? Imagine a society where, on receiving a lemon, people asked: ‘Who planted this tree? Who picked this fruit? How much pesticide was used? Are you sure this can be eaten? And why the hell am I getting this now?’   The Great Citrus Scam   Maybe - just maybe - all this talk of lemons is just an elaborate distraction. While we're busy making lemonade, the real players are trading orange futures, monopolising limes and creating genetically modified grapefruit hybrids.  Edward Bernays , considered the father of public relations, was one of the first - and certainly the most famous - to realise that human emotions could be manipulated to drive consumption. Inspired by the psychoanalytic theories of his uncle, Sigmund Freud , Bernays helped create the modern consumer society, where people don't just buy products, but narratives and feelings (Brands).  The market for selling and exploiting pain is a direct reflection of Bernays ' ideas: first, discomfort or insecurity is created (whether through the media, advertising or influencers), then a solution is sold that promises to relieve the anguish. In this way, the system not only profits from the problems, but becomes the very creator of them, guaranteeing an endless cycle of consumption. Well, now that you know this, open up your social networks and analyse how products, courses and so on are sold.  So the solution is not just to ‘make more lemonade’ or ‘throw the lemons away’, but to understand the system that puts the lemons on our table. Ask yourself. Who is winning? How can you play the game without being just a pawn? Instead of swallowing forced optimism, learn to negotiate your own terms. If possible, stop buying ready-made lemonades, grow your own orchard and learn to sell your own apples.  Note that the aim of this article is to uncover these ‘moves’. So that when you decide to consume/buy something, it is in fact your conscious choice  and not through a feeling of need that has actually been ‘planted’ in your mind. Human emotions are easily manipulated and the vast majority of the population has no idea what ‘using your head’ actually means.  A Sip of Reality Juice   In my humble opinion as a writer - who has spent far too much time thinking about lemons - I believe it's time we changed this saying. Instead of ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.’, how about: ‘When life gives you lemons, question the agricultural, economic and social system that brought those lemons to you and then consciously decide what to do with them.’ The idea of turning difficulties into opportunities is seductive, in some cases it helps and makes sense, but it's also dangerous. Not everything is a ‘learning experience’ or a ‘life lesson’; sometimes it's just exploitation and/or self-sabotage in disguise. So before you accept the next dose of toxic positivity, ask the essential question: who is profiting from this?  Understand, life is not a fairy tale and the economy of misfortune is real. While many are still trying to turn difficulties into opportunities, there are those who are packaging them up and selling them as a product.  The real power lies in seeing the system and not just playing the game they've created for you.  "We're all puppets Laurie.   I'm just the puppet who can see the strings."   - Dr Manhattan. Now tell me: are you just drinking the lemonade or have you started to wonder who's bottling it?  Whether you liked the text or not, explore more articles here on the blog and keep questioning. Leave a comment, suggest topics, share. And if you want access to the backstage of critical thinking, visit the UN4RT website. Because while some are drinking juice, others are writing the menu. Thanks for your confidence and see you next time for a dose of intellectual vitamin C!   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT     Go and do some more research. It's good for you! The sources, inspirations and references are there.   Friedrich Nietzsche , Human, All Too Human and  Beyond Good and Evil. Jean Baudrillard , Simulacra and Simulation. Byung-Chul Han , The Burnout Society. Karl Marx , Capital. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex  and The Ethics of Ambiguity . Niccolo Machiavelli , The Prince . Edward Bernays , publicist and communication theorist who revolutionised marketing and advertising by applying concepts from psychoanalysis to mass behaviour. Freud's nephew, he used ideas from the work ‘Psychology of the Masses and Analysis of the Self’, where Freud explores how individuals lose their rationality when inserted into groups. Bernays transformed this knowledge into strategies for manipulating desires and emotions that still characterise (and have enabled) consumer society today, as described in his book ‘ Propaganda ’. Michael Sandel , The Tyranny of Merit and Justice: What's the Right Thing to Do? Dr Manhattan , character from Watchmen. Portrayed as a divine being who transcends time and space. Michel Foucault , Discipline and Punish .

Idiots are omnipresent creatures that seem to sprout from the ground like weeds. Let's just say that the noble art of dealing with other people's stupidity without losing shreds of your own sanity has become a survival skill these days. Anyone who thinks it's just a question of patience is mistaken. No, it's a philosophical discipline and a stoic practice in times of social media. A veritable mental academy for those who insist on keeping at least two neurons working in sync. In this article we're going to explore the essential skill of navigating the raging sea of everyday idiocy without losing your head - well... at least that's the proposal.   The Silent Epidemic We Pretend Not to See   Perhaps the only truly renewable and inexhaustible resource on the planet is human idiocy, and nobody who lives among people can deny that fact.  Albert Einstein had already warned us when he said: ‘Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity. And I'm not sure about the universe’. Never has a scientific phrase been so prophetic and, at the same time, so empirically verifiable in everyday life.  But what defines a modern idiot? Well, we're not referring here to those with a low level of education or who have some cognitive limitation. We're talking about the kind of contemporary idiocy that is much more sophisticated and democratic - which also affects PhDs, CEOS, politicians, influencers  with millions of followers and even that aunt who has an opinion on international geopolitics based exclusively on chat app audios.   The Idiot: A Species in Constant Evolution   This fascinating creature that, like a social chameleon, adapts to any environment, always finds new ways to test our patience. As the philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre once said: ‘Hell is other people.’ And frankly, sometimes it seems that hell is so overcrowded that a few specimens are roaming free in the midst of paradise. But let's not rush to judgement. After all, as Socrates wisely observed, ‘I only know that I know nothing’. Perhaps, in our arrogance, we don't realise that we are also someone's idiots. That's why it's crucial to recognise the different species that inhabit the world. Arhur Shopenhauer , a 19th century German philosopher, warned about the proliferation of mediocre works and the importance of thinking for yourself, avoiding the mechanical reproduction of other people's ideas.   Manual for Recognising Social Fauna Species   If we were to create a taxonomy of human idiocy, we would need several volumes and an interdisciplinary team of anthropologists, psychologists and comedians. However, we can highlight some particularly common species:  The Donkey :  this is the person who, despite being surrounded by information on all sides, is unable to ‘join the dots’. This is the individual who takes part in a democratic demonstration calling for the return of the dictatorship, without even realising the blatant contradiction in their actions. Their capacity for reasoning is so limited that it's almost comical, if not tragic.  The Cool Idiot :  This is the guy who reads what the ‘mercenary idiot’ writes and repeats his ideas in the hope of being socially accepted. He shows off his blog and newspaper readings as trophies, using other people's ideas to appear intelligent. He follows the dominant trend without question, striving to be fashionable, but without originality or critical thinking.  The Paranoid Knowledge Representative :  Also popularly called the Mercenary Idiot. This type may be a genius in certain respects, but his lack of doubt makes him an idiot. He has absolute certainties and sees monsters to be slaughtered in any idea that challenges his convictions. His inability to experiment with other ways of looking at the world mortifies his intelligence, bringing him closer to ‘The Donkey’ and ‘ Cool Idiot’.  The Undefeated Mansplainer :  the one who explains his own field of expertise to you in minute detail - even if you are literally the ultimate authority on the subject. Like the man who tries to explain to a neuroscientist how the brain works based on a half-watched internet documentary.  The Social Media Expert :  A graduate of the prestigious University of Social Media, this species has a doctorate in ‘I Researched’ and a post-doctorate in ‘I Watched a Video’. Their sources are always ‘reliable’, although they can never be named or verified.  The Compulsive Opinionator :  Suffers from a rare condition where silence causes physical pain (some say I belong to this species). They need to give their opinion on absolutely everything, especially subjects of which they don't have the most basic knowledge.  The Selective Negationist :  Accepts all the science that allows them to use smartphones , GPS and antibiotics, but vehemently rejects the same scientific methodologies when the results contradict their personal beliefs.  The Chronic Interrupter :  Someone who considers their speech to be infinitely more important than yours, regardless of the context. They firmly believe that conversations are competitions where the one who speaks the loudest or for the longest wins.  The Philosophy of Tolerance for Idiots: A Historical Perspectiv   The question of how to deal with other people's idiocy is not a new one. Philosophers from different eras have racked their brains (and possibly wanted to rack their brains) over this dilemma.  Socrates, a master of irony, developed his method of asking questions not to teach, but to gently expose the ignorance of his interlocutors. His elegant way of saying: ‘You don't know what you're talking about, but I'll let you find out for yourself’ is legendary. It was a passive-aggressive approach avant la lettre  that would still be useful today at family gatherings.  Our friend Shopenhauer , with his characteristic optimism (pure irony), declared that ‘...stupidity in itself is not painful; the pain comes when stupidity collides with intelligence...’ Basically, we only suffer from idiots because, unfortunately, we're not one of them. The German philosopher suggested isolation as a solution - advice that has gained unprecedented viability in the home office  era (oh, glory!).  Hannah Arendt , on the other hand, in her analysis of the banality of evil, offers us a disturbing perspective: often idiocy is not the result of malice, but of a lack of critical thinking. As she observed when analysing Eichmann: ‘The problem with Eichmann was precisely that many were like him and many were neither perverts nor sadists, but were and still are terrifyingly and frighteningly normal.’ A reflection that makes us wonder if the real idiot isn't just someone who has outsourced their thinking.   Simone de Beauvoir , with her characteristic lucidity, stated that ‘No one is more arrogant towards women than a man who is insecure about his own intelligence.’ An observation that could be expanded to: no one is more assertive in their opinions than the man who has studied the subject the least.   Tolerance: An Exercise in Mental Health   Tolerating idiots is like practising yoga in a minefield: it requires balance, concentration and the constant awareness that one false move can result in a catastrophic explosion - for our nerves. It's a daily exercise in patience, a mental gymnastics that would make even Buddha question his life choices. The brilliant Dorothy Parker said, ‘The only cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity’. Perhaps this is the secret: to face other people's idiocy with anthropological curiosity. Maybe then we can turn our frustration into a fascinating study of the human capacity to be... well, human.   Practises for Mental Survival   Now that we've understood the problem and identified the different types of idiots, the question remains:  How can we deal with them without losing our sanity and/or developing an ulcer?  Digital Buddha technique :  Practise informational detachment. Not every wrong opinion needs to be corrected, nor does every absurd post deserve your comment. As the contemporary (and fictional) philosopher Tyler Durden would say: ‘It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.’ - including ignoring idiocy.  Adapted Socratic Method :  Ask yourself: ‘Does this discussion bring me joy?’. If the answer is no, mentally thank yourself and discard the interaction. Apply minimalism to your social interactions.  Stoic Distancing :  As Marco Aurelio taught us, ‘You have power over your mind, not over external events. Realise this and you will find strength’. Remember that the other person's idiocy doesn't have to contaminate our mental state.  The Anthropologist's Strategy :  Observe behaviour like a scientist studying an exotic culture. ‘Fascinating how this specimen forms opinions without any empirical evidence. Remarkable example of magical thinking in 21st century adults.’  Carpenting a Plot to Sow Patience :  We must remember that not everyone has had the same opportunities for learning or critical development. Patience is a virtue that allows us to deal with the ignorance of others without becoming exasperated.  Laugh, Even If You're Nervous :  Humour is a powerful tool for defusing tense situations. A good-humoured response can neutralise idiocy and get a laugh out of those present.  The Art of Not Reading :   Schopenhauer said that life is short and we should avoid reading bad books. In the same way, we can avoid paying attention to idiotic opinions that add nothing of value to our lives. Go Do Something Worthwhile :  Just like flowers that fulfil their destiny by blooming in their own time, we should concentrate on what really matters, without letting ourselves be distracted by other people's idiocy.  Miss Candidate Method :  Smile, wave - and feign dementia. Not every battle is worth fighting. Sometimes it's wiser to leave the idiot in his ignorance than to try to convince him otherwise. So let's swallow our advice and let everyone go to hell as they please.  Simultaneous Translation Technique :  When confronted with a particularly exasperating piece of idiocy, try translating it into a language you don't understand. Suddenly, that absurd opinion on politics becomes a fascinating linguistic exercise in Klingon .   When Patience Ends: The Limit of Tolerance   Nietzsche has a phrase that I like a lot, which is: ‘If you stare long enough into an abyss, the abyss will also stare into you’. By tolerating idiots, don't we run the risk of becoming a bit of an idiot ourselves? Or does this exposure make us wiser, more patient, more... human? There always comes a point, however, when tolerating becomes colluding. As Karl Popper reminds us in ‘The Paradox of Tolerance’: a tolerant society without limits will eventually be destroyed by the intolerant. The same applies to our mental sanity. Some forms of idiocy transcend the annoying and enter dangerous territory: denialism that puts lives at risk, deliberate disinformation, prejudice disguised as ‘opinion’, dogmas dressed up as truths. In these cases, silence isn't gold - it's complicity. As Audre Lorde tried to teach us, ‘...your silence will not protect you...’ - much less your ignorance. Sometimes confronting idiocy is not just a matter of preference, but of ethical necessity. The trick is to choose our battles wisely, like a general who knows he can't win every war, but can select the most strategic battlefields.   The Science of Idiocy (Yes, There Is One)   To better understand how to deal with idiocy and thus choose the best strategy, it's worth examining what science has to say on the subject.  Analytical psychology offers us insights  into why intelligent people sometimes act like complete idiots. Confirmation Bias causes us to only seek out information that confirms what we already believe. It's like having a filter in our brains that only lets through what agrees with our worldview - the mental equivalent of only following people who agree with you and only say what you want to hear. Any resemblance to how the social media algorithm works is purely coincidental (haha OK).  The Backfire  Effect is even more perverse: when confronted with evidence that contradicts their beliefs, some people not only reject the new information, but reinforce their ‘original’ convictions even more. It's as if the brain activates a defence system against inconvenient facts, creating an impenetrable fortress of idiocy. Take a look at what your brain's Reticular Activating System (RAS) means.  Neuroscientist Robert Sapolsky suggests that when we feel threatened in our fundamental beliefs, our brain reacts in a similar way to a physical threat - activating fight or flight mechanisms that literally switch off parts of the prefrontal cortex responsible for critical thinking. In other words: idiocy is often the brain in panic mode, not necessarily a lack of intellectual capacity.  Understanding these mechanisms doesn't make idiocy any less annoying, but it can help us develop more compassion - or at least, less of a desire to commit a non-bailable offence after discussing politics or religion with someone.  Art as Refuge and Resistance   But it's when all strategies fail that we're left with artistic sublimation. Art has always been a refuge from human stupidity, whether through humour, literature or music. Mark Twain once said: ‘Against stupidity, the gods themselves fight in vain’. But where the gods fail, comedians thrive. Humour is perhaps the most powerful tool for processing idiocy without going mad. It's no coincidence that some of the best humourists have emerged in particularly challenging times or societies. Literature offers us company on this journey. From Don Quixote fighting windmills to Machado de Assis's ‘ The Alienist ’ questioning who really is crazy in an insane society, books remind us that our fight against human stupidity is timeless and universal. As Virginia Woolf wrote: ‘If you don't tell the truth about yourself, you can't tell it about other people’. Perhaps the antidote to idiocy begins with honest self-questioning. After all, we all have our moments of sublime stupidity and recognising this is perhaps the first step towards developing genuine empathy.   The Positive Side of Other People's Idiocy   Believe it or not, there is a positive side to being surrounded by idiots. They provide us:  Endless material for anecdotes. A sense of intellectual superiority (often illusory). Opportunities to play the good Samaritan by practising our patience and compassion. A renewed appreciation for intelligent people.  As Oscar Wilde once said, ‘The world is a stage, but the cast is lousy’. So let's look at it as a comedy rather than a tragedy. Better, eh?   Survival in the Apocalypse of Reason   Tolerating idiots without losing your sanity is not just a social skill - it's an art form, a spiritual discipline and, in some cases, an act of political resistance. As Camus would say, we should imagine Sisyphus happy, even as he eternally rolls his stone up a mountain. In the same way, we must find some joy in the absurd task of living with human idiocy without becoming irreparable cynics (ha, say it myself). True wisdom perhaps lies in accepting that none of us is immune to the occasional idiot. As contemporary philosopher Alain de Botton reminds us, ‘To be human is to suffer from a peculiar amnesia about our own faults while keeping in crystal clear memory the faults of others.’ So tolerating idiots doesn't mean passively accepting idiocy. It means recognising that, behind absurd opinions and irritating behaviour, there are human beings who are complex, fallible and - on some level - just as confused as we are about how to navigate this world. And if that sounds too Zen for you, remember that it's perfectly acceptable, from time to time, to take a day out to shout into your pillow. In my opinion, the real art lies not in tolerating idiots, but in finding the delicate balance between compassion and self-preservation. Between understanding human limitations and setting healthy boundaries. Between not losing patience and not losing yourself. And perhaps most importantly: learning to laugh at the absurdity of the human condition - including our own contribution to the great circus of collective folly.   Invitation to Reflection (and Action)   How have you dealt with the idiots around you without committing a crime or needing intensive care? Do you have any special techniques or are you already considering moving to a remote cave?  Feel free to share your experience or your mental survival strategies in the comments - after all, we're all on this journey to sanity in insane times together. And of course, if this content resonated with you, share it with friends and family.  But if you thought this article was just the tip of the iceberg  of human insanity, don't forget to visit the UN4RT  website, our intellectual and artistic backstage  where madness and genius meet in exclusive content that will make your brain hurt.  And remember: in a world of idiots, being sane is the real madness. So let's embrace our collective insanity and laugh at the absurdity of existence. After all, as the great anonymous philosopher from a bar in Kreuzberg  would say: ‘If we can beat them, how about confusing them with our genius disguised as idiocy?’   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT   Well, if you're still there, trying to prove to yourself that you're not an idiot, the sources, references and inspirations for this article are here.   Albert Einstein , the quote is often attributed to the theoretical physicist known for developing the Theory of Relativity, although there is no definitive record of where or when he said it. Jean-Paul Sartre , quote from ‘ Huis Clos ’, English as ‘ No Exit ’, a play written by the philosopher. Socrates ,  Apology of Socrates (written by Plato ) and the Socratic Method. Arthur Schopenhauer , The Art of Literature, Aphorisms for the Wisdom of Life and The World as Will and Representation. Avant la lettre , a French expression that literally means ‘before the letter’ or ‘before the name’. It is used to describe something or someone that already had characteristics of a concept or movement before that concept was formally named or defined. Hannah Arendt , Eichmann in Jerusalem: An Account of the Banality of Evil. Adolf Eichmann , a Nazi officer who was one of the main people responsible for the logistics of the Holocaust. He was famously tried in Jerusalem in 1961. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Buddha  was Siddartha Gautama, a prince and philosopher who lived in India between the 6th and 5th centuries BC and is considered the ‘founder’ of Buddhism. Dorothy Parker , the quote in this article is usually attributed to the American writer and poet known for her acid humour, but there is no concrete evidence. Tyler Durden , a fictional character from the book ‘ Fight Club ’ by Chuck Palahniuk . Marcus Aurelius , Meditations. Klingon , language spoken by the alien warrior race The Klingons from the Star Trek universe. Friedrich Nietzsche , Beyond Good and Evil. Karl Popper , The Open Society and its Enemies. Audre Lorde , Sister Outsider . Confirmation Bias , the human tendency to seek out, interpret and remember information in a way that confirms our pre-existing beliefs, while ignoring or discarding data that contradicts them. The Backfire Effect , or Rebound Effect, is a psychological phenomenon in which, when confronting deeply held beliefs with contrary evidence, people not only reject the new information, but further reinforce their convictions. This is because accepting opposing ideas requires greater cognitive effort, generating emotional discomfort. Reticular Activating System (RAS) , a network of neurons that acts as a ‘brain filter’, deciding which stimuli deserve our attention and which can be ignored. Robert Sapolsky , Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst. Mark Twain , the quote is often attributed to the American writer and humourist, although it is also attributed to the German poet Friedrich Schiller. Don Quixote , mad nobleman, protagonist of the novel " Don Quixote de la Mancha" , written by the Spaniard Miguel de Cervantes . Machado de Assis , The Alienist. Virginia Woolf , A Room of One's Own . Oscar Wilde , there is no record that the phrase is actually by the Irish writer. The quote may be an ironic version of Shakespeare's famous quote in " As You Like It ": ‘All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.’. Albert Camus , The Myth of Sisyphus. Thomas Bulfinch , The Golden Age of Myth & Legend . Sisyphus ,   a character from Greek mythology, known for his cunning and for deceiving the gods. Alain de Botton , How Proust Can Change Your Life. Kreuzberg ,  is one of Berlin's most famous neighbourhoods. It is part of the Friedrichschain-Kreuzberg district and is known for its diversity, alternative art scene and lively nightlife.

(Warning to the unwary : This text contains sarcasm, irony and acid humour. Prepare some boldo tea! You'll need it). We all love the sweet illusion that the world, or even life, owes us something. Well, sit back and get ready for a hefty dose of reality.  Yes, this pill is bitter and many refuse to swallow it, preferring to live in a world of frustrated expectations and constant disappointments. But the time has come to wake up from this childish dream and face the ‘real world’. So let's start by ‘setting fire to the playground’.   The Fallacy of Deserving   From an early age, we are fed lies. Wait a minute, I'll explain: we come to believe the idea that if we behave properly, Santa Claus - the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and others - will bring us presents. So we grow up and swap the good old man (and the others) for other figures: bosses, partners, friends... Extremely convenient! It's a good thing we've learnt, isn't it? We've come to believe that if we follow all these rules, we'll be rewarded.  But to make this clearer, let's take a simple example:  Imagine the universe as a huge cosmic restaurant. You walk in, sit down at a table and wait anxiously for the waiter to come round with a smile on his face and a menu full of wonders. Well, surprise , surprise ! There's no waiter. There's no menu. In fact, there isn't even a kitchen. Welcome to Planet Earth! In this restaurant, you are the  chef , the waiter and the customer. So if you want to eat, you'll have to get off the sofa and prepare your own meal.  As the sarcastic philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche would say: ‘You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way and the only way, there is no such thing.’ In other words, no one is going to serve up your happiness on a silver platter.  Hannah Arendt gave us an interesting perspective when she said: ‘No one has the right to obey.’. To paraphrase more acidly: no one has the right to expect life to be fair, simply because they have decided to be a decent person.  ‘Life isn't fair and because of that we don't get what we really deserve’ - a Buddhist proverb I've just made up, but which could well be true.  Yes, all this may sound quite ridiculous, but that's exactly how many of us act.   Universal Debt and Expectations   Many of us grew up believing that the world owed us something. Perhaps it's happiness, success, love or simply fair treatment. But, as the brilliant and acidic Dorothy Parker once said: ‘Gratitude is a canine disease.’ And, apparently, expectation is a human pandemic. Think about it for a moment: if everyone believed that the world owed them something, who would be the universal creditor? It would be like a cosmic pyramid scheme, where everyone expects to receive, but no one is willing to give. And this is where an inconvenient truth comes in: the more we expect something from others, the less we will be satisfied. It's like trying to squeeze water out of a stone - you'll only end up with skinned fingers and a stone that now hates you. The British writer Virginia Woolf said: ‘There is no barrier, no lock, no bolt that you can impose on the freedom of my mind.’ We are, however, masters of creating mental prisons and the greatest of these is the expectation that others owe us something. We expect our friends to understand us without us having to speak, our partners to anticipate our desires and the world to reward us for simply existing. I'll be honest: nobody is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about yourself. People are busy dealing with their own lives, insecurities and dilemmas. To think that they have the time or the obligation to meet our expectations is - to say the least - self-centred. The freedom of letting go   Now, before you fall into a pit of existential despair (although this can be quite invigorating from time to time), consider the positive side of this apparent cosmic nihilism. If nobody owes us anything, we don't owe anybody anything either. Freedom! We are free to create, to fail, to try again, without being bound by the chains of other people's expectations and also of a recognition that may never come. We can live according to our own values and desires, without the need for external approval. Because - seriously - happy people don't waste their time filling other people's bags. So if someone decides to bother you, know that they certainly don't have anything else to do and yes, they are unhappy - even if unconsciously. It's as simple as that! The philosopher Simone de Beauvoir astutely said: ‘Let nothing define us. Let nothing subject us. Let freedom be our very substance.’ And the irreverent Oscar Wilde also observed: ‘Be yourself; everyone else is already busy.’ If nobody owes us anything, we have all the freedom in the world to be exactly who we are and/or who we want to become. The Irony of 100% Responsibility   It's ironic and peculiar how, when we give up the idea that the world owes us something, we start to take full responsibility for our lives. We can no longer afford to outsource the blame, because this business of blaming fate, the stars or our neighbours for bad things - good things or even things that don't happen at all - simply ceases to have any value, it disappears. We are, in fact, the architects of our destiny, because we build it over time through our actions (choices). As the Greek philosopher Epictetus said: ‘It is not things that disturb us, but the opinion we have of them’. So by changing our perspective and accepting that nobody owes us, we can focus on what really matters: our actions and our reactions. Let's say that with this change of attitude, we turn expectation into action, hope into planning and ‘why me?’ into ‘why not me?’. Let's say that we start to resemble Schrödinger's famous cat, but with the big difference: instead of being alive or dead in a box, we are simultaneously free and responsible for our own existence. That's a fascinating and terrifying idea, isn't it?   The Great Paradox   The most interesting, curious and ironic thing is that when we stop expecting the world to owe us something, that's when we start to receive more from it. That's right, that old philosophy of Letting Go in order to Receive.  Let's take a practical, real-life example:  During the years I lived in Berlin, I worked as a bartender  in a bar in Kreuzberg . Usually, at the end of the working day - between 3am and 5am - I would go to another bar in the neighbourhood. There I would sit by the bar, sipping a cocktail  while smoking and reading a book. Anyone who thinks I went to this place in search of interaction with humans is mistaken - I didn't give a damn about anyone. But on the very nights when I most wanted to be left alone, an absurd number of strangers would try to strike up a conversation. Often with the most ludicrous ‘reasons’, ranging from asking to borrow a lighter to asking what I was reading and in what language. One memorable evening I found myself giving love advice to a stranger who wanted to light my cigarette with his own lighter - he wasn't even a smoker!  The brilliant Marie Curie, who certainly didn't expect the world to hand her scientific discoveries on a radioactive platter, said:  ‘Nothing in life is to be feared, only understood.   Now is the time to understand more in order to fear less."   Survival in the Real World With Marie Curie's quote in mind, I've come up with these small, simple steps - nobody says you have to follow them! Don't expect applause or a pat on the back for doing the minimum (or the maximum). If you decide to do something, do it of your own free will. Learn to say No. Study and learn to question. Knowledge frees you from being a fool. Stop doing things out of obligation and do them by choice. If you want to see something realised, then be ready to do what needs to be done. Accept that gratitude is a bonus, not an obligation. You control nothing but your thoughts, feelings and actions. Don't let the important things become urgent. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice. Complaints are declarations of love for problems, so don't waste your time on them. Stop giving advice that you don't follow. Go and look after your own life and leave other people's lives alone. If your speech has nothing to contribute, stay silent. What other people think about you is their business, not yours. So don't try to convince anyone of anything.   The philosophy of ‘So what?’   As Nietzsche declared (yes, him again) before he went mad (or became fully conscious): ‘What doesn't kill me makes me stronger’. Well, he may have gone mad, but the point is still valid. Life will continue to owe us nothing, and the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can start building something meaningful. Buuuuut maybe - and just maybe - we owe life something. Does that frighten or relieve you? Because if we do owe something to our life, what are we doing to ‘clear that debt’? Are we becoming what we'd really like to become? Or are we just content to follow models previously established by people whose intentions we don't even know? Here's a thought.   Summary for the Impatient   The world owes you nothing. No satisfaction, no explanation, no fulfilment. The only person who has any obligation to you is yourself. And that, paradoxically, is the best news you could ever receive.   My opinion on all this As someone who has expected a lot from the world and learnt the hard way, I can tell you that understanding that nobody owes you anything is the first step towards a more conscious and less frustrated life. Is it painful? Yes. Is it necessary? Absolutely.  So don't see it as a sentence of hopelessness, but an invitation to autonomy. This is the key to the cage you built yourself. It's the permission you never knew you needed to live your life on your own terms.  In my humble and slightly sarcastic opinion, embracing this ‘truth’ is like taking a shot of reality with a twist of freedom - it burns instantly, but leaves you feeling lighter and possibly dancing with much more ease.  Now, how about leaving the comfort zone of expectations and diving into the ocean of action? If this article has shaken you up (or your ego), you might like to explore more provocative content here on the blog.  Feel free to leave your comments, suggestions and even share this article with those who also think there's a great conspiracy where the universe is plotting a personal vendetta  against us. And, of course, share it with that friend who is still waiting for the universe to pay his bills.  However, if you're someone who really thirsts for more content that challenges your perceptions and perhaps even your sanity, be sure to venture into our UN4RT  backstage. There, we go beyond the surface and dive even deeper into these uncomfortable concepts.  PS : If you've got this far and are feeling personally attacked, great. That was the intention. Now go do something about it, because, well... no one will do it for you.   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT   Well, well, well... if you're like me and like to dig deep into things like there's no tomorrow - the sources, references and inspirations for this article are there. Go and read it. Just don't complain later and say I didn't warn you. Santa Claus , a character whose origins are linked to the figure of St Nicholas of Myra, a bishop born in Turkey in 280 AD. The present-day image was popularised by illustrations in the 19th century and in 1930 by advertising campaigns for a famous soft drink brand. Easter Rabbit , The rabbit is a symbol associated with fertility and rebirth, originating in ancient Egypt, where the rabbit represented new life. The tradition also relates to the worship of the gods of spring and fertility, such as the goddess Ostara, whose symbol was the rabbit. Tooth Fairy , a mythical figure that forms part of a children's tradition in various countries. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Twilight of the Idols and  Human, All Too Human. Hannah Arendt , Responsibility and Judgement. Dorothy Parker , American writer and poet known for her acid humour. Virginia Woolf , A Room of One's Own. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Oscar Wilde ,   the quote in the text is often attributed to the Irish writer known for his sharp humour, but there is no concrete record of it actually being written or said by him. Epictetus , The Handbook (Enchiridion). Schrödinger's Cat  i s a metaphorical experiment created by physicist Erwin Schrödinger in 1935 to illustrate a paradox in quantum mechanics. The experiment illustrates the concept of quantum superposition, which suggests that until a system is observed, it can exist in multiple states at the same time. Berlin  is the capital of Germany and one of the most important cities in Europe. With a rich history, the city has been the centre of momentous events. Today, Berlin is known for its cultural diversity, vibrant nightlife, street art and tourist attractions. Bartender   is the professional responsible for preparing and serving drinks in bars, restaurants, nightclubs and events. As well as mixing cocktails, they must also be familiar with preparation techniques, flavour combinations and often offer customers an interactive experience. Kreuzberg  is one of Berlin's most famous neighbourhoods. It is part of the Friedrichschain-Kreuzberg district and is known for its diversity, alternative art scene and intense nightlife . Marie Curie , a Polish scientist who became a French citizen and pioneered the study of radioactivity. She was the first woman to win a Nobel Prize and the only one to receive the award in two different categories. Vendetta , a word that comes from Italian and means revenge. It is used to describe a prolonged quest for retaliation, usually involving family disputes or between rival groups. Mark Manson , The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. Ayn Rand , Atlas Shrugged.

Ah, self-esteem! An abstract concept, but also so material. So much so that it's the cause of countless stumbles, mistakes and shame. We've all heard of it, but how many of us really know what it means? More importantly, how many of us know how to cultivate it?   So if you, like me, are one of those who have always seen this word only as a nice term, often used in photo captions and therapeutic conversations, but never as something practical, then let's go! Let's take a look at it from a different (and somewhat naughty) perspective.   What is self-esteem? Let's start with the meaning of this word according to the dictionary: Self-esteem is the characteristic of a person who values themselves and is satisfied with their appearance. Let's say that self-esteem is like the value we place on ourselves, the way we see ourselves and the way we feel about ourselves. Many people confuse self-esteem with arrogance or egotism, when in fact good self-esteem means having a healthy sense of self-confidence and self-respect.   Just reading the definition of this word is reason enough for most of us to laugh our noses off. To this day I haven't met a woman who says she's satisfied with the way she looks. So I don't know about you, but I think this is far from what should be considered normal. I myself suffered for years from the unrealistic ‘demands’ of what my physical shape should be in order to be acceptable and/or attractive in my eyes and in the eyes of others. That thought alone is absurd to me today. But, unfortunately, this is still a reality: in the year 2025, after humanity created AI, physical appearance is still what generates the most comments (and the biggest gains).   You don't have to take my word for it. Look at the adverts, what elements are most present in them? Where are the greatest varieties of consumer goods (at all levels)? And on social media, everyone knows what influencers  are, the ones with the most followers are the ones who influence what?   Just as there is a huge difference between thinking and having thoughts, the same "phenomenon" applies between seeing and observing. Sherlock Holmes used to say: "You see, but you don't observe.   The difference is clear."   Perhaps our friend Epictetus would say:  ‘It is not the things themselves that disturb us, but the opinions we have of them’.  Which translates into english: it's not the fact that you tripped in front of the person you're in love with that's a problem, but the fact that you think it makes you the biggest idiot in the universe.   The beloved and misunderstood Nietzsche would amend this with a resounding "Become who you are" . This phrase, which is as enigmatic as a poem by T. S. Eliot , reminds me that true freedom lies in accepting and cultivating your own uniqueness, no matter how contradictory and meaningless it may seem to others. The many faces of self-esteem The different lines of thought and their most diverse approaches "always boast" that they are the solution to problems related to self-esteem. In light of this and in order to satisfy our desire to know what others think, let's take a look at some of them. With all due respect, of course (or lack thereof).   Let's start with Stoicism. Founded by Zeno of Scythia, around 300 BC, in Athens. Stoic thought has been gaining more and more followers (and preachers) in recent years. If you've ever heard the phrase "so-and-so received the news (of something bad, tragic, etc.) in a stoic way", then you've understood the core of this philosophy, whose main representatives include Epictetus , Seneca and Marcus Aurelius (yes, the Roman Emperor). Basically, Stoicism teaches the importance of self-control, virtue and reason in order to achieve true happiness.   When we talk about self-esteem within this philosophy, it's important to understand that the Stoics believed that true self-esteem is not in the least linked to social status, external opinions or anything that others might think, but rather to things like inner virtue and the ability to exercise control over one's own emotions and attitudes. There are those who say that controlling emotions is as impossible as the idea of controlling thoughts. To these people I say: It's completely possible, when there's a will and practice, lots of practice. (Tip: Start with the thoughts, that way you hit the target twice).   Existentialists, like Sartre , remind us that ‘existence precedes essence’. Simone de Beauvoir , a forerunner of thinking outside the box, challenged society with her statement: "One is not born a woman: one becomes a woman." . In a context of self-esteem, this idea is transformed into:  "You are not born perfect: you become unique." . It's a kind of invitation to embrace our imperfections.   Albert Camus , with his famous "In the middle of winter, I discovered in myself an invincible summer" , offers us a powerful metaphor: even in the darkest moments, there is a spark of inner strength capable of pushing us to bloom, like a rose that stubbornly blooms in the middle of a barren, grey asphalt.   Clarice Lispector is the owner of a profound and incredible phrase: ‘I am stronger than I am’ . (repeat this phrase to yourself and observe what you think and feel).   Marcus Aurelius would approve of the phrase above. In his work ‘ Meditations ’, he teaches us to treat ourselves with kindness and patience, recognising that we are human beings with flaws and mistakes. Instead of blaming ourselves, we should learn from our experiences and always seek to improve. This practice of self-compassion is essential for building healthy self-esteem, as it allows us to accept our flaws without losing confidence in our ability to evolve.   Last but not least is the scientific view. Scientists and psychologists have been focussing on this topic for decades, perhaps because they themselves are desperate to understand why they feel so insecure despite all those diplomas on the wall. Studies show that self-esteem is linked to several areas of the brain, including the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala (not the one in the throat! don't confuse it). In other words, your self-esteem is the result of a complex neurological dance taking place inside your skull. It's almost poetic, isn't it? Your brain is literally juggling your self-image while you're trying to decide whether you have the courage to wear that pink demon-print shirt to the family reunion (Note: yes, I did).   Now, let's talk about some of the more well-known approaches as well as some theories. Don't be surprised, for some I've given them more appropriate names - at least in my view.   The Magic Mirror Approach:  This is the one that suggests you look in the mirror every day and say positive affirmations. It's as if you were Snow White and the mirror were that sycophant who always tells you that you're the most beautiful in the kingdom. Effective? Maybe, for some people (especially Leo women. Just kidding!). In my case, every time I repeated a phrase, my brain replied "don't lie to me, I'm not a fool!".   "The Method" of the Inner Superhero: Based on the idea that we all have an inner superhero (look at C.G. Jung with his archetypes) just waiting to be discovered. Let's say it's as if you were the Diana Prince of your own life, just waiting for the right moment to go out and reveal the Wonder Woman inside you. Just be careful not to "save" everyone and forget the most important thing, yourself (from personal experience).   "Fuck it" style (I still use that one):  A more modern and, let's say, direct approach. It consists of simply not giving a damn what other people think - it's liberating. As the contemporary ‘philosopher’ RuPaul would say: "What other people think of me is none of my business", marvellous. It's like being a cat in human form (I love it).   The "Asking Child" Tool (I adapted this and still use it):  The Information Approach. These are the "antonym" of affirmations: you don't affirm, you ask. An example of this would be: "Why do I deserve to be loved by myself?". The idea is that you "force" your brain to give you the answers to these questions. You get the idea, right?   The Pyramid Idea (not the Illuminati idea, don't confuse it):  We know that Psychology offers various approaches to understanding self-esteem. One of the best known is that of Abraham Maslow , who places it as part of his famous pyramid of needs. For Maslow , self-esteem is at the top of the pyramid, being a fundamental need for human well-being, right after the satisfaction of physiological, safety and social needs.   The Copy and Paste Theory:  According to this theory, self-esteem is influenced by the society and culture in which a person lives. The beauty standards, successes and achievements of others can affect how we see ourselves. An example of this would be those who constantly compare themselves to celebrities and influencers on social media. This behaviour can lead to a completely distorted and negative view of one's own appearance and also aggravates anxiety (don't tell me!).   Self-esteem in relationships:  It's undeniable that our self-esteem is deeply linked to the way we relate to others. People with good self-esteem tend to have healthier relationships, because they know how to set limits and have more self-confidence to express their needs. It is also because of this that some people come to accept disrespectful behaviour from their partners. Their low self-esteem contributes to the idea that they don't deserve better.   The role of childhood:  You don't need to be an expert to know that childhood is a crucial phase in the development of self-esteem. Children who grow up in nurturing environments and with parents who encourage them to believe in themselves tend to have a more positive and healthy self-esteem in adulthood.   Grey matter:  Research shows that self-esteem is also related to brain activity. People with higher self-esteem have greater activation in areas of the brain related to decision-making and self-confidence. Neuroscience studies show that when making important decisions, a person with good self-esteem can feel a greater sense of control and less stress. How to solve the problem of low self-esteem (or at least try) Now for the practical tips. No, it's not just about colouring your hair or buying new clothes (I can tell you that). In fact, you should know that these tips aren't meant to be done one day and then only when your brain remembers them. This is like starting a diet or going to the gym. It requires discipline, persistence and, above all, action!   1° Practise Self-knowledge:  Set aside time for yourself every day, no matter how much. This is like friendships: what counts is quality, not quantity! Do something you enjoy, the important thing is that it's something for and by you. A good example would be doing something you've always wanted to do but never had the time, and/or starting that project that's been sitting in your drawer for so long. Mark that appointment in your diary, don't miss it and don't be late! Read the article on Self-Knowledge here. 2° Re-evaluate your Priorities:  Question the standards imposed by society. What really matters to you? Is what you're replicating really yours or just something someone told you would be good for you? If you ever hear a guru say that the secret is to "think positive", remember that positivity is no substitute for an honest analysis of your feelings.   3° Practise Self-Compassion and Self-Care:  Self-compassion means being kind to yourself, especially in moments of failure! This involves letting go of excessive (and not at all constructive) criticism and accepting yourself in a more understanding way. This leads directly to taking care of yourself, whether through eating healthier, exercising, reading more books, meditating or simply allowing yourself to rest.   4° Challenge your Limiting Beliefs:  The vast majority of the time we carry negative beliefs about ourselves. These beliefs are not based on facts. Challenging them and replacing them with more coherent thoughts can have a big impact on self-esteem.  Read the article on Limiting Beliefs here.   5° Set Realistic Goals:  Stop setting absurd goals that you know you won't achieve in the short term. By setting clearer, more tangible goals, you'll be able to measure your progress and make adjustments if necessary, all in a more efficient way and without the mimimi and unreasonable demands.   6° Laugh at Yourself:  Life is a comedy full of comic tragedies. Get real and allow yourself to laugh at your faults, after all, you're not the "golden rosemary" who lives oblivious to the laws of the universe. Seriously! All of these practices, if seasoned with a touch of irony and a pinch of sarcasm, can lead you to that feeling - so good - of liberation.   7° Surround yourself with people who inspire you:  Your social circle influences your self-esteem much more than you might think. We're an average of the people we're closest to, so evaluate very carefully who you let be part of ‘this zone’. Avoid having people on your side who see the world through a yellow lens of criticism and negativity. Above all, try to stay away from people who only complain. Complaints are declarations of love for problems and being around people who support, respect and encourage you is fundamental. Very importantly, don't confuse those who encourage you with those who flatter you. The door to the street should be the door to the house for flattery too!   8° Celebrate Small Achievements:  Every victory, however small in your eyes, is a brick in the construction of your internal castle and in this castle you are the Queen, so only those you allow into your Kingdom enter! Don't forget to recognise the value of every step you take!   If you take these tips into account, it doesn't mean that your path will be linear, without obstacles or occasional stumbles. But it will certainly be uphill, growing exponentially!   Now, La grande finale But after all this philosophical rambling and dubious humour, here's my conclusion about self-esteem: it's confusing, complicated and absolutely essential. It's like oxygen for our mental health - we only realise how much we need it when we run out.   Developing self-esteem is a continuous process, full of ups and downs. A perfect emotional rollercoaster that we don't remember buying a ticket for. But hey , as long as we're on the ride, why not enjoy it?   Regardless of the approach you choose to take to the plant of your self-esteem, know that this attitude is extremely important. Although some (or many) of us didn't learn how to do this in our childhood or adolescence, it shouldn't become something immutable. Don't let something important become urgent!  Everything in life starts with cognition (learning), so try to do it for yourself. We are beings who learn through repetition, so don't get discouraged.   Maturing shows that often we won't have anyone to take us by the hand and show us the exact path, so it's up to us to take on that responsibility. For and by Us, always!   You are unique. Literally speaking, there isn't and won't be anyone like you again in this universe. This can be either a blessing or a curse, it all depends on how you look at it. But one thing is certain: you are the protagonist of your own story - and if you're not, you should be! So make it a story worth telling! Call to Action (because every good article needs one) So, readers, what did you think of this journey through the land of self-esteem? Are you already feeling more enlightened or just slightly confused?   Either way, don't stop here! Keep exploring the intricacies of your mind in our other equally irreverent and possibly exotic articles. If you have an opinion on Self-Esteem and think I'm completely wrong (or have been surprisingly accurate), leave a comment! After all, interacting with strangers on the internet is what makes us human in the 21st century, isn't it?   And if you liked this article, why not share it with others? Spread the word like a self-esteem virus (but, you know, the good kind of virus - if there is one). Oh, before I forget, for those of you who really love content that goes beyond the conventional, take a look at the UN4RT  website. It's like the  backstage  of a heavy metal  concert - only for your brain. Exclusive content that will make you question everything you thought you knew about yourself (in a good way, I promise).   ‘If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you going to love someone else?’   - RuPaul.   What are you waiting for? Go develop that self-esteem! Or at least pretend you're trying. Sometimes faking it until you make it is half the battle.   ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality.’   - UN4RT Now, if you're the type who likes to get into things. Below are the sources, references and inspirations for this article. Go on, read it. But then don't come back if your head gets any fuller. Sherlock Holmes , a detective and consultant famous for his exceptional intelligence, logical deduction skills and encyclopaedic knowledge in various fields. This character was created by British writer Sir Arthur Conan Doyle . Holmes first appeared in the 1887 novel " A Study in Scarlet ." Epictetus ,  The Art of Living. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra . T.   S. Elliot , influential 20th century poet, essayist and playwright. Laureate of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1948. One of his most emblematic poems is " The Waste Land ", which deals with despair, fragmentation and disillusionment in post-First World War society. Stoicism , one of the most important philosophical schools in Ancient Greece. It seeks to teach people to live according to reason and nature, with a focus on developing a virtuous character, self-reliance and resilience in the face of life's difficulties. Zeno of Scythia ,   Greek philosopher and founder of Stoicism. He was born in Scythia, a city in what is now present-day Cyprus. It is said that after being shipwrecked and losing his fortune, he began studying philosophy in Athens as a form of consolation and to overcome his difficulties. Seneca , On the Shortness of Life  and On The Firmnes of the Wise Man . Marcus Aurelius , Meditations . Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Albert Camus , the exact origin of the quote is not associated with a specific work, but it reflects well the spirit of resilience. Clarice Lispector , An Apprenticeship or The Book of Pleasures. Snow White , a princess of incomparable beauty, the target of extreme envy from her stepmother. Character from a fairy tale popularised by the Brothers Grimm ( Schneewittchen ), but eternalised in pop culture as Disney's first feature film. Carl Gustav Jung , Man and his Symbols. Diana Prince , Amazon princess of the mystical island of Themyscira, daughter of Queen Hippolyta. This name is the secret identity of Wonder Woman, one of DC Comics' most iconic superheroines. Created by William Moulton Marston and drawn by H.G. Peter, she first appeared in " All-Star Comics #8 ’" in 1941. RuPaul Andre Charles , American singer, actor, drag queen and presenter, considered the most famous drag queen in the world. Creator and presenter of the reality TV show RuPaul's Drag Race, launched in 2009. Order of the Illuminati of Bavaria , a secret society founded in 1776. It was a group whose aim was to promote enlightenment, thus combating the influence of the Church and the State in society. The order was officially banned and dissolved in 1785 by the Bavarian government. But over the centuries theories have emerged claiming that the order still exists and operates in secret, controlling governments, the economy and even pop culture. The theories place them as part of a ‘new world order’ that manipulates global events in order to maintain power over society. Abraham Maslow , a US psychologist known for developing the Theory of the Hierarchy of Needs or Maslow's Pyramid, which is one of the most influential concepts in psychology. Maslow was part of humanistic psychology, which has an approach that emphasises personal growth. I recommend his book: " Towards a Psychology of Being ".

Ah, the dreaded self-sabotage! A curious and, in a way, universal phenomenon - where we ourselves, with all our supposed genius, become our own worst enemies. Whether it's fear of success, insecurity or simply an almost perverse desire to prove that we're not capable, we end up undermining our own opportunities. In a world where the quest for personal development and self-knowledge should be at the centre of discussions, understanding and confronting self-sabotage becomes not just a task, but a real art. But don't worry, you're not alone in this endeavour! Let's start by really understanding what it is. What is self-sabotage? In simple terms - self-sabotage is when you, armed with all your ability, decide to close the door in your own face. It's the phenomenon whereby attitudes, thoughts and behaviours end up blocking success or happiness, even when conditions are favourable. Let's take an example: Imagine yourself as a genius architect, designing the most impressive skyscraper in the world. You spend sleepless nights calculating every detail, choosing the best materials. And then, on the day of the inauguration, you secretly replace the foundations with marschmallows . Why is that? Because you're a master of self-sabotage, of course! The curious thing is that this dynamic can be repeated in various areas of life: relationships, career, mental health and even personal projects. The philosopher Sartre would explain that ‘We are condemned to be free.’ And apparently, we use this freedom to condemn ourselves to spectacular failure. It would be almost poetic if it weren't tragic. Socrates, the ‘Know thyself’ guy, would say that in the case of self-sabotage it would be the denial of this self-knowledge, a silent cry of ‘I don't deserve the best’. This contradiction between potential and action can be seen through various lenses: psychological, philosophical and even existential. It has many faces - it's like a kind of psychological chameleon that takes on different forms to catch us off guard. Sometimes it disguises itself as procrastination - after all, why do today what we can leave until 45 minutes into the second half, right ? Other times, it presents itself as perfectionism - because it's much easier never to start something than to risk doing something imperfectly. As the writer and philosopher Simone de Beauvoir rightly observed: ‘Man is defined as a being in search of meaning’. And apparently, many of us find meaning in sabotaging our own chances of success. Who needs enemies when we have ourselves, right? Nietzsche's eccentric wisdom, on the other hand, reminds us that ‘he who has a why can endure almost any how’, suggesting that self-sabotage, in some cases, is the result of a lack of a clear purpose or a well-defined life narrative. Behind Self-Sabotage Now let's dive a little deeper into that self-deprecating pit we call the human mind. Psychologists have various theories as to why we engage in this seemingly irrational behaviour. One line of thought suggests that the act of sabotaging oneself is a protection. It's like that friend who convinces you not to go to a certain party because ‘it's probably going to be boring’, when in fact she's just afraid that you'll meet cooler, more interesting people than her. Another theory proposes that self-sabotage is a way of maintaining control. After all, if we're going to fail, it's better that it's on our own terms, right? It's like being the captain of a sinking ship - but with the caveat that you can choose which iceberg to hit. Sigmund Freud already taught us that repressed impulses can surface in unexpected ways - like that habit of procrastinating that loves to turn a simple task into an epic existential drama (and who doesn't like being a ‘ drama queen ’ from time to time?). As the father of psychoanalysis once said: ‘Most people don't really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are afraid of responsibility’. And what better way to avoid responsibility than to ensure that we never achieve anything significant? Punk , right? Quoting once again our dear Simone de Beauvoir , she who defied convention and, with insight, highlighted how self-sabotage can be rooted in social structures that mould our self-image. Thus, internal sabotage is not only an individual problem, but also a mirror of the limitations imposed by a society that, ironically, preaches self-knowledge while fuelling collective insecurities (read that again and think about it). Self-sabotage has deep roots, often fuelled by factors such as low self-esteem, fear of failure and insecurity. Our brains sometimes seem ‘programmed’ to follow patterns of behaviour that guarantee the familiarity of suffering, even if it means giving up on success. And modern society bombards us with unrealistic expectations - a veritable ‘instruction manual’ for a perfect life that, in reality, only fuels anxiety. In this context, self-sabotage becomes our unconscious response to a world that, in a way, invites us to fail gloriously. Ouch!  Self-sabotage in the Real World and the Digital Age   Now let's find out a little more about how this manifests itself in the real world, shall we ? Think of that friend of yours who always complains that she's single, but rejects anyone who shows an interest. Or how about that person (who is definitely not me) who spends hours researching and planning ‘how to be more productive’ instead of, you know, actually doing something productive? As the philosopher and mathematician Hypatia of Alexandria wisely observed: ‘Reserve your right to think, because even thinking wrongly is better than not thinking at all’. With the advent of the digital age, the whole thing has risen to new heights. We now have endless ways to distract ourselves and avoid our responsibilities. Who needs to study, meditate, read, study, exercise when you can spend hours scrolling endlessly through social media feeds and then complain about the lack of time? It's almost as if we've evolved from a ‘hunter-gatherer’ species to a ‘procrastinator-sharer’. Our ability to find new ways to waste time and outsource responsibilities is truly impressive. Darwin would surely be proud (or horrified, it's hard to say). As the philosopher Slavoj Žižek said: ‘The true act of love is to leave the other alone’. Well, it seems that many of us really do love our own potential, because we certainly leave it alone, don't we? Now the moment everyone has been waiting for... How to identify and combat self-sabotage? So how can we break this vicious cycle? Well, the first step is to RECOGNISE that we're doing it. It's like being a smoker - the first step is to admit that you have a problem (from personal experience, I was a smoker for almost 20 years, until I stopped using the excuse: ‘I smoke because I like it’ and actually recognised that I had a problem, and a big one). But first of all, you should know one thing: it will only really work if you're aligned with the three pillars below. I call it the triad of success, and no, I didn't invent it. PILLAR No. 1 - Wanting to change  (This wanting can't be half-hearted, and certainly not for the sake of others. It's about you choosing to do it only for you and to you!) PILLAR No. 2 - Take responsibility  (Yes, 100 per cent of it, no one will take it on for you. Your life Your responsibility, simple as that!) PILLAR No. 3 - Persistence  (There's no point in doing two days badly and thinking you've done too much. Are you going to give up? The responsibility is entirely yours, so don't use other people's ears as a potty). Now, here are some tips that have helped me and still help me kick self-sabotage to hell: Self-observation without judgement:  Basically, it's about becoming a detective of ourselves, but without being a ruthless, unpalatable critic. Observe your behaviour patterns, identify moments when doubt or fear hinder your actions and ask yourself: ‘Why am I sabotaging myself now?’. I admit, it's annoying, especially in the early days, and not judging yourself is the biggest problem, but if you stick to the three pillars (mentioned above) you can do it. If I did it, you can do it too, give yourself a chance! Challenge your limiting beliefs (I wrote an article about this, the link is at the end of this one):  We often believe negative internal narratives. Remember the words of Nietzsche : ‘He who has a why can endure almost any how’. Find your ‘why’ and challenge the beliefs that insist on undermining your potential. (PS: If you want to know more about ‘how to find your why’ comment below, if there are enough comments I'll write an article telling you how I found mine). Set realistic goals and break down your objectives: Do you have a big dream? Turn it into small steps. After all, trying to run a marathon without training is as absurd as deciding to make a revolution without even having mastered the basics of walking. (PS: Don't know how to do this? Go there and post comments, and if you get any engagement I'll write about how I do it). Seek support:  Whether through friends, therapy, down here in the comments or communities that share the same desire for transformation, talking about these issues can be a powerful antidote to self-sabotage. Accept yourself and allow yourself to make mistakes and be imperfect:  If everything was always perfect, what would be interesting? And what would be the point of doing or learning something new if we already knew everything? Imperfection is the spice of existence! Learn to laugh at your mistakes, learn to forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice!  See every ‘failure’ as an opportunity to learn and grow - or at least as material for good stories and acid jokes. As the psychologist and philosopher Erich Fromm once said: ‘Man is the only creature who refuses to be what he is’. Perhaps it's time to accept who we are and work from there. Final reflections My opinion? As an observer and participant in this spectacle, I can't help but feel a certain admiration for the creativity with which we sabotage ourselves. It's almost an art form - although we'd prefer not to practise it so often. But while self-sabotage may seem like an insurmountable obstacle, it's also an invitation - a call to rethink our priorities and reframe our fears. By facing our own demons with a wry smile, we pave the way for genuine transformation, where every step, however faltering, is a victory over internal paralysis. In short, our ability to sabotage ourselves is a testament to the complexity of our mind. We are contradictory creatures, capable of great deeds and great failures. Now how about using your self-sabotage tendency in a productive way? Instead of sabotaging your life goals, how about sabotaging your normal routine by reading more articles on this blog? After all, procrastinating can be productive if you're learning something new, right? Feel free to leave comments, suggestions for topics, questions... And don't forget to recommend this blog because sharing is caring! And if you really want to take your journey of self-discovery to the next level, don't forget to visit the UN4RT   website - it's like a backstage pass to the show of your own mind. Remember: life is too short to let only others sabotage us. Do it yourself - but with style! See you next time! ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality’ - UN4RT Ah, but if you're an intellectual masochist and would like to delve deeper into this topic, the sources, references and inspirations are below. Just don't forget the safe word! Jean-Paul Sartre , Existentialism is a Humanism. Socrates , Apology of Socrates (written by Plato ) Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex . Friedrich Nietzsche , Twilight of the Idols . Sigmund Freud , The Interpretation of Dreams . Hypatia of Alexandria , Neoplatonic philosopher and the first woman documented as being a mathematician, there is no specific work in this case, it is a ‘popular quote’ from her. Slavoj Žižek , Slovenian philosopher to whom the phrase is attributed. Érich Fromm , The Fear of Freedom.

Has there ever been a situation in your life where you longed for something greater (material or immaterial), but as if by magic, thoughts like: ‘I just can't do it’, ‘I don't have the time/money/capacity to...’, ‘That's too much for me...’ ‘I don't deserve...’ etc. If so, congratulations - you've met and made friends with your limiting beliefs. These small but powerful internal voices are like invisible chains that, with a touch of almost poetic irony, prevent us from exploiting all the potential we carry. These beliefs are ‘installed’ in our minds for free, courtesy of society, culture and personal experiences (our own and those of others). But before we start kicking these outdated ideas to the curb, let's understand what they really are because, as Alvo Dumbledore  once said: ‘...Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only by accepting can we recover...’ What are limiting beliefs? Beliefs are those convictions we have about the world, formed from childhood and moulded by family, culture and, of course, society. They guide us, providing a set of answers that are ready, but not always correct. A set of beliefs is called a paradigm. To make it easier to understand, let me give you a simple example: Imagine your mind as a vast garden, full of possibilities. Now, imagine that instead of growing flowers and leafy trees (strong beliefs), you're content to water and tend only to weeds. Yes, weeds represent limiting beliefs, and as the name implies, they are conceptions that place limits on what we believe is possible and/or deserved. It's important to emphasise that they don't come from beyond - they are built on distorted interpretations of past experiences, cultural teachings and even fear of the unknown. These internalised ideas act as barriers to our personal growth because they don't show you the truth, but they make a point of convincing you that they are fair and true. Let's say that our biggest problem with them is that, most of the time, we don't realise that they are there, present, governing our choices. Where do they come from? The roots of limiting beliefs Right, but why do we persist in acting on beliefs that we don't know where they come from? Simple: we're beings of lazy habits. Or is it because we believe in our own narrative so much that we prefer stagnation to daring to challenge what limits us? By the way, it's worth mentioning that various schools of thought have already ventured into analysing this phenomenon (what a novelty). Cynical philosophers would argue that the true purpose of life is to remain comfortable, not to achieve true freedom. Aristotle said that ‘we are what we repeatedly do’ and that limiting beliefs violate the balance between fear and daring. Plato warned us in his famous Allegory of the Cave, where shadows are mistaken for reality. Carl Jung , for his part, explained that the collective unconscious is a powerful force that moulds our psyche from inherited ideas. Modern cognitive psychology suggests that our mind creates ‘shortcuts’ to avoid emotional pain, resulting in convictions that are not always true, which in other words means that beliefs are the fruit of past experiences, reinforced by negative thought patterns. An example of this would be: a child who witnessed their parents' financial problems and constantly heard the phrases “money is hard to earn” or “you have to work hard to earn money”, grows up believing that they will never be prosperous, or that they will have to work absurd hours to do so. The result? They often don't even try to venture into new opportunities, because they already ‘know’ that they will fail. Pure self-sabotage packaged with satin ribbon and a very large label saying ‘truth’. Albert Ellis, one of the pioneers in cognitive restructuring, would say that these dysfunctional ideas can - and should - be identified and challenged. The philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche , always very subtle, would give us a metaphorical slap in the face by saying that ‘man is something that must be overcome’, suggesting that we are prisoners of our limitations because we want to be. The existentialists saw these beliefs as an obstacle to freedom and the responsibility of being who we really are. Sartre proclaimed ‘existence precedes essence’, suggesting that we are free to define our own path, limiting beliefs manifest themselves precisely as that inner voice that insists on maintaining the status quo , even when it is, to say the least, boring. The contemporary wisdom of authors such as Tony Robbins and Brené Brown , for example, reminds us that personal transformation begins precisely when we decide to challenge mental barriers. And neuroscience, for its part, says that limiting beliefs can literally be engraved in our brains, yes, isn't that great! This happens in the following way: by repeating certain thought patterns, we establish synaptic connections (connections that neurons make with each other, basically speaking). Therefore, the more we repeat a belief, the more these connections are strengthened, and so we end up accepting that this is the only ‘reality’. Religious people would say it's God's will, atheists would say it's a genetic predisposition, philosophers would argue that it's our arbitrary interpretation of what we call ‘truth’ but, regardless of all that, whatever the justification or line of thought - including the Freudian analysis of internal conflicts and the behavioural approach that sees human behaviour as the product of conditioning - everything converges on the idea that limiting beliefs are obstacles to be overcome, in other words, at the end of this tunnel there is a way out, it is entirely possible to change them. How can limiting beliefs be hindering your growth? Well, if you've read the block above, you've probably already understood or at least have an idea of how this might be affecting you, but let's make it even clearer. Imagine that your mind is like a crossfit championship, where the aim is to test your strength, endurance and determination in order to conquer new records. Now, imagine that instead of using modern, functional equipment, you're using rusty equipment with a high risk of accidents (seriously, if you've ever seen how a crossfit  championship works, you'll realise that the quality of the equipment is essential) - that's right, this broken equipment represents exactly what you're thinking, limiting beliefs. Every ‘I can't’ is a ballast that prevents you from raising the bar of your potential (wow, I've outdone myself with that phrase). It's like trying to compete in a marathon with chains tied to your feet. In practice, these beliefs only lead us into a cycle of self-sabotage, which repeats itself over and over again through patterns. B. F. Skinner , with his passion for behavioural analysis, would probably say that we are reinforcing negative behaviours, even if unconsciously, through a cycle of repetition that keeps us stuck in a state of inertia. Let me simplify this guy's speech with an example: have you ever had the funny feeling of repeating experiences in relationships? As if every time the same ‘story repeats itself’ but with different people? It's as if everything is ‘programmed’ to prevent you from succeeding in that area of life? Does that sound familiar? Yeah, you get the idea, right? We know that if we let this mentality perpetuate itself, we'll end up believing that mediocrity is our comfort zone. What could be more ironic than settling for ‘ok’ when you can aspire to ‘extraordinary’? It's as if, instead of updating the system, we decided to live forever with the ‘ Windows 98’ of our own existence. Now for the practical part! How to replace beliefs: An invitation to liberation  The good news is that, just as software  can be updated, our minds can also be ‘reprogrammed’ (this word should not be interpreted literally, it's just a figure of speech, because we're not robots). The first step is to RECOGNISE that that critical inner voice IS NOT AN ABSOLUTE TRUTH, because absolute truths don't exist! That voice is just a remnant of old patterns, ready to be questioned. Here are some of the practical strategies I've used to deconstruct some of my barriers: Identify them and Challenge them:  Name them! Pay attention to your thoughts, when self-limiting ones arise, question them. Write them down in a notebook or on your mobile phone if you like. Use the question: ‘Is this really what I think about this?’ or ‘Where did this idea come from?’ or ‘Who the F%D#P said that this is true?’ This will take practice! Yes, thinking with your head takes work, but it's extremely rewarding. So PERSIST, it's your life and your growth at stake! (Thinking and having thoughts are completely different things, most people have thoughts and think they're thinking. An elementary mistake). Cognitive restructuring:   Rewrite, replace, transform ‘I can't’ into ‘Why not try?’, for example. Most people don't pay the slightest attention to the quality of their internal narratives, let alone know that they can change them. A simple change can open doors to new possibilities. Meditation and Self-Knowledge:  Take a few minutes out of your day to reflect on your thoughts. It seems like a contradictory exercise, but it's extremely beneficial. You can start with just 5 minutes. Meditation helps us observe these patterns without judgement, allowing you to consciously modify them. Acid Humour, Irony and Action:  Sometimes laughing at yourself is the best way to take the force out of your beliefs. Yes, Oscar Wilde used to say: ‘Life is too important to be taken seriously’, so face your limitations with a pinch of sarcasm too and see how they lose some of their weight. Very important: action is essential, get off your arse and use every little action consistently to reinforce your new beliefs. Simone de Beauvoir reminds us that ‘we change ourselves every day’, and this transformation largely depends on how we choose to interpret our experiences. Instead of being paralysed by the fear of failure (or success), how about embracing uncertainty with the curiosity of a scientist and the humour of a poet? Final considerations To summarise, limiting beliefs are mental barriers formed from experiences, fears and cultural and social conditioning that prevent us from reaching our true potential. Whether from the perspective of cognitive psychology, existentialist philosophy or modern self-help approaches, all lines of thought agree: breaking down limitations is essential for authentic personal growth. I believe that recognising and challenging our beliefs is the first, and perhaps most important, step towards a fuller life. Abandoning the comfortable cocoon of doubt and embracing uncertainty with humour and courage is the path to becoming the best version of ourselves. As the brilliant philosopher Hannah Arendt would say, ‘thinking without a certain degree of restlessness is simply complacency’, and there is nothing more liberating (in my opinion) than transforming our restlessness into coherent actions and creativity. Did you like this content? Then leave a comment and don't stop here! Keep exploring the other articles to discover more insights  into personal growth, self-knowledge and development. Your interaction is fundamental - leave your comments, suggestions for topics, questions and share this post with your friends who also need to break through their internal barriers. I also invite you to visit the UN4RT   website, a veritable ‘ backstage ’ full of exclusive content that can transform your perspective. Come and be part of this revolution in thinking and discover a universe of creativity and self-knowledge! ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality’ - UN4RT Now, if you have an obscure desire to delve deeper into this, the sources, references and inspirations follow below. Good luck, you'll need it... Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore , a wise and powerful wizard from the Harry Potter series written by British author J.K. Rowling . The Cynics , those Ancient Greek philosophers who were adept at cynicism, were known for their lack of material attachment and their rejection of society's customs and values. Aristotle ,  Nicomachean Ethics. Plato , The Republic . Carl Gustav Jung , Man and his Symbols. Albert Ellis , Founder of Rational-Emotive Behaviour Therapy (RBEBT), known for his approach to cognitive restructuring. Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra . Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Anthony Robbins , Unlimited Power  and Awaken the Giant Within . Brené Brown , The Gifts of Imperfection  and The Power of Vulnerability . Norman Doidge , The Brain That Changes Itself . Crossfit , strength and conditioning programme combining a variety of high-intensity exercises. B. F. Skinner , Science and Human Behaviour. Windows 98 , The operating system that succeeded Windows 95 was the first version of the desktop platform to be designed and developed for end consumers. Created by Microsoft. Oscar Wilde , Lady Windermere's Fan. Hannah Arendt , The Human Condition.

Let's talk about this complex subject that always gets people talking. Yes, no one denies that this word has a deeper meaning, but nowadays it is glamourised and often used as a filler in motivational talks, cheap self-help manuals and, of course, in the photo captions of some gurus. It all seems very simple, you search on the internet and some websites appear advertising a practical step-by-step guide with the techniques to be applied, as if self-knowledge were a cake recipe that you just need to follow in a specific order. All very nice and all, but somewhere between the low-quality entertainment, the promise of easy answers, the existential angst of the moment and the procrastination of everyday life those little questions keep echoing in the mind: ‘What did I do to deserve it?’, ‘Why did this happen to me?’ and so on... These inconvenient questions lead us to another question, the biggest, oldest and most dreaded, the mother of all questions: ‘Who am I anyway?’ It's usually in the midst of this chaos of emotions, contradictions and problems that the subject of self-knowledge comes to the fore, but before you think I'm about to give you a tragic story with an epic twist or an instruction manual worthy of a washing machine, you should take a deep breath because the path is full of surprises. Let's get down to it! What is self-knowledge? Why on earth is this important and why are more and more people selling courses about it? Yes, if you've ever invested your hard-earned cash in a course that promised miracles, then welcome to the club! Let's just say that this whole getting to know yourself thing is, in essence, the art of deciphering the most complex enigma you'll ever encounter: yourself. Let me give you an example: imagine that your mind is a piece of software that is constantly being updated, where emotional bugs and system glitches combine to create a unique version of you - or at least, a version that gives you a headache every time the dreaded error screen appears. Well, self-knowledge in this case doesn't just mean running a diagnostic or rebooting the system, no, knowing yourself works like an upgrade! How to practise self-knowledge? Yes, you have to learn, study and put it into practice! With that in mind, we'll tackle the inevitable, diving into an ocean of thoughts and theories that sometimes seem to dialogue (or even argue heatedly) with each other. Different strands of thought have already tackled this labyrinth in quite different ways, and honestly sometimes it seems that each of them only holds part of the map, but it's still interesting to see what some of them say about it. Let's start philosophising and talk about Socrates, the famous philosopher who loved a maxim and who loved irony. He said: ‘Know thyself’, in his view, this was not a luxury, but a necessity for ethical living. Plato , his disciple, would agree, but with an air of having had enough of hearing this phrase and also because his ideas were somewhat different. He and his Allegory of the Cave would say that we are fated to see the world in a distorted way, we only see the shadows projected on a wall and believe that this is all there is, while the true reality is out there, under the sun and we just don't experience it because the cave is more comfortable. But if you find the ideas of the ancients a bit confusing and you're more of an irreverent type, preferring something less ‘straightforward’, let's say that Nietzsche can help you. He didn't believe in a fixed ‘I’. Instead, the true self would be a continuous construction, something always in transformation. ‘Know yourself? Good luck with that!’ he would say, with a teasing tone. It would be like trying to hit a moving target - frustrating at first but with the advantage of always being interesting. Freud , on the other hand, insisted that to understand oneself was to uncover the recesses of the unconscious - that dark little place where we create and hide our inner demons, repressed desires and childhood traumas. Carl Jung , the father of analytical psychology and Freud's contemporary, also had one foot in the basement. He brought us his concept of archetypes, suggesting that within each of us dwells a collective universe of symbols and images that mould our personality. But while the two above delve into the intricacies of the psyche with the seriousness of a crime investigator, Simone de Beauvoir , always surgical in her speech and ahead of her time, points out that self-knowledge is also a question of freedom and existential responsibility. ‘One is not born a woman, one becomes a woman,’ she said, reminding us that the process of getting to know oneself and transforming oneself is as crucial as the social constructions that mould us. The unmistakable Oscar Wilde joked about the idea of authenticity when he said that ‘being natural is a difficult pose to maintain’. Knowing yourself can therefore be seen as a kind of performance - a dance between what you are, what you want to be and what the world expects of you. Now Monsieur Jean-Paul Sartre , with his existentialist perspective and philosophical sarcasm, suggests that the ‘I’ is a construction that we carry out throughout our lives - and that we are therefore free to reinvent ourselves, but we are also condemned to this freedom. He argues that self-knowledge is not so much about discovering a hidden essence as it is about reinventing oneself every day, which, frankly, seems like a good excuse to justify existential crises as being ‘part of the process’. Last but not least, and for those who are fans of a more ‘zen’ approach, the vision of Eastern philosophy can be an option. In Buddhism, for example, the ‘I’ is seen as a temporary construct, a tangle of desires, sensations and thoughts that appear and disappear. In other words, the concept of ‘I’ is nothing more than an illusion, so if we want to find something stable and definitive, we'd better wait until we're lying down, because the search will be long and fruitless. Laozi , a master of Taoism, would say in an enigmatic tone: ‘Stop trying to find yourself and just be.’ Simple, isn't it? It's a shame that this concept of ‘just being’ is almost offensive to the Western mind, which lives to dissect, label, diagnose and fit every aspect of our identity into pretty, comfortable little boxes, bought at the latest ‘stock clearance’ at an unbeatable price. What's next? What to do with so much information? When we put all these different perspectives together, we realise that self-knowledge is ultimately a process where knowing other people's opinions can provide us with insights, but in the end it can leave us more confused than when we started, everything is a kind of discovery that only we ourselves can handle. There are those who prefer to ignore it, there are those who prefer everything to go back to ‘normal or the way it was before...’ I'm sorry to say that once this process begins, there's no turning back. And it's precisely at this moment that we realise that we haven't learned to look at ourselves with the eyes of understanding and realise how cruel we are to ourselves. We've learnt to always have a word of comfort for those who come to us to let off steam, we welcome them, we lend our shoulder... But when it comes to ourselves, things are completely different. Self-knowledge is the gateway for us to learn to accept ourselves, to realise that we're not perfect and that it's okay, that we deserve our own affection and understanding. But in order to do this, we need to put aside the ‘lash of penance’, we need courage and practice, yes, but above all persistence because, in my opinion, this is one of the only ‘jobs’ that is really worth every drop of sweat. You may disagree with everything I've written here, that's your right, you have your ‘own’ world view. What we have in common is that we are human beings who are learning and want the best for our lives. Nobody makes mistakes on purpose (with exceptions), we're all trying to get it right, each in our own way. The exercise is undoubtedly paradoxical, the more we try to get to know ourselves the more layers emerge and this can become confusing, so here's a tip - don't get carried away by clashes of the type: be rational OR emotional. Where on the one hand, cold, calculating logic tells you to analyse your feelings with the precision of a mathematician; on the other, the chaotic, passionate mess that is the human heart. There's no such thing as having to choose between being a robot programmed for efficiency and being a poet who refuses to follow grammatical rules. Freedom can be achieved when we embrace our own duality, accepting that sometimes being free means living with the absurdity and imperfection inherent in our condition. Calm down, take a deep breath, you're on the right track! Believe it! Self-knowledge, in my opinion, is an indispensable tool for living more consciously. Even if sometimes we feel like sending everything to that place or our path is full of disconcerting surprises (and idiotic people), or those situations that provoke a certain nervous laughter accompanied by the thought ‘Give me patience and not force...’, at some point we will learn to deal with our own faults and those of others, without being charged. Each in their own time, there's no rush, because after all, if life wasn't also a comedy of errors, how could we learn to appreciate the true meaning of being human? Nietzsche , the one who liked to set the cabaret on fire with his ideas, used a maxim that I have adopted for my life, which is: ‘Become who you are!’, which to me sounds like a call not only to embrace myself, but also to face head-on the absurdities and contradictions that come my way. In short, getting to know yourself is like dismantling and reassembling your own puzzle (without the instructions), it's embracing yourself and your own duality, it's recognising that each step (however clumsy we think it is) is part of our journey of continuous self-discovery. And in this story there is no full stop, only ellipses. So if you've got this far, congratulations! It means that your curiosity is fuelling the engine of your self-knowledge. Don't stop here! I invite you to explore the other articles on the blog, where other equally thought-provoking topics full of (often inconvenient) reflections await your visit. Feel free to interact - leave your comments, suggestions for topics and questions, share your experiences, even complain :) Oh, and don't forget to recommend the blog to anyone you know! PS: Now if you're really curious, pay a visit to our UN4RT website - our virtual ‘backstage’ that brings together exclusive and differentiated content, made especially for those who really thirst for knowledge and like irreverence. Keep exploring, questioning and, above all, getting to know yourself - because, after all, this is the most fun, surprising and insane adventure we can experience! You are both the artist and the work. So get to work! ‘Illusion crumbles when we question reality’. - UN4RT If you want to delve deeper into this subject and find out a little more about what was mentioned in the article, below are my sources, references and inspirations. But don't complain afterwards! Socrates , Maxims of Delphi. Plato , Apology of Socrates and The Republic (Allegory of the Cave). Friedrich Nietzsche , Thus Spoke Zarathustra . Sigmund Freud , The Ego and the ID. Carl Gustav Jung , Psychology and Alchemy and Man and his Symbols. Simone de Beauvoir , The Second Sex. Oscar Wilde , The Picture of Dorian Gray. Jean-Paul Sartre , Being and Nothingness. Laozi or Lao Zi also known as Lao-Tzu and Lao-Tze , Tao Te Ching .